C9 S09:A Vile Past

*Warning: Contains Gore & Bloody Scene*

From the moment I was born, mama was set to teach me to become her perfect daughter. That day came soon enough after I learned how to talk. I don't remember much from that day except being happy and content.

My first words were "mama" which is what she had been wanting to hear since birth. And my second word is "papa". I never forgot those words. They are engraved into my heart.

As the years passed and my age grew, mama's worries began to surface. It's all because of the whispers around apartment of how the five-year-old little girl being called as 'weird kid', 'crazy' and 'murderer'. That day will forever be a source of fear for mama because she couldn't believe her daughter would grow up to be that kind of person and so, she tried to seek the truth behind it all.

The door to my room opened and the sound of footsteps running made my attention shifted from my sketchbook to the new visitor. Suddenly mama pulled me.

"It's not true, right? My daughter will never do such a thing. My Safiyya is a good girl. You're a good girl aren't you, Safiyya? Yes...Yes..."

Mama whispered quietly in my ear. She was about to stroke my head when her eyes caught the drawings on my sketchbook.

The sketch of a sparrow and a black cat laying side by side with red colors filled the paper. The color red looked like blood to mama who was used to seeing a lot of the red in her life.

"Safiyya, who did this?"

Mama asked sternly.

Her eyes were now focused on the drawing, showing no signs of mercy. She grabbed the book and ripped off the sketches.

My eyes widened, watching my drawings fly away like snowflakes in the wind.

She threw the sketchbook against the wall, creating loud clattering noises then looking at me with a murderous look on her face.

"Have you gone crazy?! What have you done?!"

She screamed.

I was so confused why everyone keeps calling me that. I didn't do anything to them yet other children constantly attacked me and tried to make me feel miserable whenever I went outside. They were like a bunch of bullies who only bully weak ones. I only drew that picture, nothing else happened.

"No! Don't you ever draw those things again! If you did it again, I... I'm going to kill myself and you will never going to see your little sister again. Do you understand me!?"

The last part was mama's last scream before she left me alone in my room.

Seeing her acting like that is not the first time for me. She'd always freak out, threatening to kill herself if I ever did bad things. She's totally obsessed with the idea of having a docile and obedient daughter.

The following weeks went slowly. My drawing stopped appearing on the papers. All thanks to a certain someone.

This was all started because of curiosity. Being the curious girl that I've never been satisfied with until I knew about the other world. And my curiosity was focused on a sparrow that almost got eaten by a black cat on the playground.

At first, I only watched it without doing anything and decided to leave. In my thoughts, the sparrow is already dead, and the cat needs to satisfy its hunger.

In a moment, I paused before walking into the cat's direction. I grabbed its neck, lifted its head up and took the sparrow from its mouth. I pulled up the cat's body, still grabbing it in the same place, bringing it somewhere. However, the cat struggled and scratched me when I was holding it by the throat.

I hissed and let it go. Checking at the wounds on my arms, I glared at the cat as it was running away.

"I brought you here because someone is already preparing the food for street cats. You are so ungrateful, kitty. Mama doesn't like that."

I looked back at the sparrow. It's still breathing - for now.

"We need to see a doctor."

~ ~ ~ ~

"I really don't know how to treat animals."

The lady in a white coat shows a guilty grin.

I looked up at her.

"Aren't you a doctor?"

"Yes, I am or rather, I'm a pharmacist. I can only give medicine to humans. You should bring it to the vet."

"What is a vet?"

I stared at her with curious looks.

"Err..."

She scratched her forehead.

"Okay, let me check it a bit."

She began checking the sparrow's condition, holding it carefully with her fingers wearing white gloves. While waiting for her, I overheard the conversation between the two women, sitting in the waiting room.

"What a rude child. He didn't give up his seat for that poor grandpa. He even told the old man to ask other passengers for a seat."

"Did anyone give up their seat?"

"No one did. That's why I volunteered myself since I had already arrived at my stop. The boy also stopped in the same station. When he was about to cross the street, a motorcycle crashed into him causing the boy to fall flat on his face and break his nose."

"Oh my! That must be his karma for hurting grandpa's heart. He deserves it."

"Hmm, looks like it breaks its neck."

Suddenly the pharmacist spoke.

I turned back to her.

"Does breaking its neck make it dead?"

The pharmacist stared at me in disbelief, before answering, "Yes."

She paused, trying to figure out how to phrase what she was going to tell me.

"Out of all the body parts, its neck is the fragile one. If it breaks its neck, it will die immediately."

I looked at the sparrow then back at her, staring right on her bare neck.

"Then, if you break your neck, you will die?"

That question sends a shiver down her spine. Her voice was shaking.

"You... are very young. I have no intention of teaching you something so serious."

She took a step back. It's like she didn't even know why she was talking about such things. Automatically, she caressed her own neck.

"H...Here is a vet website. You can send money there and ask them for an appointment."

She showed her phone to me.

"So please just leave. Go back home to your parents, and we'll not talk about anything related to this kind of topic anymore. Understand?"

I was quiet for a few minutes before I started nodding.

"Okay. I understand. Thank you, doctor."

She smiled slightly.

As I reached the door, I heard her whisper something to herself, but I didn't pay attention to it. I opened the doors and stepped outside.

Looks like what the pharmacist told me was true. Not long after I left the store, the sparrow had already died in my hand.

I went back to the playground earlier and buried it inside the flowerbed using bare hands. After washing my hands, I go back to my apartment which takes a few minutes' walk.

On my way home, the crowds filling the side of the road caught my attention. People were shouting 'It's dead'. It looks like some animals died. Curiosity killed me, so I went into that crowd and looked at the animal corpse. I covered my mouth when I saw a black cat laying on the ground, covered in blood.

"Please let me through!"

The pharmacist I met earlier, shouted.

The people in front moved slightly to let the woman pass.

"Oh my God!"

The crowd behind chattering.

"Someone calls an ambulance!"

She shouted again, wrapping the cat with a towel she brought.

"It got hit by a car. Can someone prepare a box or anything we can lift it up."

The crowd nodded.

She realized many kids were watching from afar. She tried to cover the blood stains by wiping the cat's face but to no avail, there's too much blood.

As her eyes landed on me, she froze. She couldn't believe what she just saw. However, she's not the only one. The crowds also saw it, whispering among themselves.

"That girl. She's grinning."

"She seems happy seeing a dead cat."

"What a weird kid. She doesn't look like a normal human being."

"I think she's crazy."

"Who knows? She might be a murderer."

Most kids would be scared and cry if they saw something horrible. To them, it's abnormal for a small child to smile at the sight of a dying animal. She's too young to have done something horrible like that.

Unlike what they thought, the reason behind my grin was not because I enjoyed seeing the cat die. Instead, I felt funny after remembering the conversation from the women before.

'So, this is what they call karma. This cat had hurt me and killed the sparrow. It deserved everything it got.'

After that day, every resident living in the apartment avoided room 67 ever since they heard the rumors.

'If the daughter is messed up, then her parents must be insane.'

Because of that incident, I can no longer see mama. No matter how hard I tried I never made myself worthy of mama's love or trust.

Not long after that, mama gave birth to a baby girl. I was so excited to see my new sister, but mama forbid me from seeing her.

I looked at papa.

He didn't say anything despite knowing everything. I know he thinks that his family have gone insane. I can tell by the way his eyes soften when he sees me.

He persuaded me to not get close to mama for a while because mama needs some rest. I obeyed him like a good daughter. I'll make sure that I won't be another burden to him and mama. For a couple days, everything was fine. To reassure me, papa told me everything about my baby sister. Her name is Ariel Hamarsya. What a pretty name. I really want to meet my little sister.

I keep waiting for the day where I can meet her, not realizing three years have passed by. Then one day, papa told me one surprising news. The whole time, I've been preparing myself in my head and now I'm gonna have a new sibling again.

It was really shocking to me but with a little bit of disappointment. I didn't understand why, but I felt empty somehow. Maybe it's the fact that I don't get to meet my siblings and maybe I'm still thinking too much of what happened to them. I shouldn't even bother myself with these kinds of things. They already have mama to take care of them while papa is the one who takes care of me.

He's always busy with work but he'd never forget to feed me with his money. Since mama is still cold with me, I spend most of my time with papa every weekend. He always brought me to a nearby forest, teaching me about his favorite hobby which is hunting animals. He said it's one way for him to release his stress from work.

I don't want papa to abandon me like mama, so I did as he said. At such an early age, I already knew how to use guns and learned other things from him. Of course, he made sure I can hunt wild animals with my own ability so it's not a problem. However, as calm as he appears, papa has an anger brewing inside. He's been trying to suppress until finally, it explodes out of him in one big burst of frustration.

What I remembered is when I arrived home earlier from school due to the rainstorm, I heard a crashing sound in my parents' bedroom. When I went inside, the lightning flash was bright enough for me to see my mother lying on the floor, gasping for breath while holding her big belly. The blood from her palm smeared on her white gown.

My eyes went focusing on papa when he turned around. What attracts me more is the knife in his right hand.

Papa approached and sat down on one knee, eye level with mine. Secretly, putting down the knife from my sight. The dark circle under his eyes was obvious because he hasn't slept for days but his gaze softened.

"Safiyya, you're already home? I didn't hear you ringing the bell."

He spoke calmly.

"I already memorized the passcode you told me."

I told the truth without changing my tone.

"Really? What a good girl. Go take a shower and keep yourself warm. I will tell your mama to make a nice dinner for you."

His left hand cleaned from blood, brushing my head.

"What happened to mama?"

"Papa only gives a small punishment, no need to worry."

He sighed before pulling my body in his arms.

"Your mama was so selfish. She made a short-witted decision just to run from you. From both of us."

"What did mama do?"

"This time, she wants to kill your siblings."

I froze, staring at mama who's still on the floor.

This thing has already happened when she's still bearing Ariel and I'm the one who saw everything. Deliberately letting a little child see her own mother attempted suicide was such a brutal move.

Hitting her head on the table a few times, pills scattering on the floor, drowning in the full bathtub, hanging her body on the living room, strangling her own neck until it left marks and even tried to burn our home by leaving the stove on.

The only difference this time is she didn't do it alone. Maybe that's why papa beat her up. Mama has gone too far with her protectiveness, or rather her obsessiveness for her children.

Blood, scars, weapons. I've become immune to these things and the consequences I got, was visualizing other people as herself. I fantasized the fake scenario in my mind, being delusional on doing similar things to them like what has been done by mama.

Papa quickly turned on his back when seeing his wife getting on her feet, stepping closer to her with rage before pulling her hair.

Mama let out a howl of pain.

"You and your daughter are the same! Both of you are monsters! I need to save my babies from the devils like you! Let me go!"

"YOU B**CH!"

He screamed in anger after hitting his wife's face. I watched them as they continued fighting.

Somehow, what he did to mama, weirdly enough, satisfies me. The voices in my head prompted me to think that she deserves it for everything she has done. I don't know why but I just feel as if this will be my revenge on mama. She needs to pay for her own karma. Sometimes, all these emotions, these thoughts, these feelings trigger me to imitate papa. That I need to hurt someone to feel better.

He then pushed mama to the ground, and she landed right in front of me.

She gasped before lifting her head. Her whole body was shaking in fear, especially when seeing those eyes again.

The look of insanity...the look of her own child.

"Why are you doing this, ma? Do you really hate me that much?"

I asked her in a low voice.

Her breathing quickens at those words. No more tears came down her pale face, her eyes were fixed in me. She shook her head slowly before whispering quietly.

"I need to take my children away from a monster like you."

I tilted my head in confusion for a few moments until understanding hit me.

"Then, what are you going to do to them when they grow up? Are you going to brainwash them too? Become a goody-two-shoes that you obsessed so much? Like what you did to me in the past?"

A dark laugh escaped my lips as I stared at her wide-eyed expression.

"You! I shouldn't have given birth to you!"

Tears rolled down her face once more.

"No, you're wrong. To begin with, it was never my fault for being born. The only mistake is you shouldn't be the one who nurtured me if you know you're going to fail as a mother. Aren't you supposed to be proud, ma? Both of you exist within me, the daughter you loathe so much. I'm the curse both of you created."

I spoke slowly with a calm and strong voice.

"Let me remind you. You said I'm a monster, but losing your mind by trying to kill yourself and my siblings, doesn't that make you one?"

My eyes went down on her belly.

"I'm done with your obsessiveness. Now, I'm going to get back what belongs to mine."

Mama frowned slightly looking down on her stomach. Her hands trembled while her head hangs low.

"How dare you! I'm the one who gave birth to them and-"

"I'll be the one who raised them."

I got up closer to her face, my eyes turning cold.

Mama looks shocked and disgusted by my words. She didn't expect me to be that much of a monster…or perhaps she did?

"That's right."

I smirked as I looked at her.

"They don't need a mother or a father. Just an older sibling."