C1 Prelude: Ode to a Cheesy Line

It’s not you; it’s me. That has got to be one of the oldest, and, cheesiest lines that the ‘male’ species has ever come up with for ending a relationship. The whole lame connotation behind it is totally, uproariously laughable …

So; why did it hurt so much? … Probably because in this situation, the more apropos way to deliver that line should have been … It’s not you; it’s the blonde bimbo with the big boobs that just started working at my job.

For three years, Melinda had committed herself in a relationship with … from henceforth shall be known to her and her friends as that douche bag … always being lovingly devoted and faithfully loyal to only him; through the good times, and the bad times; through the ups, and the downs; and, … what Melinda deems as her biggest sacrifice, and, waste of time during those three years … sitting through three Super Bowls and World Series!

No; Melinda never was a big sports fan. But, for that douche bag, she just grit her teeth behind a forced smile and bore with it. Again … what a frigging waste of three years!

Luckily for Melinda, she has her best friend … ever since their kindergarten days … Shelby, to see her through these trying times. Shelby is a self-proclaimed ‘wiz’ at relationships and anything pertaining to the matters of the heart …which ironically; she had accumulated all of this ‘wisdom’ on the subject over the years, through dozens of ‘not so’ successful relationships of her own … and, has the perfect ‘sage advice’ for Melinda …

“Mel, trust me; in situations like these, there’s only one thing any self-respecting girl can do. … You need to go out and get drunk; and, then laid.”

And, there you have it … this is a prime example as to the extent of Shelby’s relationship ‘expertise’.

But, since they were dear friends; Melinda agreed to meet Shelby halfway.

Melinda was a firm believer in the idea of no premarital sex … which, when she thought about it; maybe might have been one of the reasons behind that douche bag dumping her for the blonde bimbo with the big boobs … but, she eventually caved in, and reluctantly agreed to go out drinking with Shelby; with their goal for the evening being to get hammered.

This was Melinda’s first mistake of the night. Unlike her 'professional’ alcoholic father, Melinda is not what one would call a drinker; she is more of a Shirley Temple kind of girl … perhaps a Coors Cutter, or two, if she really wanted to go all out and be hardcore.

Her second mistake of the night, and this one was a doozy, was to allow Shelby to take her to the bar in the Bromley Crown Royal Hotel; because, it’s pretty standard common knowledge that hard liquor and empty hotel rooms are not a safe combination.

But, since Shelby works at the hotel, and could use her employee discount even at the bar … not to mention the hook up she has with tonight’s bartender, and the potential for freebies galore … the price was right; considering that Melinda is currently between jobs. So, once again, she reluctantly concedes to Shelby’s whims.

And, the third mistake of the night, which will eventually lead her up to the biggest mistake of the night … being totally inebriated when she looked over his way.