C20 Chapter 20

My Chemical Romance

What is love?

Better men than me have been asking that question since the dawn of time.

Read any romance book and you will be told that love is destiny. It's soul mates finding one another. Love comes from the heart and when you love someone, everything works out in the end. True love ends happily ever after when the hero and the heroine ride off into the sunset together.

Science tells us something different.

Science tells us that love is just a bunch of chemicals in our brains. It tells us that when we are in love, chemicals like dopamine, adrenaline, and oxytocin soak our brains and change the way we think.

For the sake of this experiment, we are going to go with science’s explanation. Otherwise, we have no hope.

According to research done in such well-respected places as Harvard, there are three phases of love. Anyone who has been reading this blog for a while will know the first stage intimately.

Lust.

Lust is the driving force behind the survival of the species. We are all driven to reproduce by our caveman's brains - thank god science has also found a way for us to have all the fun associated with lust and limit the consequences of it.

Lust is driven by testosterone and estrogen. Testosterone is known to raise the libido in not just men, but women also. Oestrogen is less dramatic in its effect, but it has been documented that women experience a higher sex drive during ovulation, which is when the estrogen levels are at their highest. This is also the time when the risk of pregnancy is at its highest...coincidence? I think not.

Let's be honest here. Lust is all about sex. These chemicals in our bodies want us to get down and dirty with our chosen partner. But let's not get confused - as so many women are inclined to do - lust is not love. However, lust can lead to love.

This brings us to stage two.

Attraction.

Dopamine - the love drug - has a lot to do with the crazy behavior we experience when we are attracted to someone. Attraction deals with the part of the reward center of the brain. Being around someone who we are attracted to lights up this part of the brain and three chemicals are released - dopamine, its cousin norepinephrine, and adrenaline. These are the chemicals responsible for that euphoric feeling you get when your lover smiles at you. They are also responsible for the pounding heart, sweating palms, and gut-wrenching anxiety you feel when you are around someone you're attracted to.

But again, this isn't love. This is our bodies recognizing someone we could mate and reproduce with. Our brains reward us for finding someone we can be intimate with by making us feel good. Unfortunately, the other side of attraction is obsession. Dopamine is also produced when we take drugs like cocaine. In fact, taking cocaine lights up the brain just like being attracted to someone does. We can get addicted to that euphoric feeling that dopamine produces. Coupled with the lowered serotonin levels that come as part and parcel of attraction, we are well on the way to becoming obsessed with the object of our attraction. People suffering from OCD are known to have the same lowered serotonin levels as those of us in the throes of attraction. Ever wonder why you can't sleep or eat because you can't get a certain woman off your mind? Yep, that's the chemicals in your brain and not your heart.

The final stage of falling in love is…

Attachment.

Attachment comes by way of a little chemical called oxytocin. You know that cuddly feeling you get after a spectacular orgasm? That's oxytocin. Your brain releases this chemical after climaxing and its job is to help you bond with your mate. This is why a lot of women confuse sex with love. Interestingly, this same hormone is released during childbirth and breastfeeding to help build the bond between mother and child.

It should be worth noting here that studies on party drugs such as GHB have indicated that oxytocin may be responsible for the dissociative behavior that drugs like this produce. Just like dopamine can make you obsessive, oxytocin may in fact make you reckless - the two things needed to fall in love.

Along with oxytocin, vasopressin is another hormone released during this attachment stage that helps build the bond between couples - according to a study done on prairie voles. Prairie voles are monogamous for the most part and when they were given a drug that suppressed the effect of vasopressin, their bond with their mate deteriorated.

According to science, love makes you stupid, blind, and reckless. It is also all about the chemicals released in your body and has absolutely nothing to do with your heart. We are hardwired to seek out a partner and bond with them for the survival of the species. Even in this day and age when casual sex is as available as an all-you-can-eat buffet, still we feel the need to fall in love - to mate and bond and build familial ties.

Thankfully, science plays in our favor. After a recent poll, we found out that there are many of you out there who want to move past the casual hook-up and find a forever partner…okay, maybe not a forever, happily-ever-after partner, but at least a happy-for-now partner. So, as a service to my loyal fans, I am going to show you how it's done. Over the next four weeks, I will date a woman with the express purpose to get her to fall in love with me and I will document my successes and failures right here on the blog.

We have science on our side, so what could possibly go wrong? Famous last words… Just know that I am doing it for all you lonely guys out there. I'm taking one for the team and proving yet again why I am the ultimate wingman.