C18 Lacking love

I wiped my hair properly and looked at my two friends sitting squarely on the bed.

"What?" I smiled at them.

Angel raised her brows "How many minutes... hours did you wait for Cyrus and the heavy rain caught you?"

Suddenly I felt so heavy that I coughed a little. Why do we still need to talk about it?

For sure Cyrus has a good reason why he didn't pick me up. Why is he with someone else? Why did I wait for him? Why he didn't come when I was waiting for him. I know he has a good reason.

I hope so...

I hope there is...

Because if not, I might be suspicious like my friends are.

"I didn't wait long," I lied.

I waited for him for three hours while covered in cold.

While he did not know what he was doing.

"Really?" Mawi said clearly annoyed.

I snorted and looked away. I was also able to change my nightgown and properly put the towel back in the right bag.

I tried to avoid their burning stares because I didn't have time to argue with them. My head hurts and I feel dizzy, I can't think of anything anymore.

All I want right now is not to suspect him but to rest.

"I'm going to sleep," I only said.

They just sighed and nodded. I lay down on the bed. Looks like I have a fever! I hope not because I might fail the exam next week because I didn't review properly.

They both stood up and it looked like Mawi couldn't sleep yet because he also went out.

I sat up and let out a long sigh. My eyes caught my cell phone that was on the study table. It was as if my body had a mind of its own because I immediately stood up to reach for it.

I hope he will answer my call.

"Hello?" I said enthusiastically.

[Sorry, I didn't fetch you. Because my phone went down and it was an emergency," He said coldly.

I smiled.

He said he had a reason why he picked me up. Fortunately, I didn't jump to conclusions.

"It's okay, what's the emergency? Are you okay?"

I wanted to ask him if Akia was with him or who was with him that Mawi mentioned. I trusted Mawi too, but I trusted Cyrus too.

The most?

[Are you all right? Your voice seems sluggish. Are you okay?] He still coldly promised.

Why don't I hear any tenderness from his voice now or maybe a little worry? Why do I feel something strange? Even if you don't want to be suspicious, it seems like something like that is happening to me.

I shook my head.

"I'm fine," I lied.

It looks like I'm just going to get sick because you didn't show up. My eyes just got blurry for some unknown reason.

[Okay,] he said sparingly.

And there was a silence. I was about to start talking when I heard another voice on the other line.

[Can you please, Do it properly, huh? The alcohol is so painful,] the woman's soft voice said.

Soft voice.

A soft voice that broke the trance. Her soft voice! I remembered it! I can't be wrong!

Why are they together? What is happening? Why is it like this? Why didn't Cyrus tell me right away that he was with the girl he loved first than me? Why does something seem wrong?

I was so stunned that I could still hear the moaning on the other line.

[You need to endure the pain, Akia. Stop hurting yourself,] Cyrus promised calmly.

Are they not aware that I can hear what they are talking about?

I held my forehead and my head hurt a little.

Why are they together? Why am I suspicious right away? It's not possible... There must be a good reason that Cyrus can explain to me if we talk again.

It is certain that Cyrus will have something to say to him. Why was he able to stay with Akia especially knowing that I was waiting for him? Why couldn't he call me right away to find out if I was okay? Why he couldn't soften or calm his voice while talking to me.

I hope he had his reason, A reasonable reason.

[I miss you, Cyrus,] Akia said.

I was a little stunned. I immediately hung up and took a deep breath. I still can't figure out what Cyrus will answer. I can't, I really can't.

What if when Akia returns, I disappear from her sight? He was able not to pick me up and call me or caress me because the girl he loved so much was by his side the day I first met her. How is it possible now that the word his ex uttered has meaning?

What if because of that he suddenly leaves me? What if because of that he is willing to gamble for that woman? I sobbed for a moment, Was he going to gamble with me? Why not? Shouldn't I have answered him first and consulted first if it's true that he loves me more?

Go ahead!

He said he loves me! But he never said that he loves me more than his ex!

Maybe it's right for me to think like this, right?

Because he loved it and he was the first. I have no one to blame if the result is that Cyrus leaves me because it is my fault. I let him love me and love me. Maybe his love for me is not enough?

He stayed beside his ex, does that mean he prefers Akia? That he loves it more?

I stood up and walked, I didn't care about my headache because I rushed in the rain earlier.

"Calm down," I whispered to myself.

I even fanned myself with my hand and tried to calm myself down.

"Calm down, He's not a cheater, okay? Cyrus is not like that. He has his reason," I convinced myself.

Something whispered to me that I don't know where it came from.

He's not a cheater, is he? Cyrus isn't like that, is he? He has his reason, does he have one?

I shook my head again.

"Are you alright?"

I turned my gaze to Mawi who was hiding behind the closed door. She's crossing her arm over her chest and softly looked at me.

I bit my lip and for some unknown reason I ran to him. Every step I take feels like I'm being stabbed in the chest. I couldn't hold back the tears that didn't fall because of the weight of my feelings.

He immediately greeted me with a warm hug.

"I-I don't know," I cried.

I don't know if I'm okay? I don't know if my crying is worth it? I don't know what's going on.

I do not know.

He patted me on the back "Shhh," he held me. "You're hot and it looks like you're going to get sick. Don't think about it because you might feel worse,"

I nodded.

I don't want to think first I'm afraid.

"Okay," I said.

He helped me back to my bed. I also noticed his successive sighs.

"Don't come in tomorrow,"

"I'm coming in," I answered.

"Just rest here," he insisted.

I shook my head "Maybe I can,"

"Just rest here. Angel will take care of telling your Prof. You won't be able to focus tomorrow if you have a headache,"

I pouted "Okay," I gave up.

He smiled lightly before walking to his bed.

I slowly closed my eyes and opened my eyes immediately. I can't sleep right away because the questions in my mind keep me awake.

I looked at the white ceiling and was slightly stunned.

How about in an instant. Will Cyrus be lost to me because he has found someone he loves more? What if in an instant the time is reversed and he changes his feelings for me?

What if in an instant, I'm gone?

What if it's him again?

How about me?

I looked up when my cell phone rang. Just as I was about to get up to pick it up, Mawi stood up.

"I'll take it," he said.

"Thanks,"

He nodded and handed me the cell phone, he winked a little before turning away from me, making me sneeze.

Cyrus and I's picture flashed on the screen.

I answered smiling and biting my lip. I swallowed one after another to keep my voice from cracking.

"Hmm?" I'm just saying.

It's like I'm about to cry. Can you please Cyrus, calm me down?

Can you please explain to me what's happening?

[Are you asleep?]

It was as if my heart was being pierced again because of his still cold voice.

Is he really Cyrus?

"It's not... because I can't sleep yet,"

Because of the questions in my mind. Because I suspect you that I am asking is not right. That you are not there for Akia because you love her more. It's him again and I'm not.

[Good,]

Wrapping in silence again. I was a little stunned. What is it really? Why is this? Is he hinting that he will leave me?

"Did you eat already?" I will ask.

Even though I have a lot of questions about him and Akia that I want to ask. I didn't ask because I didn't want to.

I don't want to realize that I'm not... that I've never really been.

[Yup, You?] He came back to me.

That seems forced.

I can not take it anymore. I feel like crying again.

"Yes,"

Wrapping up again with a silence that today is already tok-toka for us.

Won't he even explain?

[Yoreh,]

My tears started to flow because of the weight of the feeling.

Yoreh... not Selene... not my baby...

Not my moon.

"Hmm," I successfully stifled a sob.

The difficulty.

[Tomorrow by the way,]

"Ah tomorrow--"

[I won't be able to pick you up, tomorrow or maybe later, I just have things to take care of, Sorry, Yoreh,] he promised.

[Cyrus, Can you please help me to fix my things?]

Alas, my lips looked at the cell phone when he killed me.

Fixed her things? What? Why is there anything and he is fixing his stuff. Will he stay at Cyrus's hotel? What will they do! Putangina.

He's not Cyrus! No! Cyrus's call won't kill me. He always begged me to hang up first! That's not him! No! Bitch!

He didn't even call my name the way he called me. He didn't even explain to me.

He didn't even notice that I was hurt that I was hurt.

He didn't even say his breathless 'I love you'

I immediately tipped.

To: My Sun.

I love you.

I waited a few minutes to receive his reply. He didn't fall asleep right away, did he?

But it's been an hour and nothing. Not even a dot, nothing.

That's not him! I hope not... But... That's him but not the only Cyrus who said he loved me.