C1 Hate Command

It was the most horrifying night that ever happened in my life. What actually happened these past few days keeps on coming back inside my mind. The light that almost blinds me, the terrifying heat, the shattering fire, the deadly pain and so on are the worst feelings I have ever felt before. Everything… seemed so new to me. I could still feel it. I could still remember it clearly. Like, a crystal glass… so transparent to see the happenings from the past.

And I hate the fact that I couldn't remove it in my mind. I was so afraid. So so afraid. I think . . . I am at my worst point. No. I'm hell sure. I'm at my worst point. Why on earth let this happen to me? Why damn the earth allowed some fucking humans do this to me?!

Many people do want to live longer, and I am not one of them of course. I hate my life to the edge. I hated the way I created. I was repeatedly asking the world, what was the reason for it to let me breathe? Was it to suffer? Was it to shed in tears all day? Was it to endure the pain to the fullest?

Fuck. I hate my damn life.

"Ahhhh!" My voice echoed the whole place after I shouted in fear, annoyance, and grief. My voice combined so much anger. My voice still shakes as I sit on the side of the road, hands tweaking my own hair. I was chasing my breath, badly furious.

I looked around, searching for the car noise I just heard, my eyeballs couldn't stop rolling as I searched for it. Yes, I was right, it was the sound of a nearly approaching car. While watching the car move from afar, I imagined various things that could possibly happen to me if I bang myself there. If I would disappear, my chest pains will fade. All those suffering… will end easily.

Without a doubt crossing my mind, I quickly ran towards the approaching car. I don't want to cry anymore, I don't want to suffer either, so if I lose, all these sorrows will disappear too. I closed my eyes tightly when the car got too close to me. I stopped, and waited for it to crash but the warm water almost poured and colonized my eyes when I realized that there was no other crucial thing happening to me when the car finally came over my place.

I could hear its engine near me, but it didn't hit me, nor hurt me.

The thought of me dying after being hit by a car had vanished. I opened my eyes and I immediately saw my hands. I was crying. I was shaking my head. My body was shaking as well. I can't accept it. I can't process it. I'm . . . I'm still alive. Fuck! I'm still alive! God, Why?!

I stood up, crying, as I listened to every curse of the man driving the car walk towards me. He was so mad.

Galit na galit sya na parang gusto na akong patayin pero iyon naman ang gusto ko. Kaya hindi ako umalis para inisin sya, mangyari sana ang ninanais ko.

"Fuck! What the hell is happening with you!? Are you insane!? Are you stupid?!" The man's voice thundered. "Get away from there!" He yelled but I did not listen. "Hey! Aren't you hearing me?! Are you a deaf?! Goodness!" A series of complaints I heard.

I still did not answer him. I just cried.

I am still alive. Why . . . am I still alive?

The man who had almost hit me was still not leaving, so even though I was crying, I slowly turned my gaze to him. And the moment our eyes met, I caught a surprise that crossed his eyes. It was as if he was surprised and amazed by what he saw.

He sighed. "I'm asking, why? What's wrong with you? Why are you… acting like that?" The man's voice softened.

I slowly averted my eyes off him with teary eyes. "Please… I want you to kill me… I want you to end my life… please, just do it for me…" I begged. "Please…" I cried.

"You want me to be a killer?"

"I'm willing to be killed. Don't worry. No one will know about it." I felt like I was going crazy while saying those words.

He laughed as if what I was saying was a joke so I quickly looked back at him, angrily. He walked towards his car so I quickly got up and stopped him. "Please! Please! Do it for me! Please…" I hugged his left leg, begging.

"Bullshit! What's wrong with you?!" His voice thundered again.

I slowly let go of her leg, trembling, fainting, languishing in extreme fear. A bead of tears fled from my eyes. "My whole family died. They left me alone. I just want to be with them…" my voice weakened. I told him everything and why I was upset. I told him all my problems, all the things I had before but gone now.

He folded his legs, leveling with me. The side of his lips lifted with a spike of engraved misery. He touched my chin carefully, as if he was admiring it and slowly lifted it. I'm still in tears. "Well, I can help you," he muttered. My two eyebrows met, confused with his words. Had he made his final decision? Is he going to kill me? "But you have to help me too..." he added while observing my face.

I was even more confused with that. "What? What do you mean?" I ask.

"I can give you the house… the money… I can provide you with financial assistance... I can even help you in your studies. But give me the most beautiful thing I want…" There was a suspense in his voice while he was still holding on to my chin.

I met his eyes. "Then what's that…"

The side part of his lip rose even higher, forming a smirk. He slowly brought his face closer to my face. "Your body…" he muttered without any reluctance.

It was the hardest choice I encountered ever in my whole life. It was just a simple yes or no but I can't quickly choose which. I thought carefully about what he said. If I will, everything I lost will be returned. Except for my family.

So in a flash, I just found myself inside the room of the man who made me choose between hard choices. I agreed with him. So I was currently wearing a bathrobe, ready to give my whole self to her.

He's done introducing himself to me. As far as I remember, his name is Cedrick Wagner, a twenty five year old businessman. I think he owns a very large company because his house is very very large. And nah. This is not just a house. Because this is a mansion. A mansion of a rich man.

He entered the room and nervousness quickly ate my body. He walked towards me and as soon as he reached my place… with his wet and messy hair. God, he's hot. He leaned closer to me then he started kissing me. The smooth scent of him made me get carried away by his warm kisses so I just saw myself naked in bed like him.

I was already covered by my sweat while holding on to Cedrick's broad shoulders. I was lying in a very soft bed, letting out soft moans. He was on top of me, naked as well. And I could feel his shaft teasing my entrance. "Hmm," I moaned, he was sucking my breasts as he moved his fingers in and out of my womanhood.

I orgasm many times.

He plunged his shaft inside me. Pulling and pushing. Pounding with my body. The bed was creaking when Cedrick thrust. The two of us were breathing heavily, I was shaking, my knees were weak, and sweating profusely. And when we were about to reach the peak of happiness, the most awaiting orgasm, he suddenly stopped thrusting hard.

We heard three knocks. Cedrick was pissed.

"Who is there?!" Cedrick shouted, mad.

"Sir! Ma'am Elise is here!" It was as if something pierced my chest after hearing what Marta, the house maid, said outside the door.

She was referring to Elise, the girl Cedrick was courting.

Because of that, the man above me was stunned. I could read the reaction in his eyes. As if he was guilty of sexing with me. My chest heats up not because of the pleasure. I don’t know where it was coming from but I could feel the pain in my chest.

Moments later, Cedrick pulled out his penis and we both moaned with it. I opened my eyes and saw him hurriedly getting up.I sat on the bed, naked, while watching him dressed himself.

He finished quickly so he walked out of the room as fast as he could, the door made a loud noise as he shut it up, leaving me dumbless, reaching for the girl he loved and desired.

Parang pinipiga ang dibdib ko sa tuwing inaalala ang mga inakto nya kanina. Kung papano sya umalis at kung papaano nya padabog na sinarado ang pinto.