C6 Chapter 6

March, 2020

God! There isn’t even one place where we can be alone. Why

do people have to follow us everywhere we got?” I said in

frustration. It was getting on to me. We had searched the entire

hall, but there was someone everywhere.

“I know! I wonder… Everybody seems to be interested in us,” she

said, frustrated too.

“I know I am handsome. But that doesn’t mean girls and, now,

even boys will hound me!” I boasted jokingly.

“Yes, yes, why not! Everybody is after you, Mr. Tom Cruise!” she

said bantering.

“Please! Don’t compare him with me. I won’t stand such ribaldry.

Anyway, I think we should rent a room in this hotel only. There

we can be absolutely alone. We can talk and do anything,” I said

jokingly.

“Wow! We two in one room when all our relatives are down here.

What a brilliant idea! I am not your girlfriend, Tejas.”

“If only you could be, didi.”

“What about those two chairs? Pretty secluded, I guess,” she

said.

“I just hope nobody interrupts while I discourse or he’ll be

blasted!”

“What if it’s a she?”

“Depends, didi, depends,” I said, stumped and we both laughed.

“So tell the tale, Mr. Romeo.”

“Right away, didi, right away.”

And so I began to tell her the dilemmas that had been

troubling me lately and who better to discuss them with, than her.

Ria didi. The time to introduce her has come. Ria didi, my eldest

sister, is the daughter of my youngest tayaji (uncle–father’s elder

brother). I have three tayajis and my father is the youngest

brother. She has been my closest friend for years now. She has

been my confidante and agony aunt, the one to whom I turn to in

times of trouble, specifically, troubles concerning the devilish

species of girls.

So I turned to her once again for her pearls of wisdom at the

moment of distress. Thank God, I could do it in person this time;

for she was luckily here in India. I have the fortune of seeing her

only once a year during her annual summer trip; and now I was

glad I did not have resort to the lovely but extremely slow

correspondence through letters. In a world that has moved on

from snail-mail to hotmail and what-not-mail we still prefer to

compose long loving letters to each other. For it is joy to find her

envelope with the unfamiliar but curious postage stamp nesting in

my letter-box, bearing my name crafted in her hand. And, what

joy it is, indeed, to tear open the envelop excitedly but carefully…

taking out the fragrance of fond memories. She landed a couple of

days back. I was there to receive her. We had hugged each other

warmly and I had intimated her of my predicament while she was

buying her safe mineral water from the IGI Airport lounge.

“Didi!” I had exclaimed, “Your brother is in a soup.”

“Girls?” she had asked and I had nodded meekly.

“Tell me all, sweets,” she had remarked and it was only now, in

an obscure cousin’s wedding, that we had found an opportunity to

talk freely, without my dear sisters – Sneha and Palak – hovering

around us. They had some exams.

“There’s a problem, didi. I like a girl.”

“I don’t see any problem with that unless the girl thinks that you

are a rotten egg.”

“No, that’s not the case, didi.”

“Don’t tell me you have finally managed to find a girl foolish

enough to like you.”

“Maybe.”

“So that’s the problem. You are not sure the traffic is two way?”

“That is just the tip of the iceberg, didi. Water’s deeper, much

deeper,” I said, repeating like a philosopher.

“So will you fire away at once or continue to stare at the floor, Mr.

Manoj Kumar?” I looked up.

“You remember Gayatri?”

“Of course, I do, the unfortunate girl of Verma uncle who lost her

life in an accident? Extremely sad…” I must have leapt a foot or

two on hearing that. after all, I had met her just week before in

the neighbourhood café. Didi said it in a manner so offhand that it

took its toll on me. It seemed like a slap in the middle of a sound

sleep. I had liked the girl, and she was a rather nice person. My

mind went blank. I hardly noticed that the cutlet I had been

chewing so meticulously, deriving joy from every bite, was no

longer in my mouth. I had heard a thud, I thought.

“When did that happen?” was all I could utter.

“Why, you only told me lat month?” she answered puzzled.

“I did?” Yes, when we talked on phone.”

“Oh! Then it dawned on me. It was a monumental communication

error. “My God! I said Gayatri’s dog lost life!” I said with relief.

And disbelief. A word out of place can cause havoc.

“Oh! The phone lines weren’t clear. I am sorry. A gross mistake.”

I let out a breath. Thank God, she was alive. There was didi,

munching cutlets coolly, as if nothing at all had happened. As I

regained my sense, now that the gentle soul was alive, I

discovered my lost cutlet. There it was, perched comfortably at

the bottom of my coke glass emitting bubbles. So that what the

thud was about.

I told her to be a little more considerate before uttering such

shockers. She said she would be and told me, “But really, your

voice wasn’t clear and besides, you sounded pretty cool and

happy that day. I myself was astounded by your attitude. Hence

my casualness in mentioning the casualty.”

“Oh, happy I was! Happy to be free after all, because that Rahul

of hers had bitten my butt a hundred times and, in a benevolent

mood, had liked my face like a mop on the floor.”

“Rahul?”

“Yes, Rahul, the same grotesque dog.”

“She named that dog Rahul!” she said, wondering at the ways of

the world. Strange indeed, I agree.

“Yes, she did. Apparently Rahul had been Gayatri’s crush since

LKG who left the school one fine day.”

“Sad!”

“extremely sad! Hence the name Rahul. In memory of the

departed.”

“Change your name, Tejas!”

“Why?”

“She will be al yours!” she said and we laughed heartily.

“So, what about Gayatri?” she inquired.

“You know she is pretty, didi. She was shaken after the loss sand

found comfort in me…”

“Hmm, so you exploited the age old Rule One of the ho-to-win-a-

girl theory.”

“Absolutely, hit the iron when it’s hot. Whip the girl’s tears and

she is all yours.”

“Wow, brother! You too! All boys are the same!”

“No, didi, you know what that I won’t play with anyone’s heart.

Precisely the reason why I chat with you.”

“Fine, go on.”

“So… she has started liking me a lot and I am sure about it.”

“Just a moment back you were not sure about it.”

“Oh! That was not for her, didi. That’s the whole problem. Where

it gets a trifle too intricate for a nut like me.”

She raised her eyebrows and said, “Why don’t you say everything

clearly, then? You tell it all with an unnecessary air of suspense.

Now clear the muddle for me.”

“I am trying, didi. But it is so damn heavy, too many details.”

“I think you are compounding the situation yourself. As far as I

remember you were nuts about this girl and when you have got

the breakthrough… through a chance of, pardon me, funny

misfortune, you behave queerly. And now if you are thinking

about another girl, as I gather you are, you are just being stupid.

The more you’ll look, the prettier others girls will seem. Stop

behaving like a child. You like her and she likes you. The case is

dismissed. You guys are never satisfied,” she thundered.

In wake of this attack, I lost completely what I had to tell

didi. I began to appreciate the truth in her words and wondered

why I was having this conference at all, when I realized that I had

not yet completed the story. And suddenly it came back to me.

“No, the case has only just begun, didi; please show some

patience. You draw conclusions so hastily,” I thundered back,

“What a while.”

“Fine, sir,” she surrendered.

“So where was I? Ye, true, that I used to like Gayatri, but I am

not sure about her. The problem is that I really like another girl,”

I said in one breath.

“So what’s the problem?”

“She is some two thousand kilometers away.”

“What! How do you manage all this, Tejas? You can’t do a normal

thing in the world but pull off such unfathomable… you sure are

amazing. Now who is she?”

“Shreya Bhargava.”

“Wow, what a way to tell,” she laughed. “Won’t you add her dad’s

name too? I am not asking you for the name of the seventeenth

president of Mozambique, idiot. Just say Shreya, dumbo,” she

continued to laugh. These sisters really pull your leg well.

“Yes, so Shreya she is.”

“Who is she? Some achool-mate?”

“No, Palak’s friend.” She was stunned.

“Way to go! That’s something! Now eyeing your sister’s friends…

Not bad,” she added teasingly.

“She is really great, didi.”

“Now don’t blush brother,” she taunted and then suddenly as if

stung by a bee added, “Wait a minute. How is she, then, two and a

whatever kilometers away? How did you meet her?”

Well, it wouldn’t be of use to add most of our subsequent

conversation. I have already told you all that and in detail. Our

first meeting. I told her everything gleefully and that solved some

of her doubts. It would be convenient if you join the conference

her. Right here.

“What guts, Tejas!” she said, shaking her head in disbelief. She

had been fed a tad too much and I could see it was getting heavy

for her. I allowed her a breath.

“Anyways, good move to obtain her mailing address. So did you

use it?”

“Obviously. We started mailing each other once a week or so.

Normal, friendly, harmless mails. Discussing the usual: movie,

music, books… just the extension of our conversation that day. It

took us no time to discover that we had similar tastes. Very

similar.”

“Cool! Go on.”

“Yes, so… gradually the frequency of mails increased and so did

the number of similarities. I mean, I was myself amazed. This is

what drew me most towards her.”

“Will you tell me some of them? Don’t tell me something like…

both of you realized that you had two ears, two eyes…” We both

laughed again and I added:

“Of course, not. In fact, our anatomies are very different face

down. Like I don’t have…”

“Shut up,” she intervened in time. Laughter, again. “Tell me

something substantial,” she asked, like the expert must.

“So yes, like… we both like similar kind of movies and music. Both

not-partying types. Both love simple things; hate anything loud

and cheap. And then, yes, she is pretty close to her family like

me… a homely girl.”

“Wow, my homely boy!” I blushed.

“Stop making fun, so yes… our outlook on most subjects is quite

similar. Pretty conservative and sentimental.”

“Don’t tell me you discussed moral issues.”

“We did, didi. She was impressed. “You’ll say we are crazy if I tell

you we discussed things like empowerment of women, role of

women in our society, neglect of parents and the elderly, illiteracy

and population, rapidly eroding traditional values, proliferation of

drugs, confused, materialistic youth. We even planned to open a

school for poor…”

“Enough. Fine, I get it,” she hastily interrupted unable to tolerate

anymore. “Seems preety interesting. So the girl knows you are

crazy and still bears you.”

“Yes! And she is so nice. It is fascinating to discuss all this with

someone. I mean… I have this habit of lecturing, you know, but

nobody is ever interested, and here is a girl who is not just

listening but complementing me so well. Of course, we have other

trivial similarities like enjoying the same sort of movies –

romantic and arty, ice creams – chocolate and strawberry,

chocolates – without nuts, pastries, popcorns, bhutta… But the

thing that bowled me over was our similar emotional quotient.

She is a very nice girl, the kind you rarely find nowadays. Simple.

Not one who’ll colour her hair or get funny piercings or get a

tattoo or flaunt her legs or smoke or party… She is so different… I

had to fall for her,” I astounded myself by going on and on, “I

was already smitten by her beauty and that she was so much like

how I wanted my girl to be just finished me. She is like Sneha and

Palak. Who’d be just the right blend of modern and traditional –

who’d be dressed so gracefully and not follow the fashion trends

blindly – who’d like to dance and all but prefer dinners by the

candlelight – who’d like to dance and all but prefer dinners by the

candlelight – who’d be progressive, but would not hesitate to lend

her mother a hand in the kitchen.”

“Tejas, you are gone,” didi interrupted again.

I knew I was gone. I couldn’t believe that a girl could have

that kind of effect. She was all I had thought for over a month

now. I didn’t know if it really was love or not but one thing was

sure, I liked her, a lot. And I had never been so close to any girl,

except, of course, my sisters.

My didi lovingly stroked my hair, and looked into my eyes and

said, “So you are in love.”

“So it seems.”

“Hmm, so what is the problem now? Why are you thinking at all

about Gayatri?”

“I told you, Shreya is so far away. Don’t know when we’ll meet if

at all we do. It’ll be really difficult. And besides, I am not sure she

likes me.”

“Hmm, of course she likes you. Otherwise you wouldn’t have had

such discussions. But the problem may be that she likes you

purely as a friend. Girls do the often. Boys always look for the

romantic angle though. But girls can just be very good friends.

Boys take the wrong tip then.”

”I know. That’s another problem. So the dilemma is that I have a

girl in the neighbourhood who likes me and I sort of like her. And

then there’s a girl, farther than most neighbouring nations, about

whom I am absolutely crazy but don’t know her position. And I

have no one but you to solve it.”

“What puzzle is being solved? Let me see too,” said a heavy voice

from behind. Dad was standing right there.

“Nothing, papa.”

“So let’s move home, did you have food?”

We replied in positive although didi had just one cutlet and I

couldn’t even manage that. to hell with food. I thought. We’d go

home and eat Maggi noodles at night. Lovely it is to stay up all

night and talk, and visit the kitchen to cook Maggi together. We

got up.

“Tejas, what’s that cutlet doing in your Coke?”

“Nothing, dad… was just experimenting with new recipes.”

We reached home at about midnight. Sneha was already.

Thank God, I thought. Now didi and I could talk easily. The whole

story had become so riveting that none of us wanted to sleep. I

had no college the next day. We continued from where we had

left. This time in whispers.

“You didn’t tell me if you two exchanged mails only or started

talking? I assumed you talk a lot from the kind of discussions you

have had.”

”Yes, didi. We started talking gradually. I called her first time on

her birthday, the seventh of February. In fact, that’s the only

reason why I bought a cell phone.”

“So, bills must be burning your pocket, Romeo.”

“Don’t ask, didi. Most of my allowance goes there. But she is the

one who calls for longer periods from her home.”

“Okay! Great. If se talks to you so much on STD, one thing’s for

sure, she likes talking to you.”

“I guess so!”

See brothers, all’s pretty and promising. But have you ever talked

romantically?” she asked, examining each details of her

specimen.

“Yes, but very lightly.”

“Like?”

“Like, discussing what qualities we would like in our partner, then

jokingly calling each other perfect for each other as we have so

many similarities. And yes, since nobody else in the world finds us

tolerable, why destroy two innocents’ lives, better marry each

other. That’ll be a humble social service.”

“So, no boyfriend for her, too?”

“Luckily, no.”

“Any previous relationship?”

“Luckily, no.”

“Hmm, you’ll have to be more romantic and direct.”

“Okay. But it’s been really good so far. And that’s because my

intention was never to woo her. It’s true, I loved her the first time

I saw her. But then the distance was a big deterrent. I had

thought about her a lot initially but finally came to ground. I mean

there was no way I thought we could be together. Practically

impossible. And, then, it is lovely to be good friends with her. We

gel so well. And it is really nice to talk clean all the time. And I

like it this way.”

“So… now the distance has reduced or what?”

“Well, I have been thinking…” in fact, that had been the only

thing on my mind. “She comes here about twice a year. So…

sometimes I feel… I like her so much and can wait for her but at

other times I feel it will be a bit too much.”

“Too much, as in?”

“As in, didi, my college years are racing past me and I haven’t

even dated a girl. Most distressing, didi. Sometimes I fell like a

terminally ill man, with just two years of life left, who wants to

make the most of them. Hence the quick need of a girl, who is

nearby. It is a race against time.”

I wondered, now, how immature and foolish I was to say all

that. how ignorant I was of love – of its real meaning and power.

Still, I mention it in hope that some of you will learn from what

my didi said in response.

“Race against time! My foot! What do you want, brother, a time-

pass?”

“Hmm, everyone around is happy doing it. But isn’t it rotten to

have a girl once you are done?”

“I am proud of you, brother. We need more men like you.”

“But didi… sometimes out of frustration… I do feel… what the

heck! Why waste all these years? If time-pass is the only solution,

so be it.”

“What if someone does that with me or Sneha or Palak?”

Well, what could I say to that? the very question had kept me in

check for so long. I ken the answer too well. I would like kill that

boy, better say bastard.

“I’d kill that bastard, didi. Sorry for the profanity.”

“Now, what do you say?”

“Well, didi, I know that and would never fool a nice girl. But these

says you do find girls who want no commitment… they are no less

nowadays.”

“You are incorrigible. I tell you what; call a call-girl if you are

that frustrated.”

I was speechless, again. And shamed. What am I looking

for? I thought. A nice girl who loves me. I knew that I could never

be happy with superficial relations.

“Why are you dumb? Look, I tell you what. You boys want girls for

fun or maybe as a status symbol. It’s like a banner announcing

proudly ‘Come, look, I have a girl. I am a stud.’ You think we are

something to be flaunted. But we are not things,” didi roared,

“You idiot, how can one be happy in a relationship if he is not in

love? Time is not running past. Use your head. Dating is not the

only thing. You don’t meet everyday. You talk on phone too and

most of the time that only. It is a form of intimacy. So if you love

Shreya, enjoy the times you talk to her. Wait for her. But only if

you love her,” she shot like an AK-47 and I could only stare

blankly.

These womenfolk, I tell you, make one think a lot. Men

would be nothing without them. Curious species, indeed! How

they can think that much… all that pretty heavy stuff for us men.

Some great man or, perhaps, woman has wisely said: “Women,

the mysterious,” and I don’t have the audacity too, to find out

what goes inside their head. So I just nodded appreciatively and

said:

“True, didi, true. That means I should forget Gayatri?”

“What about the idea of spending a whole day with her, Tejas?”

That hit me hard. I hadn’t thought about it. I mean a date of on-

two hours was fine, but a day with her! I’d rather sit the whole

day in Prof. Chattopadhyaya’s unbearable ‘Evolution: How Monkey

became Man’ class than hobnob with a girl who names her dog

after her crush. There are limits to insanity.

“Most disturbing, didi. We have nothing in common. It was just

her pretty face I liked.”

“So, I hope to have cleared all your doubts.”

“Yes. Gayatri is out?”

“What about two days with her, alone?”

“Yes, yes, out she is, didi. But Shreya is so far.”

“You have to wait for every good thing in life, child.” Sometimes

they do seem apt, these adages.

“But I don’t even know her feelings for me.”

“Leave that for the moment. First tell me, do you love her or not.”

“Well, didi… All I can say is that I haven’t found a better girl and

she seems perfect for me. I like her very much and I think I love

her too.”

“So, idiot, forget about other girls.”

“And what about… her liking me?”

“Ask her.”

“What!”

“Yes, ask her. There’s no point living in doubt. Ask her if she likes

you or not.”

“What if she says no?”

“She won’t say no outright. She’ll just say she never thought

about you that way.”

“Whatever, but that means no.”

“That doesn’t mean no, brother. That also doesn’t mean she has

never thought about you that way. That just means she is not that

sure about you right now. We’ll deal with that later, it won’t be

that bad. But you have to ask. Show some courage.”

“But didi… she is very pretty and I…”

“You are smart, you idiot.”

“Are you serious, didi? Can she like me, what about these

pimples?”

“All I can say is, if I were the girl, I would never have said no.” Bringing back to the mind, mind my mishap ridden journey

from childhood, I can fairly accurately say that save for an

occasion when, still in half-pants, my molar had gone bad and had

to be removed, courage has never failed me. I confess I have

never been in the vicinity of a lion or within a gunshot, but I ask

you all are these the only tests of pluck? Where my humble life

has tested me, I have stood firm, and that alone brings

gratification.

Yes I tottered when my moment of truth arrived and pleaded with

my didi to change her mind. I grumbled a whole day but, “Be a

man!” didi said in the end and that was that. It is compact

dialogues like these, these pocket bombs, which, when delivered

by army generals to Shaky soldiers, change their fortunes forever.

They march on to battlefront.

As for us, we tip toped to the roof, quietly opening the

creaking doors on the way. The night sky was clear, stars were

twinkling and the air was refreshing. I have already mentioned

numerous times the virtues of pleasant weather. It drives all your

worries away. The scented air worked on me like a bottle of

spirits.

Didi dialed her number and pressed the phone against my

ear. I turned my face away from her. Ring. I started feeling weak

on my knees and that strange sensation in the stomach which one

feels when exam scripts are handed, surfaced.

Shreya picked up. “Hullo,” she said sleepily.

“Hi! Sorry for disturbing you so late. Hope you were not asleep as

yet.” Of course, she was.

“I was!”

“Never mind… I wanted to… talk to you. So I called up,” I said

slowly.

“Alright! What happened that you wanted to talk to me in the

middle of the night?”

“Nothing… was just thinking about us.”

“About us?”

She sounded confused. I was at a loss for words. I couldn’t

think of anything to say. Nothing came to my mind. But, I knew if

I had to tell her what I wanted to, I had to say it right away. It

was unbearable to beat about the bush.

“Shreya, what do you think about me?”

“What sort of a question is that and in the middle of night?” she

asked, obviously stumped. I was so afraid now. I was so nervous.

I was almost certain she’d say, “I don’t like you.” And that would

shatter me. I knew. It was better, not knowing her thoughts

about me than her telling me off straight away. But I made myself

strong.

“I mean, do you like me?”

There was a pause. She didn’t say anything for what seemed

like an eternity. I had shocked her, of course, with such an idiotic

question. We had been great friends and now that would be off

too. It was all ruined. She finally said with carefully chosen

words.

“See, Tejas, I really like you. But as a friend. And you have been a

great one.”

There was silence again. I felt miserable, for I had thought she

liked me. Not just as a friend. I honestly had.

“You too have been great, Shreya! But I thought I’d tell you my

feelings. I really like you. And not just as a friend.”

“But I have never thought of you that way, Tejas.”

So finally the dreaded words that didi had spoken arrived,

verbatim,” I have never thought of you that way.” It irritated me

no end. I wanted to ask her, “Why on earth haven’t you through

of me that way? Am I that bad? I thought we got along really well

and had so many similarities. What more do you want? All you

girls know is how to trick guys.” But I wisely skipped that part.

“So honestly… have you never thought about us being more than

friends?”

“Tejas, I can’t say anything right now. But yes, I have always

thought of you as a good friend.”

I was getting madder. I felt didi’s hand on my shoulder. I

looked into her eyes again. I found comfort. No, I didn’t blame her

for rushing me into this. Good that I cam to know her feelings I

looked at the sky. It was still lovely. The world had not changed. I changed my tone to a more cheery one and asked her, “I hope the

door is not closed for me?”

“See Tejas, let us continue to be friends and see how things move

on.”

“But please keep that door slightly ajar.”

“It is!”

“By the way I have a habit of sneaking in from the windows.

“Good night!”

I hung up. Didi took my hands I hers.

“She didn’t close the door?”

“No, I smiled. One of those pensive ones.

“Don’t you worry, she needs more time. She has to be sure before

she commits. She is a good girl after all.”

“Can we stay here and talk. The weather is not bad!”

“Sure, brother.”