C35 Thirty five

Trembling, I scanned my surroundings nervously due to extreme anxiety. A few students glanced at me, puzzled by the tears in my eyes that I couldn't stop from streaming down my cheeks.

It's been over a week since I last saw Cyrus. I can barely sleep, constantly wondering where he is, what he's doing. I've tried reaching out to him multiple times, but I haven't received any response.

For more than a week now, I've been restless in my room, constantly checking my phone. Sometimes, I even forget to eat because I have no appetite. Angel and Mawi practically had to force me to eat eventually.

I gripped the railings and my chest tightened again, making it hard to breathe. Someone glanced at me as if they wanted to approach and ask, so I forced a smile and shook my head at them.

I fought back the urge to cry because it would be embarrassing for others to see my tear-stained face, as if they wanted to stay and see how much I could endure.

I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand and bit my lip to stifle the impending sob that seemed never-ending. I slowly raised my gaze to the sky, my eyes still brimming with tears. I choked back another sob and sniffled to regain composure. I felt frustrated being here in the hallway, trying to hold back my tears.

Luckily, the other students who were watching me had already entered their classes. Our next professor was also absent due to an emergency, as some of my classmates informed me.

I would rather wander outside and maybe catch a glimpse of Cyrus.

"Yoreh?" a girl called out to me. "Are you okay? Here, drink this," she said, handing me a bottled water.

I sighed and bit my lip before accepting her offer. I looked up at her and managed a slight smile.

"Thanks," I said gratefully.

She nodded and smiled back. "You're welcome. Well, I'll go ahead," she said before turning away.

I wanted to follow her to thank her, but my knees felt weak. I leaned against the wall and rested my forehead on it before finally walking away.

With every step, I felt like someone was about to give in, my knees buckling. I was mentally and physically exhausted. I continued walking, carrying my bag and the bottle of water that had been handed to me earlier.

A strong gust of wind hit my face. I caught sight of the dancing leaves of the tall trees beside the building. The bright and glaring sunlight made me squint.

Where is he? Where Is my Sun?

Why does my Sun now put me in the dark that he should give light for me?

Because he deserves to do it.

I deserve it, he deserves me to give me light. The light which cometh from him... Not to others otherwise.

I forced myself to calm down and released another deep sigh. I sat down beside a large tree for shelter. It was refreshing to take in the surroundings, seeing the towering buildings and students laughing.

"I've been looking for you," Angel said, looking sad as she sat beside me.

I didn't smile at her because it would seem fake if I did. I had nothing to hide from her anymore because she had witnessed the hardship and pain I was going through.

So for what others pretend that I was fine? If I'm not?

I cleared my throat before averting my gaze. "Just getting some fresh air since our professor is absent due to an emergency," I explained.

She sighed. "Are you waiting for Cyrus again?" she asked with concern.

I immediately avoided her gaze. I felt embarrassed admitting it because they were the ones there when I cried, and here I am, sitting and waiting for his return.

"I knew you're waiting for him," she said, taking the bottled water from me and opening it. "Drink first; it's obvious from your face that you just finished crying," she said as she handed it back to me.

I nodded and slowly accepted what she offered. My throat was dry from crying earlier, and the tears kept coming.

"I won't tell you to stop waiting for Cyrus because I know how much you love him," she said gently.

"I'm not in the position to tell you what you need to do," she continued, looking at me with sympathy.

"But please never forget that you need to take care of yourself. You need to love yourself the most then to love him," she smiled and approached to give me a hug.

"No matter what happens, I'm here for you. You can always borrow my shoulder when you need to cry. You can always borrow me to wipe your tears. I won't leave you when you need me. So don't hesitate to approach me," she said reassuringly.

Tears welled up in my eyes again at her words. My vision blurred as she hugged me back, and my tears continued to fall.

I'm so lucky to have her! I was!

I didn't know what would happen to me if Angel and Mawi weren't by my side during those days when I was going crazy thinking about Cyrus.

I swallowed hard to speak properly and not break down in front of her. "Thank you," I managed to say successfully.

She patted my back again and gently tapped it to calm me down.

"I'll wait here with you," she said, firmly patting my back.

I nodded and managed a faint smile. "Thanks again," I replied with a bitter smile.

I let go of the hug and looked her in the eyes. Her eyes seemed to plead, and her concern was evident.

"I'm really sorry for worrying you," I said sheepishly.

She brushed the back of my head, so I looked up at her. She smiled at me reassuringly.

"No need to feel sorry," she said. "You didn't ask for any of this to happen because I know you don't want this,"

I averted my gaze because she was right; I didn't want any of this to happen because if I did, I wouldn't be waiting for him and crying. I don't want this because it affects my entire being.