C12 Chelsea

“Why are our parent’s home?” I question Kevin as he parks in our driveway.

He shrugs his shoulder, “The fuck if I know.”

After we left my father's house, I stayed on Kevin’s lap crying for Lord knows how long. He drove around the corner from my father’s and held me until I finished crying. It seems like everything is falling apart lately, and I have no control over it.

Jason had called my phone the second I left and is calling again.

Peering down at my phone, I hesitate to answer it. “Go, ahead, answer it. I’ll remain quiet.” Kevin says.

“Hello,” I whispered faintly.

“Are you still with him?” Jason growls.

“It doesn’t matter since you and I are no longer a couple,” I answer flatly.

“You’re mine, Chelsea.”

“Was,” I correct him.

“I’ll never let you go, Chelsea.” His voice is soft yet deep.

“You should’ve thought about that before deciding to lie to me for years,” His lies have cost him our relationship. Also, it ruined any chance of him and me remaining friends.

“I didn’t lie, Chelsea. I just didn’t tell you because I knew you’d react as you are now. Over the years, you’ve held in so much bitterness toward your father for leaving you. And if I had told you, you would’ve turned your anger toward me.” I’m not sure of how I would have reacted, and neither is he, for that matter.

I don’t believe I would have been as upset or angry as I am now if Jason would have told me while we were younger. Jason was a child like I was, and had no control over his mother’s actions, just like I hadn’t with my father.

“You assumed I would be angry with you, Jason. You wouldn’t know what would have happened unless you would’ve come forward with the truth.” I say tiredly.

“Can I come over, Chelsea?” Jason asks.

“I told you we are not together anymore. Besides, my mother is home.”

“So, you’re going to lie now?” Instead of acknowledging Jason’s accusation, I hang up on him and turn my phone off. I refuse to deal with his jealousy or him accusing me when I have no reason to lie.

“Are you ready to go inside?” Kevin asks, looking at me with pity.

I nod and accompany him into our house. As soon as we enter, I spot my mother sitting in the living room as if she is waiting for me to come home.

“Sit down, Chelsea. We need to talk.” She says firmly.

I glance toward Kevin, wondering if he had mentioned anything to her, but he appears to be as clueless as I am.

“The school called me.” I shrug.

“Why didn’t you call me?” She questions.

“I didn’t want to spoil your honeymoon. You’ve made it perfectly clear that you wouldn’t tolerate anybody ruining your chance of happiness.” I rub my temples, trying to release the tension.

“So, you called the parent who had wanted nothing to do with you most of your life?” She laughs bitterly.

“No, mom. I called the parent who you claimed didn’t want anything to do with me most of my life. Dad cheated on you, not me. Why didn’t you tell me that you wouldn’t allow me over his house to visit? And, that’s the reason he stopped coming around?” I question in a wavering voice.

“I wasn’t going to allow her to raise you.” Mom snaps. After all this time, I realize it’s been about jealousy.

She didn’t care about my feelings or how much I would miss my father. Clearly, my mother kept me from my father because she was jealous of another woman.

I hop up from the couch to get away from her. She follows, “Leave me alone, Mom.”

She catches me by my shoulders, “Don’t walk away from me when I’m speaking to you.”

I’m tired of her bossing me around like I’m a fucking child. I smack her hands off my shoulders, “Why not? So you can fill my head with more fucking lies?” As soon as the words leave my mouth, she smacks me across my face.

Quickly, I bring my arm out to the side and bitch-slap her the way she likes to do with me. Only, I slap her harder.

Virgil grabs my mother, and Kevin grabs me, “Get out.” my mother screams.

“Think about what you’re doing, Dorothy,” Virgil says.

My mom looks at Virgil while he holds the side of her face, “I refuse to allow her to smack me.”

“But, it’s okay for you to smack me?” I shout. “It’s okay for you to uproot my whole fucking life and expect me to be the daughter who has to abide by your rules and keep my fucking mouth shut?” I’m done taking my mother's shit.

Now that I’m not in school, I don’t need to kiss her ass or continue to let her control my life.

Virgil tosses Kevin a pair of keys, “Go with her, Kevin, until her mother calms down.”

Kevin and I quickly pack my belongings, and I follow Kevin without any questions.

***

“Wake up, Chelsea.” I slowly open my tired eyes and glance around to take in my surroundings.

“Where are we at?” I ask.

“My Dad's beach house,” Kevin says.

“You have a beach house and never told me?” Speedily, I jump out of the car and race through the doors.

Every room has spacious glass windows, giving us the perfect view of the beach. “It’s beautiful, Kevin, and just what I needed.” I search through the house and locate a bar stocked with liquor.

Without thinking, I snatch a glass and fill it with 'Jack Daniels.’ I drink it straight as Kevin copies, and together we drink. We don’t speak or talk about anything that has taken place.

Eventually, I stagger to the window and turn my phone on. Instead of reading Jason's text messages, I send him one.

— Kevin kissed me outside the school the day I fought Jessica, and I didn’t push him away. I wish it weren’t eating at me, but it is. I figured it's time to spill my secrets to you to make our break up easier. Unlike you, I felt guilty for keeping a secret, so instead of hiding it for years, I’d figure I’d notify you now while I’m liquor encouraged.

I hit send, immediately feeling the relief of letting it all out. The fucking guilt was tearing me to pieces.

Lately, I had given Jason every excuse in the book to avoid him after I kissed Kevin because I couldn’t bear to look at him knowing I had cheated.

Honestly, I can’t judge my father nor Jason’s mother because I’m no better than they are. Even though I didn’t sleep with Kevin, I still kissed him, and in my books, that’s cheating.

Kevin brushes the tears from my face the same moment my phone rings. I take hold of Kevin’s wrist and blabber, “Don’t.” I’m too fragile at the moment. The last thing I need is for his hands to be on me, and I have another weak moment before I realize what I’m going to do.

He immediately drops his hand, “I can’t stay here with you, Chelsea.” I frown at him, “Being around you is playing with my heart, and I can’t continue to torture myself. I’m going to go home and give you space. If you need me, you can call me.”

I shouldn’t want Kevin to stay, but I do. Plus, I hate being alone. “Stop looking at me like you want me to stay.” He attempts to joke, but his voice sounds sad. “If I stay Chelsea, I won’t keep my hands off you.”

I’ve just left Jason and am unclear about what I want to do. Not only that, Jason and I still have unsettled business. “Maybe it’s best if you leave,” I say regrettably. I can’t make any rash decisions until I’ve spoken to Jason since I’ve run off without talking to him.

Moreover, running doesn’t solve anything. All I’ve done was escape the lies until I can deal with the truth. And, right now, I’m not strong enough.

Importantly, I can’t jump into bed with Kevin as soon as I climbed out of Jason's. That would make me no better than the girls Kevin has already fucked.

If I run back to Jason, I’m going to hurt Kevin.

If I run into Kevin’s arms, I’m going to hurt Jason.

Right now, I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. Yet, I continue to hurt Kevin more and more each day by sending him mixed signals. As of now, Kevin is the only friend I have. It might be selfish of me, but I need his friendship.

Kevin leans forward and kisses my cheek, “I’m gonna leave you the car and have a friend of mine drive me home.” I nod and watch him leave.

Once he leaves, I pour another drink and chug it back while wallowing in self-pity.

I’m no better than Jason when I think about it. He might have lied, but so have I.

I thought I would have felt better after sending him the text message, but now I regret it.

In truth, I’ve gone about it all wrong, thanks to the liquor. And, two wrongs don’t make it right.

I should have talked to Jason face to face instead of through a text message.

Jason might have been jealous and some moments overbearing, but now I understand why.

His worst fears have come true.

I kissed Kevin, and I left him.

Everything he was scared of has come true.

Hypothetically, I assumed Jason was insecure, but he wasn’t. His secret was consuming him, and he had to know it would someday come to light. And, when it did, he was afraid of losing me.

Before turning my cell phone off, I send Jason one more text message.

— I'm sorry

I should have pushed Kevin away instead of allowing lust and happiness to overwhelm me.

I need to close my eyes while intoxicated to escape life tonight so that I can sleep. Otherwise, I will probably get another headache thinking about life.