C11 BLEEDING HEART (2)

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"What is this feeling?, It's new, it's strange, and I don't want it, I want to fucking prevent this, but what if my opinion is meaningless.

It's the game of my heart, and all I can do is watch..."

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KILLIAN'S P.O.V

…

I watch her eyes glimmer with tears, I saw her cheeks and ears redden, I watch her turn around and walk away completely ruined, but still my body remained still, and my lips refused to speak, and call her back, cause why should I?

All this time as Daniella kept on rubbishing her, I kept on telling myself that why should I care?, why should I stop her?, why should I fucking interfere?, when indeed she was truly the one that cause me harm, and I did do all my mind kept on telling me, cause it was logical, cause it was the right thing to do, cause Daniella is my girlfriend, and one that I plan to marry when all this shitty things blows over.

Well, I had thought that that was what I have ever wanted: a precise straightforward life, but everything, ever single absolutely fucking shitty thing all changed as soon as she walked out of that door, cause as soon as she was finally gone, I felt like I was haunted, haunted by this strange feeling of guilt that started to poison me, and make me completely weak, and...powerless

As soon as she walked out of the door, I felt the urge to chase after her, and bring her back, and I literally stood up and actually almost did, but as soon as I drew closer to the door, she, Daniella stops me by holding my hand, and pulling me slightly back. Pulling me back, I turn around and look at her confused speechless face, and come a little back to my senses, but still this little wasn't enough to make the urge to run after that maid, Catherine and to run right now, stop.

"What the fuck is wrong with me?"

"You, you... you are never like this, so what on earth do you think that you were trying to do?, WHAT THE FUCK!!!"

"Killian..."

All my life I have never for once battled with my inner sub conscious, rather anything I did, I was always logical, precise, and straightforward, even if it meant to be cold, and there was never truly anything that was meant battling for, but here I was breaking everything that I thought I would never do, here I was becoming a madman as soon as she walks away, even though few weeks ago, I would have joined Daniella in laughing and breaking her down, so why was this happening to me?

"Killian...."

That was the question that kept on orbiting around my head, and that was the one question that kept on making me absolutely pissed off cause I knew no answer to, nor did I knew of a freaking way to stop it.

"KILLIAN, WHAT THE FUCK!" Yelling on top of her voice when she realized I had not being listening to her, she held unto my arm, and brought me back to reality, but not out of the madness that was happening inside my head, so it made me part my lips, and yelled back at her instead.

"What do you want from me!" Pissed off with everything that was literally happening, I yelled back without giving a fuck of how she takes my reaction, cause all I needed right now was to think, and clear my head, but still she didn't get that part either, instead she didn't stop her rant that I didn't wanted to hear

"I don't care what's wrong with you, but you have to answer me..." Not wanting to quit her chatter, she said to me, before pausing her sentence to catch her breathe, and to make sure that I was listening, and that she wasn't wasting her "Precious" breathe again

"Tell me, why did you let her touch you?"

"Why on earth didn't you fucking push that rotten girl away from you" Resuming her inspection, she yelled, and looked at me intensely in the eyes, searching for an answer that I didn't even have, an answer that for the first time, I couldn't be able to provide, so my lips remained shut, but her next reply was enough to make me speak again

"Have you literally fallen for her!" She yelled out, when she saw that I was silent.

"And what made you dare say that"

Watching her yell at me, and tired of having to put up with this shit any longer, I replied back curtly, matching the same arrogant tone that she used, before looking back at her face with a frown on my lips, and a burning angry expression that I knew too well she understood, cause in the end, no one ever likes my anger, and no one would like to see me trash things around without caring if I was been called an animal or not, so with the expression visible on my face for her to see and finally shut up, I scoffed out frustratedly, before parting my lips at last after minutes of silence

"You are being a pest here, and I need to work..." Looking at her in her bright blue shaking eyes, I replied sharply, before pausing to make sure she was listening to everything I was saying, and when I saw that her lips remained shut just like I wanted, I placed my hands inside my suit trousers' pocket, and parted my lips once again

"So if you excuse me, I would be leaving" As soon as the words left my lips, and completed my sentence, I turned around, and headed towards the exiting door, only to end up stopping halfway, but I didn't turn back around to look at her, instead I parted my lips again and whispered out...

"I suggest you leave too, and don't you dare cause a ruckus while doing so, or you know how psychopathic I can be" The words fading away from my lips, I take my left hand out of my pocket, and flick on the door handle, before finally walking out.

Yes, I can be coldhearted to anyone, and I don't give a damn about it, nor about what she might think of me. Walking away, I tell myself, but immediately I do so, my damn mind flashes back to her: Catherine, and I feel something within me twist, and some fucking useless voice telling me that if it were Catherine that was inside, I might not have behave that coldly that I did to Daniella, even if I wanted to.

"NO!"

Yelling out regardless of if anyone might have heard me, I stopped walking, and tried to stop the damn thoughts that I didn't wanted to think about from killing me alive, and making me mad with sensations, and feelings that I didn't know ever existed even though I have been with Daniella all this years, but in the fucking messed up end, the more I tried to stop myself from thinking about it, the more it swallows my entire mind even more.

My mind reminiscing back to the office, I remembered how that maid touched my face, and made me feel something, and how I didn't stop her...

Reminiscing back to the office room, I remembered how I told her not to stop, and how deep down I wished Daniella hadn't showed up, even though she is my girlfriend

"But do you even still consider her your girlfriend?"

Some fucking voice like a silent devil whispered out and tells me, and immediately I heard the words, my heart that never reacts to anything starts beating fast, and I find myself trap in complete madness with myself, fighting myself, with only one thing that I was sure of: I was sure that I wasn't alright, and it was all because of her, that maid: Catherine!

"Fuck!"

Scattering the books on the table as soon as I got to my office, I fall back to the chair, and try to control and compose myself like I always do, and tried to stop my racing heart, but for the first time ever, it goes against its master and didn't stop racing, and threatens to end me

"I CAN'T BREATHE!"