C3 Stain

Someone who didn’t love me and someone who didn’t I know actually got my virginity. It may not be that important to anyone else but to me it is. I never wanted to give it away just like that but I did.

I fucking did.

I feel sick to my stomach thinking about what I have done last night. I wanted to cry and pull him out of his bed and slap him but then maybe it wasn't his fault? What if I wanted what we did last night? What if I willingly said yes to him? But I don't know what exactly happened last night too. What if he forced me to sleep with him? Or what if I was the one who initiated everything or obliged to what he was saying and doing to me?

The thought almost makes me want to cry again and get angry towards myself. I'm such a bitch!

I turn around and stare back at the bed. My mouth opens in shock.

There's blood on where I laid down a while ago.

I feel my cheeks burning because of shame is creeping under my skin and I knew I had to leave right away without letting him know that I was going because what we did was embarrassing. Staining his bed is already too embarrassing for me to take in.

Talk about the walk of shame Miranda.

Now you just gave your virginity to someone not important to you, who doesn't even care about you.

I wouldn't want him to think that I was an easy girl but then I turned out to be, because here I am inside his bedroom fully naked just a second ago with the blood stain on top of his sheets. Shit Miranda.

Gosh this is embarrassing.

I think to myself, “You were just influenced by alcohol and you didn't know what you were doing all along.”

Whoever this guy is, I really don't want him to remember me or what we did last night. I'm sure he doesn't even want to remember me too. As much as possible I don't want him to talk to me ever again. I don't want to remember this thing that had even happened to us.

To me, most especially. I don't want to see him again and I don’t want to remember that this even happened.

Wait...

How will I not see him again if I don't even know how he looks like?

Now I'm curious about how he looks. I had to know maybe a peek won't hurt. I need to know what he actually looks like. I need to look at his face.

What if I gave my virginity to someone who is really old or to an ugly old man? But his butt didn’t really look all too saggy.

What if I gave my virginity to my teacher in high school? Or it could be someone worst. Oh my God! I have to know who it is and if I wont know, it would be much of a trouble for me in the next days.

I tip toed my way back to the bed carefully, like I was a robber, and took a deep breath in before I could stand in front of the man sleeping on top of his bed who I gave my virginity to a one drunken night.

As I finally stand next to the bed, I froze and stopped myself from breathing.

No fucking way.

It's Satellite Patrol’s lead vocalist, Hugo Saintclare.

I quickly pulled my hands up to cover my mouth out of extreme shock.

No, this cannot be actually happening. There’s absolutely no way.

Relax Miranda. Don't scream or else you'll wake him up. I thought.

I try to shake my hands in front of me while my heart was racing inside my chest. I pinch my cheeks to see if I was dreaming or if this was one of my wet dreams of Hugo Saintclare in it, but it's not.

This is real.

This is actually happening to me.

This just fucking happened.

Holy fuck, Hugo and I had sex.

We literally had sex.

I tried to rub my eyes to triple check but it's really Hugo sleeping on top of the bed. I'm definitely not hallucinating and definitely not making things up because he is actually right in front of me.

I have never imagined that this could happen. I never thought I could be this close to seeing the Hugo Saintclare. What was more shocking is that, I am not screaming or fangirling hardcore because I am still in a state of shock.

I can feel my blood rushing through my veins and I feel more nervous as I stand here beside his bed with my hands still covering my mouth. I never thought I could watch him sleep or accidentally see his bum first thing in the morning or be this close distance to the one and only Hugo of the famous Satellite Patrol.

Let alone have sex with him.

I can't barely put into words what I am actually feeling right now because it’s not something that happens to me on a regular basis. Any second he'll wake up, he will see me and he will see the blood stain on his bed.

Embarrassing.

So embarrassing.

I'm sad that I lost my virginity but in the back of my head I feel a little bit happy that he was the one who took it. I mean, your virginity being taken away by the world’s famous lead vocalist. It’s surreal.

But there's more that I am feeling which I just don't know how to explain. I don't have any idea how to put into words what I should be feeling right now and how surprising everything is to me.

I quickly pulled my phone out from my pocket and sneakily took a photo of him sleeping. This would be my proof so that my friends would believe my story. And even though the details from last night are all a blur to me, at least I have a personal photo of him before I'll disappear in his life for good.

I'm not planning on seeing him again or appearing in front of him, crying like he took my virginity away to get famous. I wouldn't do that. I don’t want to embarrass myself in front of his band’s millions of fans.

Having no memories of what could have happened last night? It could've been embarrassing. I could've done shameful things that I don't want to remember being completely sober now. I was blackout wasted last night and I don't want to remember what embarrassing things I did. God knows what they are.

And moreover, the bloodstain on his bed is bugging the hell out of me. That's why I'm not going to appear in his life again. Never again.