C11 Hate Love

Daisy and Killian stayed quiet while traveling in the carriage. Daisy felt embarrassed about the family environment that Killian just witnessed. Killian de Essel's family was wealthy, but his family didn't get along. Daisy's family didn't have much money, but there were conflicts within her poor family as well. The carriage didn't have to travel far to reach downtown. When Daisy got off the carriage, she saw a building with twinkling lights. Even though it was early evening, magic lanterns were hung all around the building. The old building was charming, with ivy wrapped around its exterior.

'It's Restaurant Porta. I've heard it's extremely difficult to get a table here.

Daisy was surprised that Killian was able to get a reservation at Porta. If she had called to make a reservation, she would've had to wait at least a month to get a table at a popular fine dining place like this.

From what she'd heard, there was a cabaret under the restaurant, and the ground-floor salon was a space for single men and women to check each other out. Naturally, everything was very expensive, so it wasn't a place the Philbern family could afford.

The manager was waiting in front of the restaurant to host them. He recognized Killian right away.

"Welcome. Congratulations on your engagement. You're just as beautiful as I've heard," with a soft smile, the restaurant manager complimented Daisy as he greeted her. Grinning a little, she followed the manager to the third floor. The lower levels were quite noisy, but the third floor was very quiet.

"It's quiet here."

"Yes, as the marquis requested, we cleared this floor for you. He wished to have a quiet dinner. We'll bring your dinner out shortly."

They were seated at the best table inside a big hall. Even though they were the only customers, fresh roses were placed on every table. It was the first time Daisy's been to a place like this with a man.

"Um... reserving the whole floor must have been expensive. I don't mind eating in a crowded place."

This wasn't true, but Daisy worried that Killian was spending too much money. She would rather not have him overspend, even if she had to be in a noisy environment.

"I like the quiet. And it's not much."

"...Really? That's surprising."

"Doesn't cost anything, since I own this restaurant."

"Oh... is that so?"

Daisy realized why the entire third floor was vacant during the golden hour of business. It was possible because Killian was the owner.

Killian's casino alone must be bringing in huge amounts of money. If her father owed ten thousand gold coins there, the wealthier nobles... the amount of money they would be spending would be on a much larger scale. And this fancy restaurant. Daisy already knew that Killian was rich. She had even heard rumors that Killian was the richest man in the capital.

Killian asked quietly as he drank the aperitif.

"Is your family always that entertaining?"

"Ubt-"

Daisy nearly choked and spat out the aperitif she was drinking. Daisy wiped her lips with a napkin.

"Not always."

"It's more entertaining than pulp fiction. Your father caused a couple of scenes in our casino, and your sister..."

Simply put, he was insinuating that her family was the worst. Daisy felt a little uneasy. Had he changed his mind because her family was like that? To be honest, she was hesitant at first, but the contract marriage was a good deal for her. If he were to change his mind, Daisy would be disappointed. A partner with troublesome family members would not make a good contract marriage partner.

"As long as my father's problem is resolved, things will be fine. Rose isn't that bad. It's just that, things are not good for her right now. Rose is beautiful and has high expectations, but she's not inn ideal environment."

"Do you love your sister?"

"No, I wouldn't say that."

Daisy said bluntly. Daisy knew what Rose would do to her in the future. Rose would abandon her when Daisy needed help. Daisy wasn't going to punish her for that, but she was under no obligation to love Rose. Likewise, it wasn't her responsibility to help Rose.

"Rose is not going to affect our arrangement. I promise. You don't have to support the whole family just because we're married. Our deal is only for about three years."

"I know, I was just curious what you think of your sister."

"Why?"

"I get angry just thinking about my half-brothers. To be honest, I wouldn't have been surprised if you slapped your sister. If it were me, I would've done that to my half-brothers."

It wasn't something to laugh at. Daisy smiled awkwardly. Killian de Essel's family history was widely known. Killian had a father who killed his mother and had two sons by his second wife with whom he was madly in love. It was understandable that Killian didn't have the best relationship with his half-brothers.

"You don't get along with your half-brothers, I heard."

"One day, I'm going to cut their heads off and hang them on the street. Even that would be a generous act since they're wasting air by breathing."

Daisy smiled bitterly. Daisy's seen the future. She knew he really was going to slaughter his brothers.

"But it would be better to take care of business discreetly. Or even let them live."

"Why?"

"Because it would be revenge enough for them to see you become a duke and prosper. Nothing makes one angrier than to see their enemy doing well. It's not a bad idea to let them live their whole life in defeat."

Daisy took a sip of her aperitif and looked at Killian. Killian lightly rubbed his thumb and index finger and nodded slightly.

"Let me ask you something."

"Okay."

"How did you find out the contents of the will?"

"I said it was a trade secret."

"When are you going to reveal the secret?"

It suddenly dawned on Daisy that if Killian had decided to marry her... it must be because he thought Daisy could predict the future. He could wrongly assume that she had such an ability and it would make things difficult. What Daisy knew was limited to just a few things. Daisy put down her drink.

"I can't tell you how I know that, and also, I am not a prophet. I just discovered a few things by chance, so don't ask me to predict the future, as that would be impossible. But please believe me regarding the content of the will as that is true."

"I told you already that I believe you."

"Right"

"My grandfather, Duke Silvesten, told me directly. He told me not to even dream of getting an inheritance or anything else unless I plan to marry. He's even told me that if I ever find a woman who's willing to accept a bastard like me, I should marry her right away."

"What?"

Daisy was stunned. It was as if the duke had announced the contents of the will in advance. Even knowing that, Killian persisted in not getting married? At that moment, a city square that had turned into a sea of blood a few years later flashed in Daisy's mind. Both Killian and his grandfather seemed to possess unusual temperament and stubbornness. Daisy shook her head inwardly.

"And, not long after he told me that, the duke made his will."

"So, the duke really wants you to marry. There are many women who would accept you. The problem is that you hate women."

"A lot of people misunderstand, but I don't hate women. On the contrary, I hate men in love."

"What?"

Stunned by what he said, Daisy blinked.

"What I don't like is men and women acting irrationally when in love."

"Why?"

"I'm afraid that when I fall in love with a woman, I may turn into my father. That madman ruined my mother's life for his so-called love. He killed my mother because he fell in love with the woman he was having an affair with. I don't want to make the same mistake as him. What I've learned about love between a man and a woman from my parents is disgusting."

"And look at the history of the Silvesten family. If one really looked, there would be more ancestors who died from madness of passion than people know about. Each person has a role that suits them. I am gifted with the ability to run businesses and to rule as a duke, but not skilled in love. That's why I don't pursue it." Killian said slowly in a low voice. It had its own logic. Daisy found herself nodding to it as if hypnotized.

"I don't like complicated feelings, either... I don't want to spend my life on uncertain emotions."

Killian looked at Daisy with a faint smile, a look that resembled something like satisfaction.

"I like that you are my fiancée."

"Because I seem like a useful collaborator?"

"Yes, you'd make a great partner. You'd do well in your role of marchioness and duchess. Plus-"

"Yes?"

"I think you do well even after the divorce in three years. Even now, it seems you're counting the days. It's hard to find someone like that."

"I guess you're right."

Daisy smiled softly. The fact that she seemed like a person who'd divorce him without any problems once the three years were up was probably what Killian liked most about her.

Even though the empire started allowing consensual divorces some time ago, a divorced woman and a widow were treated differently. A widow was socially accepted and could freely have a relationship, but people still pointed fingers at a divorced woman, especially a poor divorcée.

But Daisy already knew how things were in this world. The life of a powerful, wealthy divorcée was far better than the life of a poor, abused married woman. People may point fingers at a wealthy, glamorous divorcée behind her back, but she wasn't someone they could ignore. The fate of an old unmarried noblewoman wasn't much better. In this era, it wasn't easy for an aristocratic woman without a husband to live on her own. She often had to live with her siblings or family members who were willing to support her.

Whether it was a divorced woman or an old unmarried noblewoman, she had to have a lot of money to live well. Otherwise, they needed to have a job, and not just any job, but a very professional job. Daisy was going to get both.

The three-year marriage to Killian would provide her with a firm foundation. It would be a stepping stone to her future.

They were in a mutually beneficial relationship. The world called this type of relationship as being partners or collaborators.

"Or since you're attractive, you probably will find another suitor soon after the divorce."

"Thank you for saying that. I'll do my best for the next three years for my future. Of course, since we have to get a divorce after you become the duke, it may take longer than three years... but don't hate me too much if that happens."

"Of course not. If that happens, I will not forget your contribution working overtime."

Daisy decided to think of this man as a business partner. She could consider him a partner, a co-worker, or more loosely even a sponsor. As much as possible, she wanted the relationship to be in good terms, but in a business sense. Daisy was still afraid of Killian, but once they got used to each other a little more, some intimate feelings could develop, like camaraderie, and that would be okay as long as it ended there. She must not develop feelings for him as a man.

"Is there anything you would like to discuss regarding the wedding prep in advance?"

"No."

"I've been told that women have a lot to worry about before the wedding. Any concerns?"

He spoke in a business tone as if he was discussing the welfare benefits with one of his employees. He was a meticulous businessman. It was likely that he regarded his marriage to Daisy as 'work' he needed to do to inherit the duke's title. As long as she remained within the scope of his 'work,' he was going to pay meticulous attention to everything concerning her.

Daisy was about to say no, but then he saw his bright blue eyes. Daisy was startled. Those eyes were eyes one couldn't lie to.

"Well..."

"Tell me if you have any concerns. I know that your family is not the kind that makes wedding prep easy..."

"It's not about that. The thing is... I'm worried about having sexual relations with you after marriage."

"Are you afraid of me?"

Daisy shook her head slightly. How should she put it? Is she frigid or that she may not be attracted to men? It wasn't that Daisy was attracted to women or had any bizarre fetish, but she had been so turned off by Allen. Would she ever be able to have sex with a man again? Would she be able to share a bed with another man after having such a terrible sexual relationship with Allen?

'And when I sleep with Killian...'

Even if she were to assume that sex with Killian went well, after having sex with him, would it be possible for her not to get attached to a man again? She dedicated her life after having spent a semi-forced night with Allen, whom she wasn't even in love with. What if she can't remain detached after she sleeps with Killian?

"Well, no, but you know, having sex... it could get awkward. I'm not sure if... I could get into it naturally. I don't get excited by a man much, and I know that you're not the type who's into it much. What happens between a man and woman between the sheets... if two people are not compatible, I've heard that it could be a pretty horrible experience."

Daisy told him in a roundabout way. It was a kind of a hint, a hint that sex with her might not be good. There was a chance that Killian wouldn't be thrilled with her. Killian was a fairly stoic man. Daisy was not an exceptionally seductive woman. Wasn't it usually a sexy woman who knew what to do in bed who could seduce stoic men?

'If... it doesn't go well...'

Daisy also knew how awkward things could get between a man and a woman after really bad sex. That's why Daisy told Killian that he could have a mistress. She didn't like infidelity, either, but that seemed better than being resented for not being able to satisfy a man. She had been traumatized.

For a moment, Killian didn't answer as if thinking about what she said. He tilted the glass in his hand and took a sip, and then he put the drink down and asked her in a low voice,

"Would you like a test run?"