C2 3

“Oh, excuse me,” Tina said. Completely lost in her thoughts, she’d run into someone.

“Really, can’t you –?” an aggravated voice began, and then fell silent. “Tina?”

Tina looked up. She’d paid no attention to the person she’d run into. “Mar?” she asked in astonishment. She looked at Mar from top to bottom. “You . . . is it really you? You look so different.”

“Unfortunately, no one would take me seriously in a t-shirt and shorts,” Mar laughed. “This type of suit makes a much more serious impression.”

“Oh . . . yes,” Tina stammered. “Really serious.”

“Are you disappointed?’ Mar watched her. “Did you like me better in shorts?” She laughed again.

“I . . . no, of course not,” said Tina. “You look very good. It suits you.”

“Thanks,” said Mar. Her glance took Tina in as if by chance. She hesitated a moment. “You look very good, too.” She seemed to pull herself together and continued, “What are you doing right now?”

“Going shopping?” They’d met in the middle of the crowd at the farmers’ market. “No, actually . . . I’m on my way back to work,” said Tina. Genevieve hadn’t come. Tina had waited for her in the restaurant for her entire lunch break, and tried to call her, but Genevieve hadn’t picked up. Not for the first time.

Finally, Tina was forced to admit that there was no point in waiting. She had to go back to the firm – and now this. She’d run into Mar.

“Have you got five minutes?” Mar asked. “For a coffee?” She looked around as if she were already searching for a cafe.

“N-no, my lunch break is over,” answered Tina hesitantly. “I’m way more than five minutes late, as it is.”

“What a shame.” Mar obviously regretted it. She looked at Tina. “Would you . . . would you perhaps be willing to take a different time into consideration?”

“Into consideration?” Tina had to smile.

“Sorry,” Mar laughed lightly. “I’ve just got out of court. It’s affected my language somewhat. I’m a lawyer,” she added, in answer to the questioning expression on Tina’s face.

“A lawyer.” Tina looked at Mar in astonishment. “I wouldn’t have thought that.”

“Yes, it’s regrettable. In the meadow I didn’t have any business cards with me,” Mar smiled. “But then, I wouldn’t have had anything to carry them in.”

“Hardly a thing.” Tina suddenly had to laugh, as she thought of Mar naked in the meadow. Why did she feel so light and free all of a sudden? Just a moment ago she’d been so depressed.

“I see that you remember,” laughed Mar.

Tina tried to pull herself together. The thought of the lovely hours with Mar in the Rhine meadows really wasn’t the thing that she needed right now. She’d felt lonely, Genevieve had once again dumped her, and it had just happened. But it had no meaning. None at all.

Her body had felt attracted to Mar, reacted to her touch and enjoyed it, but her soul was occupied territory. She hadn’t gotten the feeling that Mar was interested in love, and that was a good thing, because she had none that she could have given her.

“I had almost forgotten,” she replied, lost in thought.

“Too bad,” said Mar. “I found it very beautiful, and I like to think of it now and again.”

“I . . . I’m sorry, Mar.” Tina turned around, but then it occurred to her that she would be going in the wrong direction, so she turned back to Mar again, gave a short glance at her and walked past her. Mar followed her with a couple of seconds’ delay, and caught up with her. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Nothing.” Tina briefly looked up at her, and then straight ahead along the pedestrian zone, at the path that was supposed to take her back to the office.

“You’re not OK,” Mar decided. “Or is it because of me that you’re so uncomfortable?”

“I’m not . . . uncomfortable,” Tina answered, irritated. How was her level of comfort any of Mar’s business?

“I disagree,” said Mar. “I mean, I don’t think that I’m the reason for that. Even if you actually didn’t want to see me again.”

“No, I didn’t.” Tina stood still and glared angrily at Mar. “Why don’t you leave me alone?” She remembered the feeling as they had kissed goodbye, as she had lay on Mar’s chest and had simply felt good. She hadn’t had that feeling in a long time, but Mar was not the woman she wanted to have that feeling with. She didn’t love Mar, and it was wrong to feel so good with someone you didn’t love. “I’ve already told you, I don’t want to see you again, and that’s the way it is,” she continued in irritation. “This meeting was just a silly coincidence, and we should forget about it as soon as possible.” She continued quickly on her way.

“I haven’t forgotten you since the meadows.” Mar overtook her with ease and stayed beside her. “You left a very deep impression on me. Why –” she hesitated. “Why did you do it?”

“What? Leave an impression?’ Tina broke into a dry laugh as she tried to walk even faster, but Mar was taller than she was and had longer legs. Tina would have had to run to get away from her. And even then . . . Mar seemed in good shape, she could still remember that very well.

“You know what I mean,” said Mar. “I asked you if I could kiss you. You only had to say no, and then nothing would have happened.” She took a deep breath. “If you dislike remembering it so much now. That must mean that you actually didn’t want to do all that.”

“You must be a good lawyer,” Tina replied bitingly. “Your cross-examination tactics show excellent skills.”

“I am a good lawyer,” Mar answered simply. “But that has nothing to do with it.”

“No?” Tina stood still. “Then you’re following me just because? Because you like to follow women who want to have nothing to do with you? Is that a problem with you? Or do you spend your leisure time as a stalker? Just to pass the time?”

Mar laughed lightly. “No. But apparently I’ve just started my career as a stalker with you. I’m sorry.” She turned to go. “I’m really sorry,” she repeated with a gentle look at Tina’s face, which stared back at her angrily. “That’s all.” Then she went away in the opposite direction.

Tina waited for a moment to see whether Mar would return – which she was secretly expecting, but it didn’t happen. She crossed the last bit of the pedestrian zone, walked past the large lawn in front of the University of Bonn where groups of students lay in the sun, and finally reached her office building on the other side.

She rushed up the stairs without waiting for the elevator. She was much too upset for that. The exertion was good for her, even if she was panting heavily when she finally reached her hallway.

“You in training for the Olympics or something?” Mechthild came towards her with a plump smile.

“I’m late,” answered Tina, still struggling slightly to catch her breath. “I wanted to be back from lunch on time.”

“Well, you weren’t, and she . . .” Mechthild pointed her thumb at the hall behind her, “noticed it quite a while ago anyway. You know how she is.”

Tina rolled her eyes. Her boss was not her favorite topic of conversation. “I better get to my desk.” She hurried along and quickly dropped into her chair in front of her computer. But not quickly enough.

“Ms. Bauer. Would you come over here for a moment?” The sound of that voice cut sharply through the air. Tina took a deep breath and attempted to collect herself. Today was really just not her day. First Genevieve, then Mar and now on top of it all . . . She got up and went over to her boss, who sat in a separate glass-walled compartment that allowed her to keep an eye on the entire open office.

“Would you explain your appearance?” her boss asked her.

Tina glanced down at herself and hastily stuffed her blouse back into her skirt. “Excuse me, I was running. I wanted to be back from the lunch break punctually.”

The boss shot a glance at the large clock on the wall. “You call this punctual?”

“No.” Tina let her gaze fall.

Ms. Ewers studied Tina from top to bottom. “If you’re going to use your lunch break for visits to a hot pillow by-the-hour hotel, then maybe you should plan it more thoroughly.”

“What?” Tina lifted her head in one sweep and glared at her boss.

Susanne Ewers compressed the corners of her mouth. “The way you look, you must have gotten dressed in an awful hurry.”

That was definitely going too far. “Even if that were the case,” Tina countered through tightly pressed lips, “that would be my private business. You can take the half hour off my vacation time.” She turned and went back to her desk. “Or from my overtime,” she added angrily. After all, she had plenty of that. It was understood that she often had to stay longer in the evening, but just come back once a little late from the lunch break . . .

She took a deep breath. If she really was looking as bad as her boss had indicated, then she should probably make a trip to the washroom to freshen up. If I at least had a reason for it, she thought. A reason other than just because I ran too fast. If only it were true what the old lady suspects. At least then I’d have had a little fun. She laughed a little bitterly as she went to the washroom. Mar would certainly not have minded.

Mar . . . She thought back to the encounter. Bonn was simply too small not to run into each other. Especially in the middle of the day when the whole city was on the move. She should have thought of that. But she only thought about Genevieve. She hadn’t wasted a single thought on Mar.

She looked at her flushed face in the mirror as she stood in front of the sink. So flushed that anyone could reasonably assume that she’d done more than just run quickly. She opened the faucet and splashed cold water on her face. It was pleasantly cool, but the heat came from within, not from outside. She was sweaty. She could have used a shower.

I should have taken one in the hotel where I was supposed to have been on a tryst, she though sarcastically. If that old bag knew how my love-life looks, she wouldn’t be coming up with ideas like that. Envious cow.

She had no idea what her boss had against her. Sometimes she that Ms. Ewers persecuted her for every possible little thing. None of her colleagues had to be as careful as she did. Tina couldn’t let herself be caught in the smallest misstep, or she would have to pay dearly for it.

It couldn’t be because of her work. Tina knew that she was better than lots of others who had less to fear from the boss’s moods. But nonetheless, she had to pay for everything, no matter if she was responsible or not. Her boss simply hated her, although Tina had never done anything to warrant it.

She dried her face, put her blouse back on and tried to substitute a paper towel dipped in cold water for the shower that wasn’t there. She shivered at the first touch. That really cooled her off.

After a while, she looked presentable again. At least no one could suspect this cool face of indecent activities. Although she never knew what to expect from her boss. She always found an excuse.

When she returned to her desk, she found that she had gotten an email. A warning. Her boss hadn’t forgiven her and hadn’t wasted any time showing it.

When Tina looked up again, the cold blue eyes were staring at her from the glass compartment as if she were already dead.