C15 Toxic Memories

Ruan Hanyu’s deep eyes swept across the luxurious wedding room, not missing a single detail. The look in his eyes held a smoldering look filled with darkness and gloom.

His marriage with Mu Qingzhu had lasted for four years. She had only stayed in the Ruan Family Mansion for the duration of a year. For the rest of their marriage, the last three years, she had fled to America where she stayed.

It was during their first year of marriage, Mu Qingzhu had stayed in this room. Other than the night of their wedding, Ruan Hanyu had never stepped foot inside this room.

Memories of his wedding night flashed before his eyes. He had been drunk at that time. He had drunkenly walked into the room, demanding an explanation. Stirrings of hatred and vengeance had embedded themselves in his heart. Scenes of that night awoken more unwanted feelings.

That night had such an effect on him that three years later when Mu Qingzhu appeared before him again, he actually proposed that she spend the night with him again.

The desire overflowing in his heart was hard to contain and he felt blood rush to his head. Feeling lightheaded, he fell onto the soft bed imported from Italy. A hand supported his forehead as chaotic thoughts buzzed around in his mind.

When he raised his head again, he noticed his reflection in the large mirror before him. He saw his handsome face staring back at him in the mirror. His face was a little red and his eyes a little irritated. Loosening the collar to his t-shirt, he noticed covered all over his chest was a sticky and red substance. Astonished by the sight, he touched his chest with a shaking hand. His suspicions were confirmed. It was blood.

To better examine himself, he hurried to take off his clothes. Standing in front of the mirror, he saw that his fair and muscular body was covered in bloody red streaks. The unsightly marks shocked him. Ruan Hanyu recalled the pale and weak face of Mu Qingzhu. Her delicate fingers were not only dripping blood from her wound but intermingled with her own was his blood drawn from the scratches she made as she tried fighting him off. Their struggle had left a mark on his body.

He suddenly felt ridden by guilt. The blood on her palm… He had originally wanted to take her to the hospital to get it bandaged, but somehow, she had stirred feelings of anger and desire in him so much so that he had ended up distracted!

The reminder prompted him to suddenly stand up and rush out of the room.

The low roar of the Hummer’s engine caused Ruan Hanyu’s heart to heavily pound in his chest. Adrenaline charged his body.

Ruan Hanyu started the car and raced down the road. After making several stops at different hospitals, there was no sight of Mu Qingzhu at any of these locations.

The tough shell of the Hummer could be seen roaming the streets and this caught the attention of many passing by.

Damn woman, was she able to get the wound treated? Has she already made her way home?

His mind was heavy with these thoughts. Driven to find Mu Qingzhu, he drove the car aimlessly through all the streets and alleyways of A City, hoping to catch sight of the thin figure. A bitter smile was on his face the entire time. He had no understanding of his desperation.

In the darkness, a deep and a quiet river flowed through the landscape of A City. Towards a dark corner, the branches to a willow tree hung hunched over. A gentle breeze stirred the leaves, bringing with it a slight chill.

Underneath the willow tree, Mu Qingzhu sat there alone with her arms around her knees. Sadness was shrouded on her features. The light seen in her eyes was the essence of dead ashes.

Piled up to her side were a bunch of beer bottles lying next to her feet.

In this far corner, Mu Qingzhu had removed all her disguises so she could finally be herself and quietly lick her wounds.

A few hours had passed since she had shown up at the hospital. A nurse had cleaned her wounds, applied medicine, and even hung an IV with saline water to help restock her body with liquids. The nurse had been busily caring for her the entire time.

When the nurse had examined her, they discovered her wounds were filled with broken glass. More pieces had been crushed into her wound when Ruan Hanyu had added pressure to her hand. The doctor had to drill into her flesh and pick out the broken glass one by one. The procedure was painful and extensive.

It took the doctor three hours to clean the wound. During the entire procedure, she bit down hard on her teeth and did not make a sound.

After the nurse attached her to the saline drip, she peered down at her hands wrapped up in gauze. Even though her wound was already dressed, she did not make a move to go home. She was afraid that if she went home with her bandaged hand, this would cause her mother to grow more worried.

Throughout these past couple of days, her mother’s resilience and patience spoke of a strength she never knew her mother had. After learning about her father’s death, she did not cry or fall into a pitiful state. She only hugged on tightly to her husband’s urn and fell into a deep slumber, sleeping for seven days and seven nights straight. Afterwards, it was like she had gotten it out of her system and made no further mention of her father.

Feeling more despondent than usual, Mu Qingzhu had brought a dozen bottles of beer to the river. She devoured them down one by one.

When she had first arrived at the site, it was already late at night. Now that she was almost done consuming the beer, it was approaching morning. Other than a few stragglers, no one else was around.

Mu Qingzhu had been sitting there for a long time. Time passed by without her knowing it. Her entire body felt numb and unfeeling.

Back when she was still living in A City, whenever bouts of depression would hit her, the river was a familiar spot she would return to again and again to sit and contemplate her life quietly.

She unscrewed another bottle of beer and raised it to her lips.

She usually never drank, but today, she wanted to get drunk!

The pain in her palms could not match the pain in her heart. She wanted to use the alcohol to numb herself from the pain. More than anything, she wanted to feel less.

She quickly gulped down the entire contents of the bottle of beer. Even though the alcohol level was not high, Mu Qingzhu, who rarely drank, began to feel her face flush. Her vision started to blur as she stared dizzyingly around her. Feelings of lightheadedness washed over her.

With a bitter laugh, she raised the beer bottle in her hand and shook it at the river.

Eventually, she became more relaxed. The relief in her heart made her feel much better!

This was nothing!

She forced open another bottle of beer. As white bubbles spurted towards the opening, this seemed to relieve the pressure in her heart. Feeling the toxic feelings inside her being released, she lifted her head for another drink.

She was 25 years old this year, and she felt like she had wasted her youth worrying about how she will look in the eyes of the Ruan family. The entire time she was married to Ruan Hanyu, she had never felt a happy moment. All these years she had spent trying to appear in a favorable light in front of the Ruan family had been squandered away and she could never take them back.

Aside from Ruan Hanyu’s coldness, she also had to bear the endless humiliation and bitterness brought onto her by the Ruan family.

Trying to clear her mind, she shook her head and wiped her face with her hand. She had not noticed she had been crying the entire time.

It was three years, shortly after she married into the Ruan family that she was slapped by her mother-in-law. Even years later, she could still feel the sting of that slap. Ruan Hanyu’s cold face as he watched the entire scene unfold surfaced in her mind’s eye. He appeared so detached from the situation, it was like he was watching a sit-com on TV and not witnessing her abuse.

She had bit back her tears and made no fuss like an obedient daughter-in-law should.

Seeing the way her mother-in-law and Ruan Hanyu treated her, the maids and nannies of the Ruan family followed suit. None of the workers in the Ruan Family Mansion paid her any respect.

Not only that, but Qian Anrou could swagger into the house whenever she wished. In front of Ruan Hanyu’s eyes, she was all smiles and sweet words.

Though Qian Anrou had yet to become the woman beside Ruan Hanyu’s side at that time, she had already captured the heart and attention of her mother-in-law.

Her mother-in-law never saw her in a favorable light. She continued to treat her coldly no matter what.

Mu Qingzhu could not get to the bottom of this. She searched for an answer but could not find out what she was doing wrong. The more she found herself trying, the more it seemed to turn her mother-in-law against her.

She had married Ruan Hanyu because she loved him. But she never thought that the wealthy class would be so terrifying. Things did not turn out the way she expected.

Ruan Hanyu only saw her as a woman who was after his money and his mother only treated her like an enemy. Neither did her father-in-law’s neutrality help sway things in her favor.

An unfortunate incident three years ago caused her father-in-law to faint from anger. Ever since then, he had been hospitalized. His body still occupied a hospital bed and he has not been conscious for years now.

The events eluded her. She really could not explain what was going on!

It was growing harder and harder to endure life at the Ruan Family Mansion.

Her father forbade her to divorce, and Grandma Ruan would not allow it. Unable to no longer face Ruan Hanyu’s threatening gaze, she found she could only escape to America.

She was glad to finally be able to leave that hateful family.

It was only Grandma who was on her side. Although her vision was blurry, her eyes were filled with wisdom and understanding that could see through a person.

Unlike the other Ruan family members, she liked Mu Qingzhu.

Under her “Imperial Decree,” Ruan Hanyu had no choice but to obey and marry her.

Upon her marriage with Ruan Hanyu, Mu Qingzhu was warmly received by Grandma. Grandma took care to treat her well and doted on her. As Grandma’s favorite grandchild, this caused Ruan Hanyu to develop more feelings of dislike towards her.

Her husband never returned to her bed. Many nights were spent alone in her room. The look he gave her was always as cold as ice.

During those difficult days, only the idea of car models kept her preoccupied.

Her heart was in turmoil. Thoughts of Grandma brought a trace of warmth to flow through her heart and her face gradually cleared up.

It’s been three years. She wondered if she was still in good health.

After a few bottles of beer, her head felt swollen and waves of nausea rocked her body.

At the entrance of Xinyang Residence, Ruan Hanyu stopped the Hummer.

Feelings of guilt swept over him and this prevented him from getting out of the car.

During all his years as the son-in-law of the Mu family, he had once never paid them a visit, nor did he ever fulfill his duties as a husband.

Shame forced him to stay in the car. He did not dare hastily walk through the door, afraid he would meet Mu Jinci’s reproachful eyes and Wu Xiuping’s accusing face.

He could not bring it upon himself to face them.

The sound of the car engine starting interrupted him from his thoughts and he drove away.