C1 You're not in it

CAMILLA

~•~

My hands brushed the floor and slid to the side of the radio. Sighing with satisfaction, I proceeded to find the volume button and pressed it till I could no longer hear myself breathe.

I turned, face up, my legs dancing in the air as I sang along to the song on the radio.

"Call me, irresponsible.."

I turned sideways, my left hand clung to my chest dramatically as my eyes widened, I shut them and frowned.

"Call me, unreliable.."

I sat up, throwing my hands in the air and moving my head sideways with so much force my loosely fixed hairpin fell off.

"Throw in, undependable too...." I screamed, stretching the last word dramatically. I knelt on the bed.

I continued to sing while running my hands all over my body dramatically, moving my head from side to side while imagining I was a rockstar vixen in a hot music video.

Suddenly, my song stopped.

"There is, nothing that I won't do to..." There was a short pause. I frowned when I realized I had been singing alone for more than thirty seconds.

"Oh for the love of..."

The sight of red flip-flops beside the radio stopped my statement. To be honest, it was not the flip-flops, but the person whose feet rested in them.

"Urghhh!"

I fell back to the spring bed, the poor thing squeaked under my weight and I frowned.

"Stupid mattress" I cursed aloud.

I was not even allowed to wallow in self-pity in peace!

"It's had enough of you, and frankly so have I!" The lady standing beside my bed spoke. I sighed and turned to her.

"What do you want?" I asked, my lazy eyes looking up at my older sister. We had similar brown hair and odd brown eyes. One that looked more transparent than brown, almost like you could see through the eyes, into whatever lay beyond them.

"What do I want?" She repeated, appearing thoughtful.

"Let's see, how about you stand up and try to make yourself useful around here? Camilla, I do not know what has become of you, but whatever issues it is you have, you need to settle them quickly because I'm getting so fed up! The sight of you sitting and doing nothing makes me want to scream!"

I pouted, rolled my eyes, and folded my arms under my breasts as I sat up.

"I am a certified psychologist, a mental doctor, you don't speak to me like that."

Tehilah's eyes darted around my small frame with disgust. I sat nonchalantly on my small spring bed, in a loose grey sweater that made me look paler than I was. The matching sweatpants I had under the sweater did not make me look any more pleasant or less depressing. I sometimes wandered why she wouldn't just let me be.

"You know, I wonder how you managed to fix people's mess in the past when you're a huge pile of mess yourself."

I sighed once again. my eyes met my sister's furious once in a calm gaze, one that infuriated Tehilah all the more.

"It's more of a practice-what-I-say-and-not-what-I-do profession."

"These bills won't pay themselves, Camilla."

I replied with a snort. I turned over and placed my feet on the ground.

"I don't know what you want TT"

Tehilah stomped halfway across the small room to the space I stood in.

"I want you to get up and do something! When was the last time you took up a paid case?" She spoke, her anger and desperation made no effort to hide. They were everywhere, in her pose, in her eyes, and her tone.

I did feel sorry for my sister, but more for myself. I stayed silent, not because I did not know, but because the answer was going to prove Tehilah right.

"What? Cat got your tongue? Or maybe you have forgotten? Wow! It's been that long ago!"

I did nothing but look away from Tehilah.

"Wow! That must mean everyone is handling their problems better these days, isn't that a good thing Tehilah? I mean, I don't have a job anymore cause everyone is happy."

My shoulder brushed past Tehilah's as I walked.

"We should celebrate, shouldn't we?"

"Camilla, you are a twenty-five-year-old young lady, without a stable source of income, still living with your sister and her fiance, don't you think that's enough reason to see a therapist?"

"Well, I guess I should consult myself then..." I paused in my tracks, turned, and looked around the room dramatically.

"But then, I don't have any money, so how do I pay myself?"

Tehilah sighed, a sad chuckle escaping her lips.

"You don't get it to do you?"

"I'm sure I do.."

"No, you don't!" Tehilah cut in harshly.

"Francis and I are trying to build a home here, a future..."

"I know that.."

"And you're not in it!"

The silence that followed her yell seemed to last forever between us. Tears gathered in my eyes, the harsh reality of how lonely I was had slapped her across the face once again.

"I need you to get up, leave and make a life for yourself. I didn't work my ass off to see you through college and graduate school only to have you lazy around my house because you feel I'm always going to be here. After all, the truth is.."

Another long and intense pause.

"..I won't."

I swallowed her tears back, along with my pain and disappointment.

"I know, I'll leave first thing tomorrow morning."

Tehilah's eyes softened, she reached out for me, but I stepped backward.

"I didn't say you had to..."

"You didn't have to. You're right, I have to get my own life."

Tehilah stood back and watched me walk out of the room, banging the door behind me.

I bit her lower lip to prevent myself from crying.

"She did what needed to be done" I tried to tell myself.