C36 Thirty six

I lifted my gaze to the sky, squinting slightly as the sunlight hit my eyes.

"I don't know what's happening," I said, looking up. "We have a label, but it feels like we don't," I said sadly. "Because why do I feel like even though we're together, it's like I'm the one asking for his time?" I asked, my gaze still on the sky.

I heard the consecutive sighs from the person beside me, so I slowly turned to them.

"Because he's already an ex, they broke up, and he was left by them." I said gently. "He was left by them and I remained, why was he the one chosen?"

Maybe Cyrus and I didn't have anything serious yet. Maybe nothing... absolutely nothing.

"Just because Cyrus isn't here doesn't mean he didn't choose you. Maybe there's another emergency," she said.

I shook my head, chuckling softly. "What emergency could it be again if he's been silent for over a week? Did he know how sleepless the past few nights have been for me?"

There's a part of me that's annoyed, but there's more on my part that's not... that's waiting again for his explanation.

She sighed and looked at me firmly. "I don't know what to tell you, but stay strong," she said.

I smiled and nodded.

"Angel," I called to her as my gaze wandered.

"Hmm?" was her only response.

I smiled before speaking. "Do you remember the stories you told me about the people you chat with?" I changed the topic and looked at her.

She furrowed her brows. "Who among them?" she asked, puzzled, so I laughed.

"The five guys you were talking about, the ones you said you love,"

"Ah.." she nodded. "Why?" she asked again.

I shook my head. "Just remembered that there were five of them, but you said you love them all," I said with a smile.

She seemed to understand that I wanted to change the subject we were discussing earlier, so she nodded along.

"The past is the past! They all ghosted me, saying they're going to sleep. Looks like they're going to sleep forever!" she said with a laugh, making me laugh again.

"Don't you plan on looking for something serious?" I suddenly went silent after asking.

"No," she shook her head. "I'm not afraid of commitment, I'm just afraid to be hurt, SERIOUSLY," she said with a smile.

"It's not going to be like that forever,"

"Yeah, I knew," she replied, rolling her eyes.

I just returned my gaze to the surroundings. The only sound was the rustle of the wind against something and the leaves of the trees. There were a few people passing by, but they were scarce.

I tucked my hair behind my ear, following its movement with the wind. I took a deep breath and held onto my chest to calm myself again because I felt the unrelenting urge to cry again.

How long will we be like this? How long will I cry while waiting for him?

"Yoreh.." I looked up.

Elica was looking at me sadly. She walked over to me, a little surprised by Angel's presence beside me.

"You have company," she said shyly, scratching her neck.

I smiled at her. "Ah, yes, Angel this is Elica, then Elica this is Angel," I said, introducing them.

"Elica," then she handed her hand.

"Angel," then they shook hands.

I smiled before turning to Elica again. "What do you want to say, Elica?"

She sighed and sat beside me. "Have you and Cyrus broken up?" she asked sadly.

I furrowed my brows at her statement. "No,"

She seemed surprised by what I said. Her eyes widened as she looked away and shook her head.

"Why?" I asked.

She bit her lip and shook her head. It seemed like she wanted to say something more, but she didn't have the courage to say it.

"Go on," Angel also urged her.

Elica gathered her courage and faced me. "For the past few days when we have the same classes, I noticed that you're spacing out. You always seem lost and your eyes are always watery," she said. "So I thought you broke up and earlier.."

I shook my head at her because she seemed really nervous, so I started to feel nervous as well.

"W-what was that?" I nervously asked.

She sighed again and bravely faced me.

"Because earlier I've been looking for you to check up on you. And yesterday, I saw Cyrus with another girl, so I thought you've already split," she bit her lip and raised her hand.

"But maybe I'm wrong? Since you're not broken up yet... Yeah, that's right. I just jumped to conclusions.. Yes, right," she said, retracting her statement.

I just stared at her blankly and avoided her gaze. My chest suddenly tightened again, and the feeling of heaviness returned. My eyes also blurred with tears. What is this again? What is this again, Cyrus? Are you really cheating on me?

For over a week that you've been gone, you're by his side? Why? I choked back a sob and covered my mouth, tears falling continuously. I felt their hands on my back, trying to calm me down.

My crying and shoulder shaking were relentless due to excessive crying. I'm tired... I'm so tired.