C13 The Lessons

Hamdan's p.o.v

It has been almost eight months since I arrived at the madrasa. Sidra and I established a routine where she taught me different sources of Islam. Within the few months of my time with sidra, I was more enchanted by her than I have ever been with anyone. She always had her signature Niqab on but not knowing what she looked like increased her appeal in my eyes.

I was conflicted. My feelings were everywhere .Humeyra hunted my sleep and sidra occupied my days. I no longer knew what I wanted in this whole messed up situation. I was sure though that Humeyra won't allow polygamy. She was the type of woman who had gherah with the people she loved. Humeyra. I miss her so much. I especially miss her voice and if I was being honest, I kept dreaming about her lips ravishing mine with her tiny hands wrapped around my neck affectionately. Astaghfirullah.

I couldn't help fearing that she was no more, a thought that has plagued my mind and sicken my heart. Just the thought of her not being there anymore brings my spirit down. I know I took her for granted. I also realized that it took her a lot of courage to confess to me but as stupid as I was back then, I messed up her self-esteem and probably killed her inside. I might as well have stabbed her in the heart.

It was strange though how I could always forget Humeyra whenever I was with sidra. Her demure nature, her teachings, her demonstrations and what not. She was one in billions. I admit, she would make a perfect wife, I thought.

It was on a Wednesday. I had no lessons to teach but had a class with my shy teacher sidra. For a reason not known to me, she was silent around me when she was not teaching. I arrived at her office and found her behind her desk.

Asalamu aleikum warahmatullahi wabarakatu ustadha sidra.

Wa aleikum salaam warahmatullahi wabarakatu ustadh Hamdan. Welcome.

As she was preparing to teach, I suddenly didn't want to be taught today so I asked her if we could just talk. She was hesitant at first but she eventually gave in to my request. Since I went to her office for the first time, there was no barrier between us which was very dangerous for us both no matter how pure my intentions were.

Ustadha, would it be aright if I get to know you better? I would really like to know you more.

She hesitated once more but nodded in affirmative. Alhamdulillah. I know that I might be crossing a limit but this feelings are not in my favor any more. I needed her more than I ever needed any one in my life at that moment. I know that the Ikhtilat should not be broken yet she was like a fragrance of fresh misk that is unique to the world. I love Humeyra but sidra I fell in love with her for the sake of Allah. She has helped improve me as a person and as a Muslim. Alhamdulillah, finally I will get to know her better and may be decide on who I would want to marry. Ya Rabb, make this easier for me.