C7 Fighting Depression II

I just woke up now and discovered it’s still the middle of the night, I must have slept for just a few minutes. The fuckin crows making a stupid noise in the middle of the night is pissing me the fuck off, like I wish I had a bloody shotgun in the house with me, I will reluctantly open the bloody windows, comfortably pick out my target and fuckin shoot the bloody noisy twit back to oblivion where it belongs. That noise kwaaaa, kwaaaa, kwaaaa, I hate it and my mood right now I might take the fuckin alarm clock and stone the twit out. I manage to get my retarded ass to the living where I sat for a few minutes thinking about how my life is again I turned on the tv to watch something maybe if the tv is on then I can sleep. It was the direct opposite of what I wished for and wanted, I ended up watching a real violent movie about a gang land and a womanizer doing all he thought was right in his own eyes to survive and the more I watched the more I got to pick a thing or two that begins to corrupt my mind immediately. I kept telling myself you can do this, you can do that, it’s not like ladies like the current person you are and you can do better if you just try this shit out I told myself. I paid very good attention to all his behaviors, his swag and the way he spoke I became more intrigued by it all pretending to be him, I watched closely absorbing all that I could in.

I didn’t sleep that night filled with all this vile shit I just learned I watched porn a little bit to make myself happy and get my mind off all this crap I have filled my head with and believe me I don’t even know what brought the mood swing and this shit onto me. I know what you all are thinking and believe me you ain’t better than me, you all watch porn too, looking at me judging me like I’m a bad person fuck you too, pretending to be a fuckin saint all holy and good whereas you duck into a corner when anyone is not watching playing with your dicks and slapping your pussies around. I’m sorry for the wrong words spoken but it’s the truth and whether you like it or not I love porn. I have a special site I go to oh hell it has everything and it’s mostly huge guys pounding little short girls who love to be ridden hard, smacked in the butt and chocked out. Enough of that bullshit anyway, the next morning I got myself ready for work and was so down emotionally I didn’t have an appetite to eat, I got out the day and went on with my day buying myself a cup of coffee before heading to the bus station. I wished I had gone to my friend the janitor all this while but sometimes when things becomes so ugly and tough, you will not know what to do with yourself, just finding yourself in a position and situation where you keep making wrong choices. I got to the bus station and saw a beautiful young lady next to me sitting waiting patiently for the bus to arrive then I decided to experiment with what I have learnt. I spoke to her hey there beautiful, lovely morning we have today, the weather is a marvel to your beauty. She spoke not at first as I began to think to myself you are an idiot, probably the most stupid person I have ever met in my life, well that’s me insulting me again, damn I think I am crazy, maybe a little mad but I guess am fine also. A minute later she said to me thank you, my boyfriend said I looked like a horse this morning, I wanted to laugh at her words but I quickly controlled my stupid self has I said to her he must be an idiot, moving closer to her I gently stroke her hair to the sides watching her blush, I said to her wow, you look so beautiful. She smiled again blushing and giggling she said to me thank you but I was not doing all this because I wanted to complement her but was doing it because of the evil things I had in mind to practice and everything was working all fine according to plan. My bus arrived and I discovered we ain’t entering the same bus, she was waiting for the other one so I told her I will see her same time tomorrow. For some fuckin reason I was happy that day and I got to work a very happy chap. I went to my office to sit then all sort of things began to come into my head, I remembered everything that happened with the guy in the movie and thought about it too, maybe I should try that tomorrow, maybe I should not, should I wait a little bit more and use my time wisely or should I just go into second base and try to get her over then sleep with her just like the guy did. What a cunt I was sitting in my fuckin chair wasting valuable time away daydreaming about stupid shits till my boss burst into the door shouting, jerry, how you doing today fella, well the dates have been concluded on and you are the live the country with three days time to Kenya so pack your bags and be prepared, and one more thing you are going to be the head of operations out there since you have the brains more than doggten and ruka. At that point I was fuckin angry, in my mind I wanted to say you fuckin cunt, you stupid little shit, go fuck yourself and when you are done go fuck your mother you stupid waste of space. I could take it anymore and I was also thinking about what new phase of my life I was about to begin, the girl at the bus station, shit what the fuck, everything is just going wrong but I had everything all in my head and said yes sir thank you sir for the opportunity given. I was on my way home that evening when I came across rose who was more concerned about my wellbeing than even I was. She said to me Jeremiah, Jeremiah calling to me from afar but I couldn’t hear a single word she spoke until she came to tap me asking me what was wrong with me, are you ok, her boyfriend was in the car pressing the horn as I turned to see him, he was just like the last fool who took my fiancé from me, rich, wealthy and has all you can to sweep a woman off her feet. He shouted rose get in the car we are late and she gave me a peck on the cheek telling me she would see me tomorrow and I must not lock myself in. I felt a little better walking to the bus stop I sat there waiting in sober ness and pain thinking to myself how I’m going to survive out there.