C7 Chapter 6: Heart to Heart Talk (Part 2)

When Asami returns home, she changes back into her indoor slippers and closes the wide steel door as it automatically locks behind her. She then heads straight to the kitchen while carrying a plastic bag in her hand. She sighs along the way, the extreme guilt piercing her heart as she recalls Mrs. Yen’s mournful smile while she was walking her back to their apartment.

Those short minutes Asami shared with her were the best.

Mrs. Yen reminds her of her birth mother, hence, the happy old couple filled the longing she felt within her from her strict yet loving parents, who are in Japan.

It’s been tough being away from the place of her origin.

Ten long years, Asami Saesang hasn’t stepped a foot in Japan since then.

How she wished it’ll be summer already, she plans to visit soon as possible. Jin’s already seventeen, it should be safe enough to travel by plane.

She doesn’t know what she would do if he passes out inside the plane and need medical attention right there and on.

To be short, she was just too paranoid. She couldn't afford to risk his life just to grant her wishes.

After having him, it took her one child to realize and understand why her parents were so protective of her when she was still staying under their roof.

Jin opens his eyes wide at the familiar smell spreading in their apartment. Is that what he thinks it is?

“Mr. Yen’s Bulgogi?”

Oh, how he loves its inevitable scent intruding and pleasuring his nostrils.

He rushed to the counter and pulled one of the seats as his mother took out the Bulgogi inside the plastic, a black plate wrapped with a foil on top of it.

“Yes, apparently Mr. Yen insisted on bringing it home with me.” She licks the stains in her fingers before throwing the moist foil in the bin, “He doesn’t want you to miss this chance of eating your favorite.”

It tasted just how Jin wanted it.

She couldn’t describe or measure how Mr. Yen favors and adores her child. She couldn’t thank the couple enough for their warm affection towards them.

Asami smiles after seeing the glint inside Jin’s eyes. His gaze never left the untouched and warm Bulgogi.

Jin’s gaze shift from the bulgogi laid hot before to his mother that’s standing across the counter. His eyes went down to the appetizing dish, then back at his mother again.

He’s famished, but eating is not the best choice right now.

For the love of God, his stomach is not the important issue right now.

Asami checks her wristwatch. It's still quarter to five.

A small meal should be fine. Likewise, their dinner will be right around eight in the evening.

She leans in, her hands pressed onto the counter as she kisses him on his forehead, “You did well today.” Her fingers lovingly brush through the strands of his hair.

School’s tough, she, herself experienced the hardships of a student and one of those is the intense pressure she received from her family and worrying about her success in the future.

As his mother, she doesn’t want him to experience the insecurities she had back then. Instead, what she wants for him is simple, she wishes him to enjoy his university life to its fullest, make mistakes, learn, and gain experience not just shove his face to hundreds of pages from his academic books that won't let him understand what true happiness feels like.

She doesn't want him to miss out the freedom and fun youngsters like him should be enjoying.

He’s missing out so much more than he knows.

In fact, she doesn’t want him to regret it someday.

She wants to make sure his mental health will not be affected by pressure alongside loneliness.

As long as she sees he’s also trying his best to catch up with others of his kind, she’ll just be his shoe, protecting him as he scores his goal.

“Mr. Cho has approved about your medical condition at hand. You’re now excused to not participate in any school activities as well as events that require endurance.” She fixes his plate and refills his glass with warm water.

By all means, they need to pay close attention to his health.

What normal person passes out three days consecutively within a week?

“I have also discussed this with your subject teachers and asked for their participation in monitoring you. In hopes to lessen the risk from the previous incidents.”

She pinches half a lemon that goes well with his warm water before bringing the plate together with the glass in front of him.

But despite seeing the bulgogi his mother served in front of him, Jin wore a disappointed look on his face, “Then I’d be the only student who’ll be stuck with written activities and exams for physical education or performance projects in school events?”

It’s just like how he was back then. The same situation has repeated from his primary and middle school days.

Asami nods her head back at him, “Right, bear with it until we figure out how to deal with your condition. Your doctor suggested until we run a few tests, you shouldn’t strain your body right past its limits.”

She knows he disapproves of this, they have already talked about this and she promised she wouldn’t take full control over his situation.

She understands him. She really does and it pains her to see him like this, but she just couldn’t sit and continue to watch with worry.

“Hey…” Asami rubs his back seeing his cramped mood, “Everything will be alright. Mommy can promise you that.” She wraps an arm around him from behind and rubs the side of his head before she went to find the heater and place it a meter near him.

Jin nods halfheartedly. This is probably the best for his situation, right? One way or another he can’t do anything about it nor can he stop it.

Little by little, his thought of being strangely different from others haunts his mind and resurfaces the trauma he tried to bury long ago.

It’s all coming back to him, pieces by pieces.

He’s responsible for his own body, yet he’s frustrated about the things he wants to know and the cause of it. Just like his questionable anxiety of being left alone in the dark, the non-stop trembling of his body and hands, the tightening of his chest, and the unshed tears from his eyes appearing unconsciously.

At some point, it’s not a coincidence that these happen to him all at once after his nightmares, right after he wakes up from his dark delusions. Yet so vivid like a memory.

He wants to be heard out. He’s waiting for someone who’ll lend their ears and arms open for him and would help him understand and overcome the weaknesses he has. Because whenever he opens it up to his mother, surprisingly they’ll always end up in front of Mr. Yen’s work office.

Jin’s hands clench under the counter.

He couldn’t even understand his own body, how would he have the courage to take care of others?

Was he born like this? He is expected to always lean to someone at all costs and forced to depend on other people but himself.

He’s born as a man, but he can’t be like one.

Pale face, thin figure, and a weak body.

His middle school bullies would be laughing at him after knowing his unchangeable fate until now.

Jin's phone buzzes on the counter beside his plate, causing all the pessimistic thoughts inside his head to stop and wither away, in the meantime.

The screen of his phone lit up, displaying a small pop-up notification under the time and date shown on his lock screen.

Mr. Snob: Red suits you well.

Mr. Snob: Wear it more often.

Would there be anyone who fancies a man who’s as weak as a twig like him?

No.

He believes not.

At some point...that was what he thought, two weeks behind the fate, written and waiting before him.