C2 S02:True Colors

*Warning: Contains Intrusive Thoughts*

I took a deep breath before knocking on the door, opening it slightly. Peeked with one eye, just enough to see what was inside the room. Seeing as it's dark inside, I couldn't make out anything when the door was wide open, revealing the figure of Director Braydon standing beside his desk.

The room seems dark and stuffy and smells like smoke and perfume. There are scripts on top of Director Braydon's desk, scattered around like it hasn't been moved. There are also some extra scripts around the table.

The director notices my presence and beckons me into the room.

I stepped through the room, closing the door behind myself.

"Hello, Director."

I greeted him while looking around the room.

"Sit."

He gestured to the empty seat for me.

I sat down while observing him closely.

His eyes are full of tiredness, as it seems like he hasn't gotten any sleep last night but that doesn't surprise me at all. This man has been working since before sunrise and probably hasn't had any sleep after that.

"What's troubling you?"

His voice was soft, almost sounding like he didn't want to ask me about this.

"I don't know..."

I answered after looking back at him for a few moments.

"I think I should just be working harder on my performance, it's the most important thing now. I apologize if I made you worried."

It was just the truth. There are actors who are more talented than me, but they never give their all like me and they always seem to be better than me.

It's not fair.

Sometimes, when people talk to me about how I'm going to act or what kind of expression I look like, I don't hear them say anything about how great I am. They always just tell me that they want me to keep practicing more and improve my performance.

"This isn't about whether you're making me worried or not. This is all about your reputation as one of the cast members and my employee. I can't look away from this matter because I'm afraid that you will ruin my stage due to your poor acting skill. If our efforts turn into a failure because of your mistakes, you will need to pay all the budgets. You think you have money to compensate for everything I've prepared?"

He narrows his eyes. Showing how important this matter is.

"I understand, I will be more careful next time..."

I nod and bow slightly.

I knew exactly what was being said and I knew exactly what would happen if I did wrong. That's why I didn't show how hard I tried to improve my skills. Not in front of them.

"…I'm sorry, sir."

Apologized, apologized, and apologized. Those words never came from my heart but it's certainly easy to convey such a lie.

I bow deeply again while the director's expression changed from a serious face to a smile of contentment, probably because he didn't expect anything other than sorry or apology.

"I'm sure, you already know how you effortlessly got in here despite not supposed to pass the audition. You should thank Emily. If it weren't for her, you'd never get any role. You're even lucky to get one. She has done so much for you, and this is how you pay her back?"

I clenched my fists.

Whenever I made mistakes, he had been using the same conversation every single day since then. He thought I wouldn't know, he purposely doing that in order to make me feel guilty. He wants me to keep reminding myself that I don't belong here. Not from the very beginning.

I could hear the blood rushing in my ears, but I managed to answer the director with my best attempt at a poker face.

"Thank you for your concern, sir. I assure you I will do my best to improve on my performances before it's too late."

I waited for a response, but none came until he looked at me again.

He smirked at me, as if satisfied with what he did. It was like he wanted me to feel more ashamed, to give up the struggle.

"Yes, you better give your all for your final performance."

I frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you are not getting a place with Emily, are you? I am glad to see you realize this before the day you're getting fired."

"Sir-"

"If Emily is so important to you, you should find yourself another job."

He looked away from me.

"Other than being a part time model. You're not good enough, Safiyya. You're not even cut out to become an actor because you are lacking or rather useless in everything."

The words hit me like a slap in the face.

There's no point in arguing. I knew there was nothing I could say anymore. He will keep talking till I agree to leave because I'm no longer useful to him.

'Forget about him. I should think of Emily first.'

No matter what happens tonight, Emily is still going to work hard to help me achieve my dream of acting. She has been helping me through everything and now she will continue doing what she loves.

I want to be like her, but... I'll never be.

That's why I tried so hard. Because she deserves so much more. After all, she's the person who gave me hope in the first place.

"Before that, there's something I want to ask. Did Emily tell you that she's changing her script?"

I promptly changed the subject.

"What are you even talking about?"

His hand reached one script book at the top of the table before handing it to me. I checked the script.

On the third page, my eyes are moving at the unfamiliar sentences. My chest starts tightening before I look back at him.

"Is this...the new script?"

Director Braydon frowned.

"You never received the new script before? Emily was supposed to be handing it out to everyone two weeks ago."

I could only shake my head, at a loss for words.

'All this time, I've been re-enacting the wrong script?'

"I guess she forgot to give it to you. No need to panic. I know you can pull it although it doesn't give me high hopes. Tomorrow is your day off. You still have time to practice. I'll come again for the next rehearsal to watch your acting. Do your best if you don't want to get fired early."

"But..."

I couldn't continue my sentences.

'What should I do tomorrow? How am I going to be ready for the performance with these new lines I'm reading? Should I tell Emily? No, I shouldn't.'

My grips almost crumpled the new script.

"Yes, Director."

"It's already late. Go home now."

I slowly stood up and walked to the door. My hand reaching for the door handle stopped when Emily's words echoed in my head.

'You hide yourself because you aren't confident enough.'

"…"

I turned back, walking towards Director Braydon. A soft smile appeared on my face.

"Director. Before leaving…I have another question for you."

Suddenly Director Braydon gasped for air. His eyes bulged as those fragile hands choking on his neck made him suffocate to breathe.

He looked up into those cold eyes under her bangs. He tried to push her, but his arms and legs couldn't move. He felt like there's a stone weight inside of him.

His heart started thumping faster. He wanted to scream and shout, but nothing would escape his throat. The feeling of suffocation and the fear slowly filling up his body make him lose all strength.

I tighten the grips until my fingernails dig into his skin.

"Between me getting fired and you gagging like a fish gasping for water, who do you think is going to end first?"

My tone was calm as always, yet there's a tinge of threatening in the last sentence, making it seem dangerous, like a snake ready to strike.

"Safiyya!"

I blinked, looking at his face, then looking at my hands around his neck without squeezing it.

"Did you just space out in front of me? I asked again. What are you doing? Take your hands off. Now."

I did as I was told.

"Sorry. I think I saw dust."

I pretended to brush his tie.

"I'll take my leave now. Goodnight, Director."

I bowed and left.

After closing the door, I leaned on it with my back. Remembering back the fake scenario I imagined before, making me feel nauseous.

I covered my mouth, just realized my hand was shaking horribly.

'It's been a while since I felt this much emotion because of that thing.'

I give a long sigh and walk past another room, with the door cracked. I could hear a chattering sound coming from that room.

"Right! Why did the director even hire her as a part of a stage actor? She couldn't act! She can't even do anything at all!"

One of the crew members applied her lipstick.

"I heard Emily's cousin told the director to accept her and give her a role."

Another voice replied.

I'm familiar with that voice. Elena, the rookie staff who's in charge of make-up and styling me.

"Were they that close?"

"I'm not sure about the cousin, but I can see that Safiyya's really close with Emily."

"Ha! Let me tell you, Elena. Connections can get you everything, despite bad acting and always wasting other people's time. Honestly, she always got me browned-off. Even looking at her bangs, it creeped me out. I hope that Safiyya girl just disappeared out of thin air."

"Hey, aren't you a bit too far? And keep your voice down. She might hear you."

"Well, who cares if she heard me. I don't care if she'll report me. I'm just stating the truth-"

Both went shut when hearing a banging sound. They turned in that direction, seeing me leaning on the door.

I blinked once and both disappeared from my sight.

"Urkk…"

My eyes went down, seeing the staff grabbing her own neck while kneeling on the floor. She tried to puke out something that was stuck to her throat. I could see the object inside her mouth. The lipstick she used earlier.

"What…"

Suddenly my arms got grabbed by someone and I glanced to my side.

'Elena?'

I was stunned as she trembled with tears and blood covering her face.

"I apologize for what she said before. I know we're wrong but please, don't kill us!"

"Safiyya, what's wrong?"

Elena's voice brought me back to reality.

"I just want to say good night. Get home safely."

They glanced at each other.

"Err... yeah."

After bowing to them, I went outside the theater building. I lifted my chin, looking at the pitch-black sky. There are no stars nor moon tonight. Just darkness and silence like usual.

I touched my forehead.

I know this is not normal, but that messed up imagination always occurs whenever I feel irritated with those kinds of people. But compared to the past, this is nothing.

I let out a heavy sigh.

Everyone didn't know I've been 'acting' all along. The pessimistic and weak girl, who is always useless in everything. The one who doesn't dare to show her true colors only to prevent anyone from knowing how sick she truly is underneath.