C7 FEELINGS: MY DEMON

"Please let me go"

With my head spinning, and tears flowing awfully down my eyes, I pleaded miserably, as I kept on looking at his face, trying to read what he was feeling, but it remained unreadable, blank, his face made me shiver again as I became completely short of words.

"Tell me, why do you like doing this cramp?" The words fading away in the tensed air, I heard his voice again with a confused and mixed sigh, but before I could make out exactly what he meant by that, he pulls me sharply closer to himself, and places his lips right on mine, marking it the second time that my heart stops beating.

MARKING IT THE SECOND TIME THAT I HAVE THE MINDSET THAT MAYBE HE DOESN'T TRULY HATE ME!

But in the end, the awful words he ever said to me, and all his maltreatment and torture, and all of the pain I felt and had to endure because of him, and his fucking girlfriend: Daniella, found it way up to my head, and mind, and made my hands take charge and break the kiss, by pushing him away from me, even though there was something in my heart that didn't wanted to, something in my heart that hated myself for pushing him, something in my heart that I had longed realized that was drawn to this same awful man that had never been for once been good to me. So in the end, and even though I found the courage by pushing him away, there was this feeling in my heart that twisted, and made me literally consider it a mistake by doing that

"You are a fool, Catherine!" I could hear my heart bleed out to me, as my shaking fingers touched my lips before I immediately took it away, and slowly found the courage to part my trembling not sure lips apart

"W...why did you do that?" Parting my lips, I found the courage to speak, more like stammer, and ask him, before my eyes slowly lifted up to his face and his dark shaded eyes, but all he had on his face as for the first time ever, he found it difficult to look at me, was a mixture of confusion about why he kissed me, disappointment and frustration as to maybe actually belittling himself by kissing a nobody like me, since I was clearly out of his league, since I was clearly someone he hated... What on earth was I expecting?, that he loved kissing me?, that I was any fucking thing to him?

Yet again, all this realizations and mocking voices came to my mind, but in the end, it somehow didn't make me feel shitty of myself like I had always felt any time his gestures remained me that I was a nobody, cause in middle of his facial mixture of confusion and frustration, there was this other feeling that I couldn't clearly put my fingers to, couldn't understand, a feeling that I could have missed if I was less attentive, a feeling that told me that a part, even if it was only a little part of him, had also felt the same feeling that I had when he kissed me, the strong feeling of yearningness, the strong feeling of attraction that I wasn't able to contain.

For a second, I had literally actually thought and felt that the other feeling that I saw on his face was the same with the one that I felt, and that he might have felt at least something for me, the way my heart was strangely, and so stupidly yearned for him, and for another of his kiss, but in the end, I guess not, cause his words decided to pierce me again, and change everything

"Why did I do that?" With his eyes back to me, and with one of his eyebrows arching up, he repeated my question and asked me blankly, as if trying to compose himself again, before immediately scoffing out rudely

"Don't get your hopes up, I did that, not because I freaking wanted to, but because we are in "MY" company, and obviously people are watching us. Or have you so easily forgotten that we have to keep this act huh, idiot!"

With all the words spitting out so freely from his reddish lips, he said to me cruelly without breaking eye contact, as if wanting to not miss the chance where I break down and cry in front of him, like I always do anytime he spoke so cruelly to me, but this time, and even shockingly to myself, it was something different from before, rather as the poisonous words he said left his lips, all that engulfed me was a mixture of pain, and anger. Fucking angry with my freaking self for ever letting my heart deceive me, angry with myself for always falling for his deceitful act, and above everything, I felt angry, rather I could feel my blood boiling because of him, and of the shitty fact that he always get satisfaction seeing me this way: So broken and lost, albeit it was a breathe of fresh air to him how I always break down like a complete fool, every time he proves to me that he was keen that I meant absolutely nothing to him.

Oh God, it hurt so much, that here I am wanting a little bit of genuine affection from a douchebag like him, a little bit of affection that I don't think, NO!, a little bit of affection that I WAS SURE that I would never be able to get.

"Just leave!" With the god so hurtful pain in my heart, I heard my conscience whisper to me silently, and I wasted no time before listening to it, as I swallowed my tears back in

"You will never change Mr. Billionaire" Looking at him one last time, I said to him as I swallowed the lump down my throat even though it was so unnecessary to do that, before turning around to finally leave him, but before I could finally leave the god forsaken corner we stayed for good, life decided to play another shitty game on me, as I felt his strong hand on my wrist.

He held my left hand to pull me back to himself, and to maybe yell at me for speaking rudely to him as always, but I not wanting to listen to anything he had to say whatsoever, decided to yank it away, I MADE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE BY DOING THAT, cause immediately I yanked my hand away from him, I lose balance, and the next thing I saw myself was falling down on the stairs in front of me, but in the end, the strangest thing was that I wasn't alone, rather he felled along with me, wrapped his hands around me, and made sure that even despite the fact that I was the cause of this fall, I didn't get hurt.

"Why on earth would you do this for me Mr. Billionaire?" That was the thought that I had with tears flowing down my eyes, when our bodies finally touch the cold tilted glassy floor at last.

What freaking demon possessed me to yank my hand away?

With more thoughts finding it way up to my mind, I looked at him guiltily, as he helped me up from the floor as well as himself. Helping me up from the floor, I saw how the side of his forehead was bruised, more like cut with a smear of his red blood, and I feel my heart sink, as another revelation that my heart strangely felt hit me again....

I LOVE IT WHEN HE KISSES ME, I HATE IT WHEN HE'S HURT, WHAT KIND OF SHIT IS THIS? MAYBE IT'S THE FEELING OF UNREQUITED LOVE, THE LOVE THAT I HAVE FOR MY ANGEL WHO SAVED ME, AND AT THE SAME TIME, MY DEMON WHO DESPISED ME STILL