C3 Chapter 2: Grief

The sun rising as the sky gets bright allows light to pass through the curtain. Still on my bed, thinking how did it go wrong when our love was perfectly fine.

I poured out all the pain inside my room. Thinking about what happened yesterday. I could feel nothing but the emptiness in my heart. I don't have any idea why he did this to me.

I can say that our relationship has been good for the past five years that we've been together. What I have done wrong?

I gave everything but still not enough.

I wiped my tears that kept on falling. I feel like I'm losing myself. I don't know where to start. I feel like everything has fallen on me.

I rose to get some food in my refrigerator, I needed to divert my attention to other things, I needed to focus on myself from now on. That guy who made me like this will regret it soon.

"Ugghh..." I yearn as I taste the creamy and cheesy giant burger and savor the deliciousness in my mouth. This yummy burger can alter my love problem and I deserve to taste this as I forget all the bad things that happened to me at the moment.

I stood up and went straight out to on the radio but damn the song greeted me so well that would make me cry even more.

It's you, it's always you.

If I'm ever gonna fall in love I know it's gonna be you.

It's you, it's always you.

Met a lot of people, but nobody feels like you.

So, please, don't break my heart.

Don't tear me apart.

I know how it starts.

Trust me: I've been broken before.

Don't break me again.

I am delicate.

Please, don't break my heart.

Trust me, I've been broken before.

The abundant tears started to rush into the corner of my eye. Every lyric seems to crash inside of me.

I decided to turn it off before I burst into tears.

I just made my way back into the kitchen and started eating again. With every bite, I felt like I was pouring out the pain and hatred.

After I ate, I went into the bathroom and took a shower, letting the water flow into my body. And another tears welled upon my face. I can stop myself from crying.

It took an hour before I got dressed. I slowly lay down on my comfy bed, thinking about what happened recently causing me to burst into tears again.

As I continued crying, I suddenly heard a voice.

"Thanks to holy God, I thought you were drunk."

I raised my head to see the girl who owned that beautiful voice, it was Cheska my best friend. She stood up all five feet three inches, with a look of mercy on her pretty face. She placed her phone on the table pulled out a chair and sat.

"Why didn't you knock on the door?" I look at her coldly straight in the eye.

She just ignored what I said and asked some questions about me.

"How are you, Samantha?" She asked while pointing out my heart while watching me sobbing.

"I love him even more Cheska," I replied

"Stop crying Sam, come here," She hugged me tightly and tapped my back gently. "Hush, everything will be alright Sam," She comforted me.

"The pain that you have been feeling right now will have vanished soon." She said calmly.

"Am I not enough? What I have done wrong to our relationship?" I said while my voice cracked in pain. The tears gradually dripped down my face.

"You have done nothing wrong, Sam," She said

"Then why he left me?" I asked hoarsely

"Maybe there is someone better than him," She said in a low tone voice.

I sighed and nodded at what she said.

After our short conversation, she took me into the living room. She started to clean up my house and I just stared at her all day without any expression on my face. Cheska knows me very well that I didn't want to do something if there is undesirable happened to me. I can just count on my fingers how many times I blink. I was stunned all day remembering those happy moments that we had.

Cheska said something but I didn't pay attention to it. I just realized that she was already right in front of me, tapping my shoulder.

"Sam, I'll be leaving. If you need something please don't hesitate to approach me." She said in a calm voice.

He left quietly before she slowly slammed the door.

I was left alone, wondering how could I stop myself from crying. Silence prevailed in every corner of this room which made me even more miserable.

I was thinking. What if I will burn out all our photos until it will become ashes?

Will the pain I feel will be vanish?

Instead of thinking that way, I made my way into the kitchen and took some alcoholic drinks.

I took a glass and poured some alcohol on it. I gulped it directly into my mouth as if I was very thirsty. I don't care about myself anymore. The man that I love the most already left me hanging.

Then I poured another shot of drinks into a glass then I immediately drank it. Another one more shot until I feel dizzy.

I look at the ceiling while lying on the cold floor. All I can see is the face of him. How can I remove this pain I feel throughout my system? Do I deserve this kind of pain?

As I closed my eyes tightly, my breathing was considerably heavy. I promised myself that this would be the last tears. There are no more tears to fall over the same things.

I leaned my back against the wall, pressing my arms, because I started to feel numb all over my body.

Maybe tomorrow there will be no more tears that kept on falling. The last thing I knew was that I was letting myself sleep while carrying the heaviness inside of me.