C19 The Waking

Freya’s Pov

I wish I could say I was at peace when I woke up on his chest. I wish I could say I had one of those best sleep where you don’t want to wake up, that I was not scared, that I didn’t have a million thought laying next to him. That I didn’t go to sleep drowned in thoughts.

I also wished I could say that I didn’t enjoy it. His body against mine, the fog of peace that surrounded my head even in thoughts, his hand over my back holding me close to him. I wish I could deny that all of that didn’t set my body in peace but they did, way beyond my control.

Tracing aimless circles on his chest I thought how I had lost every atom of hope of him returning to me. I remembered vividly well how my heart missed a beat when the door creaked open to his figure as he stood in sight holding apologetic look. It broke me to stupor. I couldn’t be mad. The little faint of anger saw themselves through the door when it came open by him.

And when he said, ‘I said you should wait for me,’ that melted the little fragments of ice left. After that no words were said. Our soft ragged breathing filled the room. I couldn’t conjure any sound. How could I? I was lost at words. I gawked at him perplexed, squinting my eyes to check if my mind was playing games on me. Words weren’t formed, they were scared of coming out from me. I didn’t trust myself with the right words.

He climbed up behind me and still with no words perceived by any of us he drew me closer to his body. I didn’t know the tension that filled my body till he held me in his arms and they deflated away. Our bodies were so close that I felt him. His hand came up securely around me and he smoothed my hair repeatedly, still no words were spoken or heard. It was as if we communicated in that silence, it was too soft and tender that either of us were scared that any word spoken may affect it’s fragile nature. We were scared to ruin the silence. It felt as though it wouldn’t last, it would disappear with the moon and all that would be left may be only chaos and regrets.

Millions of thought raced in competition in each of our minds. So many words I wanted to say, so many questions but the silence said ‘silence’ let the unspoken words linger till the rise of the sun and let those words rise with those questions.

So as I laid on his chest my mind was a galaxy of thoughts wanting nothing more but to be displayed out. I was eager, yes, but I didn’t want to disturb his slumber. I also was prepping myself because it seemed that when those questions leaves the tubes of my heart and are voiced from my mouth there was no going back. Anything said would already had been said. So I also relished in this thick silence.

Feeling my body lose its course and position, I looked down on his face. He had woken up as he moved his body to adjust in his position.

Suddenly a wave of anxiety flooded me like storm. I made to move from his body but he held me back, he kept me back on his body.

“Stay,” he muttered.

My

A deep breath followed by another and another.

“Speak what’s on your mind,” he commanded. When I gazed down at him. “I know you’ve got questions and I’m ready to answer them, I’ll try to give you answers to your questions.”

Little by little I felt the nervousness begin to slip away with each words he muttered.

“Any questions at all?”

He thought a little of my questions then he smiled. If it was under a different circumstance I would’ve blushed but it wasn’t.

“No you get to ask three questions,” he spoke with a faint smile.

“Really?”

“That’s one.”

“What? No!”

“That’s two.”

I laughed and hit him on the chest. “You’re kidding, I have three. So here I go.”

“Why did you leave me last night?” When I asked that question my face crunched up in a pained manner. I pushed my body a little from his, making me lay slanted, part of my leg was crossed over his masculine leg and then I placed my chin on his stomach region so that I could stare at him as he spoke. His big hand found their way over my small waist in no time, slipping inside my clothes, his hand trailed aimlessly.

“Is that supposed to distract me?” I asked

“Is that a question?”

“No!”

“But is it working?” He teased.

“What do you think?”

“Well does it make you want to forget about asking me any questions?”

“No. So now answer me, why did you?” I asked no longer joking. I was serious now and he could see that.

“I had an important task to handle. It was urgent.” He answered simply.

“More important than me?”

“That would be question number two. Would you still choose that question?”

I thought little of it and answered with no hesitation, “yes, I still choose it.”

“No,” he answered plainly.

“Common you’re joking. Give me a proper answer.” I demanded.

“Freya—-“

“Just say it, however it may sound like, I’m prepared. I just want to hear it,” I knew what he would choose, his pack. It was obvious, I knew what his answer would be yet I still wanted to hear it nonetheless and get hurt. Wow Freya.

“You’re my mate, my better half. Freya I’m not the kindest person, no. ‘Kind’ seemed a bit wrong. I’m not a good person and as such I have multiple enemies. Enemies that even I inherited from my father, enemies that I created. I’m an alpha with so many enemies. I’m in a minefield and I must step carefully less I’ll be blown off. My pack is the strongest pack that came with a lot of sacrifices. Sacrifices that had scarred me and left wounds in my heart. Most of the times it demands my undisputed and undivided attention. A call I can’t reject or neglect. So I had to go. Being in this position doesn’t mean you get to have your way and do as you please it’s quite the opposite because the moment you slip? It’s already in someone else’s court and there’s nothing you can do about it. But all this does not amount to the rate of love I have for you Freya. Everyday I try to be better for you and it may not seem like it, knowing me. But you must know that you’re equally as important to me.” He said.

When he confessed like this I knew that Artemis must’ve had a rough childhood growing up. He was so cold and shut off. An alpha of no emotions letting little of his emotions out. That had got to be years of being cold and stoic. But that wasn’t all I derived from his little speech, I knew then and there that he needed a strong Luna by his side. That would rule alongside him not some weak werewolf as Luna. I and Jade had to seat up.

Something else bugged me like bed bug in the back of my mind.

“What about your mother?” I asked

Instinctively I felt him grow regid and cold. The little circle he traced on my back came to a halt. I was right. This was a touchy subject. Did I cross the line? If I did. I didn’t care you only get healed by talking about your deepest scar.

When he shifted on his spot, I thought he was going to push me away slightly to lay by myself but he rather pulled me up and made me to lay side face on his chest. I couldn’t get the figures his face would contort too when he spoke and I so dearly wanted to see it.

“My mother…”his words faded with tremble in his voice.

“My mother—- I only knew her at a very tender age. Sometimes I forget what she looked like, her smell and the tenderness of her voice. She was the sweetest person.” His voice was getting too emotional and he took a break to recompose his composure.

“She died. When she died I didn’t know, I only found her a month later. My father —— he was a very strict man. He demanded no emotions from I or his subordinates. My father told me that emotions were signs of weakness and I should eliminate every trace of it. Mother was soft and…kind she was underserving for my father. HE—“

He stopped again, his heart beating drastically with every drumming. I wrapped my hand around him in a reassuring style.

He resumed, “anyway she was too good and I didn’t get to spend adequate time with her because I had pack duties and I was the only heir.” His voice was marked with an unusual coldness not allowing passage for any sort of feelings.

I remember his mother on that portrait in the hallway. He said he was forgetting her, I wonder if that was why he put so many portrait of her there.

She was soft and gentle, easing grace effortlessly. She was an epitome of grace and class, tender and gentle. I could tell her memories didn’t bring good emotions with it. It rather brought regrets and I didn’t want to pry any further. Opening old scars were painful, I of all people knew that.

“We should go down for breakfast,” he spoke up, confirming that he didn’t want to talk about this topic any further than I.

Grudgingly I sat up, when I did I instantly missed the warmth his body offered me. To go back there was tempting.

“You go wash up and meet me later in the dining room. I’ll be waiting,” when I stood up and was about to leave he held me back by reflex. I turned and smiled down at him.

“I don’t want to change this position,” he teased hugging me further. I for one did not want to leave this position either. So I didn’t resist.

“Let’s stay like this for thirty minutes,” he said. I eyed him suspiciously. He smiled and kissed me on my chin. “Stay with me Freya.” That sounded pleading and I couldn’t object.

Oh my gosh! Oh my freaking gosh. The blood in my body gathered in one place, my cheeks grew hot. I got hot also.

“Well then if you insist,” I said smiling slyly.

I literally had nothing doing, so why resist what I very much desire I might as well enjoy the calm before the storm starts. And it was no new thing that the storm brewing outside would destroy everything in its path. And so for the main time I laid back on his chest and shut down all the worries, all the negative thoughts that were shoving their head deep down within me and allowed myself to be swept with the short fantasy of now.