C5 Five

Five fucking weeks pregnant? How? I’ve only been with one man.

Sydney Kings.

But he used condoms. Or not? Oh! My! Fucking! Gosh! How could I have been so careless? Now I have a baby inside of me? I touch my belly but I remember the bleeding.

“I was bleeding. What happened? Is it safe?” My heart is pounding so fast that I have to breathe in deeply.

“I’m sorry Ms Styles but you encountered a condition called ‘Vanishing Twin Syndrome.’ You had twins but you had a miscarriage and only one of them survived.” My heartbeat picks up again and I feel some pain in my chest. I am already a bad mother in a month into pregnancy.

I feel a tear drop to my cheeks but I wipe it so fast. My life is prone to disasters and I am used to it. Maybe I’m just a sucker for pain.

I might be ‘the tigress’ but this was too much. Another tear comes and I do the same but they become uncontrollable. “The cause couldn’t be identified since everything was perfectly fine.” I look at the doctor in disbelief.

“What do you mean you couldn’t identify the cause?” I want to scream. Should I tell him? No. the baby is mine. But he’s the father. He has a right to know. What if he denies it? What if he takes the baby and keeps it then sends me away?

“Ms Styles. This condition happens abruptly and sometimes the mother doesn’t even know that a baby has been miscarried. We’ve run tests on your blood but everything seems fine. Do you have any hereditary diseases or conditions?”

I have no medical records since I abruptly moved here. “Yes. A mild case of asthma. It last attacked when I was twelve years old and since then I have been fine. I was told my grandmother had it too.”

“Your mother has it too.” Mr Brown says in a low voice that I almost miss his words but I hear them.

“What? How do you know that?” His eyes widen slightly. “Um it is just a random thought.” He looks nervous and I nod but I know I would talk to him later. So many things aren’t adding up.

“Is my baby in danger?” Dr Greene gives me a small smile and produces a copy of something and gives it to me. At first I don't understand what it is until I see. the different shapes. A hand lifts to my mouth as tears of joy come to my eyes. It looks like a bean.

The doctor gives me some instructions and soon leaves me to rest since I feel so sleepy that I can’t take it anymore. Dreams of me telling Sydney about my child come to me.

I pace around the hospital room thinking of ways to tell Sydney Kings about the pregnancy. I somehow know he won’t take this so easily. I'm ready to be a mother. Heck! I have no job! I live in a shitty apartment. How can I raise a child? A thought of an abortion comes but I quickly dismiss the thought before it registers in my mind.

The hospital room door opens and Mr Brown comes in with a bag containing my clothes and toothbrush that I had asked him to bring. I go into the bathroom and change into my clothes. The bills are settled even though Mr Brown has insisted on doing it but I have refused. I'm not comfortable with him paying for my bills. I already have lots of questions to ask him.

As soon as Dr Greene gives me an okay to leave, I head straight out of the hospital. Mr Brown is behind me and I can’t help but feel irritated. I stop and turn to him. “Thank you Mr Brown for all the help and care you have given me but I can really take it from here. I assume you have lots of things to do.”

“Steven. Call me Steven. We are way passed the second names Isabella.” He gives me a small smile that looks odd since I never saw him smile but it makes him look a little bit friendly. “I know you have questions and we have to talk. Let’s get to my apartment and I will tell you everything you need to know.”

I really need to be answered but what if Mr …. Steven is a killer, or another psycho? But he's helped me twice when I was vulnerable. What if he’s stalking me? He mentioned my mother though. This was frustrating. I can use my moves on him if he tries anything.

I open my mouth to answer him but he beats me to it. “Maybe we could just talk in yours maybe you’ll feel better.” He must have noticed the conflict in my eyes. Everyone says I have very expressive eyes. I give him a grateful smile then follow him to his car.

The ride from the hospital is uncomfortable and to say I'm not anxious would be a big lie. I don't know what to expect but I try to keep my mind open. Thankfully after ten long minutes we are there. Steven gets into his apartment as he has to take some things that he needs to show me which gives me some time to get into some joggers and a loose shirt. I heat some milk in a glass which I take. I love milk and now I had cravings for milk. Ten minutes later Steven comes with a blue folder and sits on a love seat.

I take my glass of milk and settle on the opposite seat from him. “Who are you Steven Brown?” I look at his face. His face remains neutral. Does he have any emotions?

“I am Jason Styles." I gasp at that. We have the same last names. Is he...? "I am an undercover agent and I work for your family. Your mother specifically.” He takes out some papers from his folder and gives them to me. It has a picture of a middle age woman probably in her late forties, 47? She had brown hair slightly darker than mine and blue eyes just like mine and Jason's. I have her features and we resemble.

I stared at the photo for what seems like a millennium before I snap out of it. I look at the details. Her name Carolina Styles aged 46 and widowed. I looked up to see Stev…Jason looking at me.

“What is this?” I feel myself shake. I have a mother? But I was told my parents died. I grew up with shitty parents who died some years back. “What kind of joke is this Mr Styles?” That seems odd when I call him that but I say nothing. I place the half glass of milk on the coffee table before I stand.

“You have to calm down Isabella. You are pregnant, remember?" I feel so frustrated but I take in a deep breath until I feel calm.

“Please sit. I can’t explain anything if you are not calm.” I follow his instructions even though I don't want to. I’m really not good with instructions but for the sake of my coming baby I won’t risk. I already lost one.

I place my palm on my stomach as a reflex without thinking. “Carolina is my sister but I work for her.” He pauses looking at me. Waiting for a reaction. Jason Styles is my uncle. The first real family I've met. He seems young though. I nod for him to continue even though I can feel tears well up in my eyes. Stupid hormones.

“When you were five you were kidnapped when your mother met up with me in a mall. I went to get your mother’s gift from the car since it was her birthday but when I got back she looked so pale and she was everywhere looking for you. She said she was distracted by some tourists when they asked for some directions but when they left you were gone. Since then your mother wasn’t the same. She hated her birthdays. She got sick often because she never ate or even took care of herself.”

My heart is beating so fast. I was kidnapped? My mother is alive? Why would I be kidnapped? I looked up to look at my uncle. It felt strange to say that. He has tears running down his cheeks.

“Where is she now?” I ask the question that has been bugging me since I saw her picture. Jason exhales a large amount of breath.

“After some years she had so much stress levels triggering her asthma attacks. She survived them but after two years she got into depression. He shut herself from the world. She wouldn’t get out of her room and would stay for months in it. She had episodes where she would call you.” Jason stands from his seat and comes to mine and takes my hands into his.

“You are her world Isabella. Matthew died when she was eight months pregnant making her to go into shock and had an early labour. They had planned to get married a few months after your birth.” My mother had gone through so much. Tears come to my eyes and I can’t wipe them. I want to cry for my mother’s sufferings. To cry for the life that she’s gone through. To cry for the sufferings we both went through when we we’re apart.

“You we’re the only part she had of Matthew and so she loved you so much. Matthew was in the FBI. He was shot in one of his missions and died. Your mother had prepared the house for his coming since he was supposed to be back before your birthdate.” I let out a shaky breath.

Jason stood letting my hand fall back onto my laps.” Your mother is sick. Schizophrenia. She’s in a facility. Her mind isn’t fine. She started seeing you and took your dolls and cradled them and sang to them. She’s been there for two years now but she seems to be getting better. I came here to look for you and when I found you I had to look out for you before I could tell you anything.”