C7 The Father-Daughter Pep Talk

Kievan sighed as he looks at his daughter who is ranting nonstop for the whole 3 hours. He cannot stop her as he wants to be all ears. Having his unwavering attention is what he is aiming at the moment. His daughter was not able to visit him every day. And the days she is in his house is something that she wants to treasure. It is not always every day he can see her face.

“Dad. Your thoughts about marriage?” Shinai uttered in a commanding tone. This is a trait of her daughter that she probably got from her mother. Demanding. She is very demanding.

Sometimes impatient about things in general. She always seeks to find answers and alternative solutions to anything that is bothering her at the moment.

“I got nothing to say princess.”

“This is why you are divorced.” Shinai saw his father’s face she immediately pursed her lips. Her words probably make him feel bad.

“Kidding. But seriously though, what is the deal about failed marriages Pa?”

The world of today is filled with people dealing with a failure married life. Infidelity, is something that tends to not be taken seriously. Issues revolving marriages seems to remain unfix and unfinished. News about celebrities becoming divorcees. A normal couple decided to end things after years of being married to each other.

It is easy for two people to leave things behind between the two of them. That is where the thought comes in, “Love isn’t enough for two people to be together until the end.”

The idea of marriage, she used to idolize it. When she grew, that is when it hit her. Having to marry someone, making promises with their sweet tongues only to end with harshly made comments about each other’s persona. Dramas and dilemmas left out in the cold, discussion of matters like these are neglected. And in the end-there is no closure between the two parties involved.

The fear of marriage, consumes her mind a lot. If she will only have to deal with all the marriage issues and consequences then she will rather be alone. She will not get married. If that happens to her- she thinks she can take it.

“Why, you are planning to get married?” Her father’s voice stopped her from thinking. Marriage is the last thing she had in mind.

“Did you love Mom genuinely?” She couldn’t help but to ask. What happened to her parents made her somewhat bitter. She longs to always see her parents sweet and loving gestures towards each other but she felt like there is something’s missing between their sweet moments she saw. A real romantic gesture. This is what is missing.

“I loved her. And it made me feel guilty. She was a good friend and a lover. And I think I failed her. Because I kept the truth hidden from her. The truth that I loved a man before her. He left. Thinking I would forget about the love I have for him. I decided to moved on. To be with your mother. Only to realize that I still harbor affection towards my first love after years of seeing him. That is during the time your mother is pregnant with you.” She can feel the sadness in her father’s voice. The resentment is noticeable.

She wants to gamble the irk of wanting to say that he is reason is not totally valid. She felt weary because what her father did to them- but it is the past. And it already happened- it already affected her. She chewed her lip trying to say something to console him.

“The only thing that matters today Papa is the fact that she forgave you. I do not like seeing you like that, Papa. Can I get a smile from you?” She saw her father smile after her request. That is good. It is over now. What happened stays as a memory where lessons are learned. Release the disappointment- let go. It was something that can’t be undone. To let it be, to let it stay from its place- the past.

“How’s your relationship was like back then? I want to know the good times you had with each other.” She is dying to know- was it a good love story to compete with the romantic movies?

“It was intoxicating.” Her father said dreamily- looking like he has started to imagine his moments.

“Your relationship with mom- or what you had experience from your ex-boyfriend?” She asked. Trying to get a clear insight from him. She doesn’t want to hold the expectation that the intoxication he felt was for her mother.

Her father looked at her with disbelief in his face- shakes his hand and smiled. “Of course- from your mother.” Shinai nodded.

“That’s good. I somewhat think your words are referring towards your ex.”

“You still want to listen?” Her father joked.

She perfectly straightened her sitting position. “I am now properly sat- take it Papa. I am ready to listen.” She answered.

“She’s beautiful.” Her father started talking. She wants to interrupt him- to argue that the adjective is obvious. Her mother is a beauty. That’s it. Instead of interrupting her father- she sat and listened.

“If she is that amazing- why did you choose to left an amazing woman, Papa?”

“It is because of shame and guilt, Shinai Indigo.”

She wants to pester her father to put his words into simplicity where it will be easy for her to comprehend his reasons- but he looks like he is firm and will be sticking to his thought. That is why she stop asking more questions.

“And now back to you- you like that young handsome fella?” Now it was her time to looked like she’s about to go to the bathroom to take a filth.

Astoundingly surprising- her father asking whether she like him and him labeling Jordan “a handsome fella.”

“No comment. It’s nothing, Papa.” Her mind hushed her denial-telling her she has feelings.

She forced herself to act like her father’s question about him wasn’t that important. She knows that if she displayed something- her father will likely to know it. She doesn’t want him to smell something fishy about her situation-ship with Jordan.

Her legs feel giddy- she wants to completely go away. To go outside his father’s house and never come back not until he will stop asking questions about Jordan that she doesn’t want to answer.

She gazed at the glass of water in front of her- and drink it. Wishing that what she’s drinking is alcohol- so she can act drunk in front of her own father. She gulped it- leaving no liquid residue.

“Hmm.” Her father hummed. Her grip starts to loosed- she is holding the glass with her hands slightly shaking. This is not the right time for him to know about what she feels for him. And she is still not ready to accept her feelings for him fully. Partly because of her fears- and her guilt towards Jordan.

A sound was heard from the backyard. That’s it- that is a chance that can save her from giving an answer.

“Wait here- I’ll check it.” She held his father’s hand and said; “No, Papa. It’s okay. I’m going anyway. Something came up. I will be back here next Tuesday. Take care of yourself.” She kissed her father’s cheek before going towards the front door.

“Phew, so close to getting caught.” She mumbled to herself.

She pushed the gate- only to see Jordan’s car parked in front of his father’s house. If only she is a butterfly right in this present moment- she could’ve flapped her wings rapidly. Fluttering- to escape seeing Jordan.

He opened his car and walked towards her; “Hey there, pretty girl.”

Her feet wanted to run away- but her mind is contradicting her next move. Why can’t her body be in sync? She pushed her stomach in- not letting herself breath. It’s a good thing that she is doing this though- so she can pass out.

Jordan can just carry her- and she doesn’t need to have a conversation with him right now. He is a walking temptation- is he trying to make advances for her to fall into his seducing trap? “Get a hold of yourself, Shinai.”

“Are you talking to yourself, Nai? C’mon, talk to me too. I want to listen.” He smiled.

The smile- oh that smile. Her favorite mannerism from Jordan- is his ever-unproblematic smiling face.

“The sun is blinding my eyes.” She said that made Jordan look up- gaze at her and went beside her only to cover her head with the cap that he is wearing. “There- I wouldn’t let the Sun blind your eyes.” He chuckled.

“Eww, Jordan.” She said- acting like she felt disgusted but holding herself from smiling at him. “You can’t go blind, Nai. You still have to see my handsome face and my scrumptious body right now and for the years to come.” She jumped towards the other side; “Hmp- like we could last for so long.” She answered- tasting some sourness in her mouth. She ate something sweet- but why is there sourness?

“What’s wrong?”

“Sour. I taste the sourness of my tongue.” That made Jordan’s smile shine even more.

“What?” She irritatingly said. “Nothing. Probably it is my body telling me something.”

Her heart skipped a beat- does she has a disease? Is that she felt drowsy and sluggish these days? Was it the reason?

“I need to go and see a doctor.” She looked at Jordan who is still smiling. “Aren’t you worried?”

“Guess- take the guess whether I am worried about you or not.” Jordan stated teasingly with a smile. Anger rose from within her- she walked away from him. Jordan held her shoulders- and pulled her towards her.

“My baby is angry.” He kissed her cheeks. “Of course, I am worried. Should we go see a cardiologist?” He offered.

A cardiologist? And why does she need to go see one? She freed herself from being held by him and tiptoed to level with his face.

This time she didn’t shied away from meeting his eyes.

“And why did you even think that I need to see a cardiologist?” She haughtily questioned him. Which he immediately answered; “To see whether your heart is now beating for me.” He smiled at her proudly.

[Flashback: October 14, 2016; Friday]

“I think I need a tooth extraction. I need to go see a dentist.” I whispered discreetly. I don’t want anyone to hear what I said except Jordan. I’ll be embarrassed if someone other than the two of us overheard my words. His sly grin is now flashed on his face- like he heard something amusing.

“Why don’t you remove it yourself, Nai. It’s easy to do it since your tooth is hanging for its dear life. It’s on the edge of glory.” He sang the last part. I palmed my forehead- this guy. Now all eyes are on us. He looks proud of what he had done.

For someone who has an amazing voice that can be used for singing- I get the point of not feeling any shame to unleash the talent. He did take singing classes? I glanced at him and he mouthed; “What?”

“C’mon, they’re looking at us!” I wasn’t able to control my voice. Its pitch skyrocketed. He smirked after hearing me. “You’re whining like a kid.” He stated teasingly.

“What do you want me to act then? I’m still a kid and you know it. Don’t act like you are different. You’re whiny at certain times-especially if you ask Mommy Mel about buying you stuffs.” He showed me his smile.

“Right.” He lowered his head to looked at me fully. “My Indigo. Please calm yourself. I’m just kidding around.” He patted my head. Why is he acting mature?

“Are you my brother? You’re acting like an older kid right now- willing to bribe the young one whatever it wants just to shut its mouth.”

“So, what do you want then? I’ll buy it.” How can someone love smiling so much? If I’ll count the times Jordan smiled- I will be the one to give up in the end. He smiles a lot. For countless of times- he showed his cheeky smile.

“I wonder how your face look like when you’re sad and wanting to cry.” I blurted it out with not being too aware of what I said.

“Smack me with anything right now. Make sure it’ll hurt me badly. Its guaranteed that I’ll shed a tear.” I moved my body away from him. “And- I’m sure a punch will land on my cheek if I’ll do that. You can’t fool me, Jordan. You can’t.” I answered.

“Jordan you need to go to Miss Lia’s classroom.”

Since when did Maycee approached our seat? I asked myself mentally.

“The review is already done?” Jordan queried. Eyes are looking at her- his expression looks like he is waiting forever for an answer. Maycee looked at him without saying anything. She’s supposed to give him an immediate answer. She looks like she wants to communicate telepathically to Jordan with the stare she has right now. Jordan’s gaze went towards me and he gave me another smile.

“You are purposely skipping your review for the quiz bee?” I commented exaggeratingly. “Jordan, you’ll be representing the school a month from now. What are you doing?” His smile slowly starts fading after hearing me. He didn’t say anything about what I said and went to looked at Maycee in front of him again.

“Don’t worry- I’ll go to her.” He answered her politely. Maycee gave him another look before going back to her seat. I think I said something wrong-because Jordan looked unresponsive. I was about to open my mouth- when he stood up and left.

We didn’t talk for the rest of the day. He didn’t give me a glance after what I said to him. And I can’t help but feel worried. I walk fast to catch Silver who is ready to go home.

“Silver?” I hesitatingly muttered. I felt fretted as I say his name. We still aren’t on good terms- and here I am boldly uttering his name to inquire something about his friend.

“Yes?” He turned his head to look at me. His eyes looked at me questionably.

“Do you know where-?”

“Let’s go, Syl.” Jordan countered my statement with his own. I wasn’t able to finish my words when he arrived to cut it off. Sylvester gave me a small smile before they walked away. I frowned sadly after witnessing Jordan’s behavior.

Maybe it’s because I was accustomed to his happy-go-lucky attitude that when I saw another part of him, I felt taken aback after seeing it. I looked at them one last time before going the opposite way from where they are heading.

[Flash-forward: Present Time]

“What’s wrong? You didn’t like what I said. I- I am. Don’t take it seriously, Nai.” His hands are still on my waist and my body is leaning on him.

“You’re panicking.” I placed my both of my hands on his cheeks. “I just remembered something.” I answered him honestly.

“What is it? Tell me.” He worriedly inquired.

“The first time you showed me the other side of your personality.” I said so seriously that made Jordan’s forehead sweat…