C5 Do Over
It has been two whole days since we got here, and I've managed to keep myself scarce.
We weren't supposed to start 'training' until next week, since this week was meant for us to get familiar with the place.
Only 48 hours and I wanted to leave the house already. If only I had listened to Aiden's suggestion about finding new housing arrangements, because now I know living here for four months will be nearly impossible.
My wolf has been nagging me which only led to a constant never ending headache. How will I ever stay focused on my mission when she wont stop being difficult?
He wasn't making it any easier either. Every couple hours he would walk past my room, stopping a few seconds before leaving again.
Last night, I could've sworn he was sitting outside my bedroom door. His scent was becoming suffocating, and I never thought it would be this hard to resist him.
I knew I was hurting him, and I'm sure it's ten times worse for him than it was for me. All I wanted to do was complete this mission and leave, but I couldn't help the part of me that wanted to make it all better for both of us too.
But I couldn't, and it was eating away at me.
I had to clear my mind.
I couldn't bring myself to talk to Aiden since I promised him that this wouldn't affect me, and I didn't trust anyone here enough to talk to them either. So I had to call the one person who I was sure will know exactly what to say.
"I told you this would happen! Now you have to deal with it" Jane snickered in the line. I rolled my eyes with a face palm at her amusement which I didn't understand.
"What do you mean I have to deal with it?" I whined. " I called you so you could tell me what to do. Not tell me that you told me so"
She can't be for real.
"Rox a mate bond is sacred. There's no way you can resist him that long. I give you three more days" She said, the smirk evident in her tone.
"Are you forgetting why I'm even here? Why are you joking about this? I'm supposed to come through for us all, not fall for the enemy" I sighed. "Jane, you know better than anyone how much this means to me. If I get involved with him there's no way I can complete my mission"
There was silence on the other end of the line after I spoke, and I knew I hit the nail on the head.
"I'm sorry Roxy, you know how mate talk gets me excited... But you're right, this is too important. Look, he's your mate and it's your choice to choose your priorities. I wouldn't judge you if you choose him" She sighed. "But if you're truly sure about this, the only way you'll survive is if you reject him. I wasn't joking about giving you three days.'' She ended and my heart felt like someone was squeezing all the blood from it.
I have to reject him? Just the thought made me want to gag.
I've heard stories about rejections. If the wolf that rejects their mate truly doesn't want him/her, it will be painless but the other wolf feels everything. How can I do that to him?
Plus, I knew deep down that I wanted him too somewhere behind all the ego, pride and determination. If it were other circumstances, I knew that we'd be together right now.
So if I should reject him, I would feel that pain too. But just the thought of hurting him makes my eyes water.
I couldn't understand my attraction to this man that I didn't even know. I barely talked to the guy yet here I am, ready to cry over him.
‘Just remember what they did to your people Roxy. Just remember the cause. You can do this,’ my subconscious urged. I have been listening to her for the past two days, but eventually she might lose.
"Roxy are you there?" Jane asked through the phone, reminding me that I was talking to her.
"Yea sorry. I just have a lot to think about" I admitted truthfully, running my hands through my hair in frustration.
"I'm sorry this had to happen Rox. You of all people deserve nothing but happiness. I hope you make the choice that will make you happy"
"Thanks Jane. I'll keep you updated. Oh and please don't tell anyone" I added quickly.
"Wasn't planning to. Take care love" She dismissed before hanging up.
A small simper took over my lips as I thought about Jane. She would joke around, but in the end she always knew what to do and say.
I laid on my large silk covered bed as I tried to think about my next move. My wolf was getting restless, threatening me with her growls. I knew if I went through with the rejection she will make it her duty to ensure that I flunk this mission. I also knew that if I didn't go through with it, there was no chance of me surviving this for the next four months.
Groaning loudly, I dragged myself to the small balcony attached to my room that I discovered yesterday.
The wind hit me hard as I pushed through, allowing me to bask in its calmness. I leaned against the bar, taking in the beautiful forest and land. The birds flew by happily as if they had no care in the world, and I relished in the serene sangfroid that replaced my anxiety.
I was already relaxed, loving how just a hint of nature can make us feel 100x better. I watched in the distance as some pups play-fought, already building up their technique for when they are older.
It made me realize that being locked up in a room for two days hasn't been helping either, so I concluded that breaking a little sweat was what I really needed. Working out always calmed me.
I grabbed some training gear from my huge temporary closet and quickly pulled them on. I put my hair in a low bun and slowly opened the door, peeping to see if Mr Alpha was on one of his patrols.
Seeing that the coast was clear, I quickly rushed downstairs, silently praying that I wouldn't bump into him. I successfully reached the kitchen without being spotted, silently celebrating my small felt victory.
Calum and Lilly were sitting in at the kitchen island, causally eating what I assumed was lunch.
"Hey guys" I greeted out of politeness. I only ever see them when I come down for breakfast or dinner, even though I normally take it to my room.
"Are you here for lunch? There are some extra sandwiches if you want" Lilly offered sweetly. I actually felt hungry, so I took one and quietly nibbled on it.
They seemed shocked that I actually sat with them, and I realized that I was already failing my mission. We were supposed to get them comfortable with us, and I was doing such a terrible job.
"I actually came to ask someone to show me to the gym. I would like to have a workout" I mumbled after finishing my sandwich.
"I'd be happy to take you but you have to get permission from Ace first" Calum informed me.
"Why do I need permission from him?" I didn't see why it was necessary, but he simply shrugged.
"He said he needs to know when you guys are leaving the house. If anything happens to you guys under his care, he can get in a lot of trouble with your dad"
"I can take care of myself" I bit a little too harshly.
"I know you can, but I have to obey his orders. He's in his office, I'm sure he won't deny your request" He smirked.
"Can you ask for me?" I asked with a pout. I was trying really hard to stay away from him, and I could see that Calum saw right through it.
"I think you should go" He insisted suspiciously. I noticed that they must've been wondering why I didn't want to see my own mate, so I reluctantly surrendered just so I didn't raise anymore suspicions.
"Okay" I mumbled as I turned to leave.
"Remember what I said Roxy" Lilly called out before I reached the door. I nodded, remembering when she told me that he was a good person.
I contemplated just going back to my room, but I figured if I was ever going get any better at this, I had to be able to be around him.
I didn't agree that rejecting him was the best thing to do, but I knew that accepting him wouldn't be smart either. All I had to do was find balance between the two.
Shouldn't be too hard.
I let my legs lead me to the door that he told me I could find him at. I held my hand to knock but was immediately cut off by his voice.
"Come in Roxy," he called sternly, and I reluctantly walked in.
His office was big and beautiful, just like the rest of the house. Everything looked so modern and in place. If Aiden and I will ever have to search through here, we would have to be very careful to arrange everything back neatly.
"How did you know it was me?" I asked softly.
"I know your scent Roxy. It was sketched into my mind from the moment I knew you were mine" My heart leaped at him mentioning me as his, and my wolf purred at his voice.
He got up and walked around his table towards me, but I stepped back as he got closer. He caught my movement and settled against his desk in disappointment.
I had to be grateful that he was so patient. Many Alpha's wouldn't have accepted my distant behaviour.
"What can I help you with? Are you finally ready to talk?" He asked with hope filled eyes. I simply shook my head, avoiding eye contact.
"I actually wanted to go to the gym for a workout, but Calum said I had to get your permission"
He looked hurt for a moment, and I had to keep my feet in place so that I didn't do something to make this all worse. Everything about him was calling out to me.
His eyes suddenly lit up as if he got an idea.
"I can take you there," he said suggestively, causing my eyes to widen in panic.
"No it's okay, I'm sure you have work to do" I tried to convince him but he wasn't backing down.
"I don't mind really. It's not as important as you. I'll take you"
"I don't want you to take me" I blurted out.
"Then I don't give you my permission" he shot back stubbornly, crossing his arms.
"So you're gonna be like that?" I squinted my eyes challengingly, but he simply mimicked my gesture. A small smirk curved on his plump lips as if he was enjoying the moment. Surprisingly I did too.
"If that's what I have to do, then yes" He decided ultimately with a final smirk.
"Fine" I huffed in defeat just as a triumphant smile took over his gorgeous face.
"Just let me go get changed. I'll meet you downstairs in a minute"
He purposely brushed my bare arm with his as he walked past me. A series of tingles shot through my body as it cried for more of his touch. I was left swooning even after he left, and that's when I knew that Alpha Ace would be the death of me.
I took the opportunity to look around his office, cursing lowly as I spotted a surveillance camera.
This would only make our job harder. If we can't spy without being spotted, then we'll only flunk the mission. Luckily, I had a few tricks up my sleeve when it came to computers.
After examining his office, I quickly rushed downstairs before he could get down before me. I contemplated leaving without him since by right, I did actually get permission.
But as if the universe hated me, he appeared in a matter of seconds, wearing sweats and a T-shirt that hugged his muscles perfectly. He looked so good and lickab-
"Ready?" He asked, cutting off my thoughts.
He grabbed an apple and two bottles of water before heading through the back door. We walked in silence for a couple minutes, but I could see that the silence was killing him.
"Do you have cameras all over the house?" I asked carefully.
"No. But my office has everything important so I had to increase security measures" He answered quickly. I could see that he wasn't suspicious, probably just happy that I talked to him.
Maybe I could use this to my advantage. As my mate, he wouldn't be too suspicious about me. Maybe this could actually be a good thing. I can complete everything sooner and escape from this nightmare. I smiled at the thought.
"You have a really beautiful smile" He whispered with his eyes sparkling.
That's when my heart melted.
The smile immediately dropped from my face. Not because of his compliment, but because of what I was thinking about.
Am I really going to help my father ruin my own mate? Do I really have it in me to use him, plot against him then rage war against his pack?
‘It's only to get back what's rightfully yours,’ my annoying subconscious reminded me. But knowing Father, he's not just going to take back what was his, he'll want to take more and ruin them.
I knew this even before I came, but I didn't mind one bit. Until now.
Am I really prepared to do this? I'd be a terrible person, worse than they were when they attacked us. I wasn't even entirely sure if Ace was like his father.
Dad assured us that nothing has changed over the years, that they were all just as ruthless as the former leaders so we shouldn't fall for their behaviour. But even if I decided not to carry on with the mission, I'd be labelled as weak. I'd be failing my pack, going back on my word. If I leave Aiden to continue by himself, I couldn't go back to dad. I'd be shunned.
I couldn't stay here and live with Ace either, I'd be betraying my family.
But either way, I'd still be hurting Ace. If I leave and say nothing, Aiden will just continue the mission that I knew about, and they'd still be attacked. Plus, I'd leave him mateless. But even if I stayed with him, I still couldn't say anything to him about my pack's plan, and they'd still attack.
So either way, I'd be betraying both my pack and my mate.
I guess this was what Jane meant by choosing my priorities. Honestly, in that moment, I just wanted to fall off the face of the earth.
Why did all this have to happen to me?
I want a do over.