C6 FEELINGS: DOES HE LOVES ME?

"The loneliness I feel when am alone is better than the sadness I feel when am with you. What is love?, what was love for me?. It was pain, a feeling that empited my chest and ate me alive, knowing just because I am drawn to you, it didn't entitle me to have you"

CATHERINE P.O.V

Seconds turns to Minutes, Minutes turns to Hours, Hours turns to Days, Days turns to Weeks, and still I found no peace in the house of my tormentor who kept on treating me like nothing but a slave. Indeed, it was no lie when he said it to my face that as long as he was paying me I was his to toy with. But fuck, am tired of it all, especially his worthless girlfriend Daniella, who kept on sparing no chance by getting on my nerves everytime she pops her make-up truck face in this mansion, and to say she has been treating me like nothing but shit was an understatement, cause only God knows how much I have fucking suffered even when she treats me like trash in front of him, my so called one and only contract husband: Killain.

But yet again, am the one whose always at fault for ever thinking that one day he would finally stand for me and tell his shit of a girlfriend to leave me alone, why would the demon who hated me ever do that for me?. It was my wildest fantasy that would never come true, and definitely not in this shitty life.

Damn, why didn't I included a "No Slavery" rule in the contract before signing it. Maybe if I had did, I would have been spared from having to decorate Killian, my husband bed lovingly, only for him to invite Daniella over to fuck her hard. Some shitty life am living huh?, but the worst most fucking part of it all is me having to hear moaning sounds coming from that bitch and used condoms in the floor that led to the entrance of the room. I knew leaving the condoms there was done intentionally by the two lovebirds to show and remind me that I had no place in Killian's life ever, but why do I care and why does it freaking hurt so much anytime I see him kiss her right in front of my face, and importantly, why can't I literally hate him the way he despised me.

"Was something freaking broken in me?"

This were the shitty questions that I couldn't, and still can't stop thinking about even though I could literally cut my head off to make it stop.

The only time that he ever treats me like an actual human being was when we were in public, in front of the press and in his office and that was what he was making me do right now by packing lunch to bring to him in his office like any other regular couples would do, and I don't have a freaking say in this, even though I don't want to keep deceiving people into envying and thinking that am living the best life when am freaking not, cause deep down not only were people getting deceived, but also were my emotions anytime he shows me this deceitful side of him in public, and it was so damn frustrating to keep up with this all because Mr. Billionaire was keen on keeping his good image to the public.

"All fucking lies!" Losing myself to anger and frustration, I yelled out before immediately cautioning myself as I looked at myself on the mirror one last time, before taking the lunchbox with my right hand. Shifting my face away from my reflection that wore an expensive polka dot dress and looks nothing like the real me. I could still vividly remember how he, the demon burnt down my entire wardrobe collection and replaced it all with tight and awful uncomfortable clothes that he liked, after he saw on the internet the twit by the no good paparazzi how I the billionaire's wife were wearing rags instead of clothes.

Even they weren't on my side, and gave the devil's son the chance to crush and hurt me as soon as he saw the news.

"Ma'am, Sir had clearly instructed that I drive you to his office, instead of you taking a taxi and disgracing him" Blurting out the exact words of Killian to me, the middle aged driver said to my face, oblivious of how pained and angry i was at the same time, but even though my emotions were literally raging inside me, I decided to keep my peace and words to myself. Rather I nodded my head as I shifted my gaze by to him, before entering into the expensive car that he would never genuinely let me got with.

***************************

Getting out of the back seat, and with the lunch box held firmly in my hand in order to prevent it from falling, I took a deep breathe and walked slowly into the biggest glass made company anyone could ever be to, that i would have been proud of if Killian was actually my real husband, but fantasies lies in dreams and this was reality. Bringing myself out of my thoughts again, I swallowed the lump on my throat one last time as I finally took the elevator up to the highest floor that he was in.

I was this nervous and afraid cause the last time I had been here, nothing ended well, and it was all because of that bitch: Daniella, who had vowed to ruined, and make a mockery of me, but even though Killian had knew I did no wrong, still who was I to him that he would ever support. I was a complete nobody.

"DING!"

It was only when the elevator made the clicking noise to show that I had finally arrived at the devil's harlem did I finally bring myself out of my killing self condemning thoughts that the demon had glued into my head.

"I bet his colleagues are inside, so let get this drama over with ASAP" I mumbled to myself, before heaving another sigh and curving my lips into a fake yet convincing smile as I gently pushed the door open. As soon as I do that, I traced my eyes around the spacious room and just like I had thought, his business partners/ fucking awful friends were there, and inviting me here was all to keep his image by showing people just how "Happy" we were, but even though i knew that this was the case all along, still why do I keep feeling sad, and why do I always keep getting my fucking hopes up....

"Do I love him?", "Do I want him to love mr back?"

As those questions popped into my head, I traced my mind back to Daniella and him,and how bad he has been treating me, before concluding once again that I didn't, what on earth would ever make me be attracted to him cause he's...

"Catherine" The demon called my name sweetly, and brought me out of my thoughts. Bringing me back to reality, I shifted my gaze and looked at how he had a fake grin that I could tell on his face, as he came to meet me...to hug me, but immediately he does just that and saw that I didn't reciprocated his hug back to him, he held me a whole lot tighter that I felt like I was going to die by running out of oxygen, and whispered silently into my left ear

"Don't screw this up, or your punishment would be worst than anything I have ever given you before...worst than you could ever imagine" He whispered, threatening me that the next minute, my cowardice hands rose up to his waist and hugged him back, before immediately letting go, but no matter how much I hated myself for being so weak and shitty, still I could do nothing, and immediately I let go of him, I smiled wider and parted my lips

"You don't need to praise me too much" With the deceitful smile on my face, I said as I looked at Killian's satisfying awful evil face, before shifting it to his partners that I bet where just like him, and to the table on the side that would finally free me from this suffocating room, as soon as I place the lunch box on it. I did do so, but as soon as I turn around to finally escape, the demon held my hand and pulled me back, to show that he wasn't done with his games of deceit. But what was more shocking was when I heard his voice again, and him say...

"Feed Me"

Hearing him say those words out, I widen my eyes in utter disbelief, and would have swore that I was hearing things if not because of the silent cheers and whispers that came from his so called friends that kept on staying perfectly still on the sofa on the side, and watching the drama, that the famous billionaire was slyly playing. I bring myself out of my shocked and looked at him right in the eyes again as he kept on faking a wide smile, even though I knew his inner demon was screaming how he would end me if I ever dare make a blunder, or refuse him, so yet again I become his pet, and let him intertwine our hands together as he brought me lovely to his chair to sit, which on a normal deceit less day, he would prefer to kill himself than to ever treat me nice.

Thinking about all this things, tears rushes up to my eyes, but even though he saw how bad he was torturing me, he didn't stop, nor did he let me stop feeding him. Rather, he gave me a "Won't you do it" look, kept on staring at me intensely, and kept on making me more nervous, until I was done spoon feeding him, and until all his friends had got tired of the show, and walked out of the room, but when my frustrated and hurt self stood up, and finally wanted to leave at last since the show was over, he pulled me back to the chair forcefully, with a smirk on his face to tease me more, since I was nothing but his entertainment, but I on the other hand couldn't it anymore, since I had already reach my climax, and my body was arching so badly, because I had to prepare the lunch for him "Lovingly" all by myself, because he had strictly instructed no one to help me.

Having to face all that cramp alone for a man who wouldn't ever treat me like a human being, my blood boiled up, and I yelled out a big "NO" to him, forgetting the fact that he has the permission to do whatever he wants to me, before immediately walking out of his "playroom" at last.

"He is no freaking God" Boiling and frustrated, I tell myself as I made my way to the stairs that led down to the closest bathroom, so that I could wash my tear stained face, in order to prevent any form of gossiping that would led me in another shit by him, before finally leaving the demon's company at last, but before I could just as much place my feet on the first stairs, a rough manly hand pulled me aggressively to the corner of the wall, and I get to see angry irritated dark eyes looking at me intensely

Indeed it was my demon husband who pulled me aggressively to the corner, lowered his hands from my back, down to my waist, and made me look at him right in the eyes, as his lips parted immediately

"How dare you walk away from me..." Looking at me right in the eyes, he yelled out as he held unto my chin forcefully again like he always do, making me wince in pain, but this time I strangely felt more pain, and hurt than I normally do anytime he rough handles me like this. Maybe it was because today I had completely over worked myself, or maybe it was because I was fed up with his deceit to others.

Either way, shitty tears started to streamed down my eyes as he kept on yelling horribly loud, forgetting to keep his own rule of pretending to be lovers in public.

"Or do you fucking think that you would go scot-free, if you leave, huh?" With his left hands holding tighter unto my waist, he yelled out again to my face, but immediately I heard his voice this time, I bursted into tears, cause he was right, no matter how I try to save myself, or try to ease this awful treatment, with him I would never be free, cause the demon would never let me go, until I hate my life so much that I would be able to barely keep living, cause all I am, and would ever be was the FAMOUS BILLIONAIRE'S TOY, that was incapable of ever being loved.

With all this reminders hitting me again, my disease started to act up, and I feel the world spinning awfully, as I realized that I didn't take my medicines today because of how I was trying to quickly come here, in order not to get reprimanded by him, but even with all my hurries, in the end he always finds every chance to ruin me just like how he was doing right now to me.

"God..." Parting my lips, I let out a little yelp, but still he didn't realize how miserable I was. My drugs were in the car since I always take it everywhere with me for times like this, and all I needed was for him to let me go in order for me to be able to go and take it, so in the end, and in order to prevent myself from getting into a bigger shit by collapsing, I glued my teary eyes back to him, and parted my dried lips.

"Please let me go" With my head spinning, and the tears flowing awfully down my eyes, I pleaded miserably as I kept on looking at his face, trying to read what he was feeling, but it remained unreadable, blank, his face made me shiver again as I became completely short of words.

"Why do you like doing this cramp?" The words fading away in the tensed air, I hear his voice again, but before I could make out exactly what he meant by that, he pulls me closer to himself and places his lips right on mine, marking the second time that my heart would stops beating...

MARKING THE SECOND TIME THAT I HAVE THE MINDSET THAT MAYBE HE DOESN'T TRULY HATE ME.