C13

one

In my miserable days of washing dishes, Voodoo Cannon somehow found out and came to see me at the hotel where I worked.

He was still wearing the same yellow jacket he had worn the day he kissed me.

He stood beside me, looking at me sadly, and just looking at me, saying nothing for a long, long time. In those long and thin eyes, was heartache, was it love, or was it uncontrollable longing?

"..."

"Why are we torturing ourselves like this?"

He stepped forward and took my rough, swollen, cold hands and begged me.

"Come back here!"

he pleaded. His expression made my heart ache, like a sharp knife, cutting through my already numb, sensitive heart …

"… …"

I looked at this man who was fifteen years older than me, this man who was like my father, my elder brother, this married husband who loved his student regardless of any consequences, and I wanted to immediately leap into his arms and kiss his upturned lips, telling him how I had missed him these past few days; telling him that my weak heart was on the verge of collapsing … Tell him he was supposed to be a big tree, sheltering his beloved from the elements and bringing me all the good things. However, he brought me endless trouble and insanity. Even though I was under the sun, being whipped by the piercing cold wind …

"..."

I cried, my lips trembling, unable to speak.

I looked at him resentfully, tears streaming down my face.

"… …"

If one were to say how much I miss him, how much I complain right now!

If one were to say how much I loved him, then at this moment, how much I hated him!

"..."

"You miss me, don't you?" he whispered, trying to please me.

He was able to see through my thoughts so easily. Of course, he was able to guess that I was worried about him …

"Do you only feel happy when you see that I've become a third person and have been despised by others?"

I told him maliciously.

He turned pale and fled as if struck by lightning.

"… …"

After that, Cannon never looked for me again.

I, on the other hand, continue to punish myself for my work every day.

I went back to school. Repeat every day of study, work, research, as full as possible all the time schedule, as small as possible my random space.

In the eyes of my classmates, living in the dorms of students, what has changed is that I only eat vegetarian food every day.

Gradually, I can't even smell the smell of pork and beef. When I smell it, I feel disgusted and want to vomit … In the eyes of my classmates, I became a real vegetarian.

For me, eating vegetarian food is a kind of reminiscence, a nostalgia for the past, a self-adjustment after the soul is torn apart

— — Among the vegetarian diet, there are the beautiful memories of my family, the love forbidden zone that I am not allowed to enter, but which I can still enjoy while chewing …

If I miss him, I'll eat vegetarian more piously, and then I'll go back to one beautiful moment in my chewing:

That kiss

the arguments, discussions, debates about literature

The figure that was always in front of me, always empty and real, always swaying in a trance in my dreams …

"… …"

two

"Actually, you can ignore me."

Griffin said, stirring the coffee with a spoon. Her meaning was clear: You can fall in love, you can …

I feel strange.

I looked around. The café was not crowded, and two elderly couples were quietly sipping coffee a short distance away. Their hair was gray. But judging from the expressions on their faces, they were still so close and harmonious.

How many couples would there be in this world, to be able to grow old and never leave each other? I stared at the two old people, stunned. One of them is sitting right in front of me. Her face is filled with age spots and her fair face is like a rag dyed with oil. From the looks of it, she isn't that pleasing to the eyes … However, the spirited old man sitting opposite her seemed to be facing a flower, laughing and admiring from the bottom of his heart. I sorrowfully thought, when I get old, will I also become like this?

Ever since I left the Vancouver family, blanking out had somehow become an important part of my daily life. Perhaps, it is because I have many unrealizable dreams and wishes that I can slowly dilute, dissolve, and put down in a daze …

The cafe was opened by a Frenchman and was decorated in a very Romantic French style. At the moment, the tape recorder was playing Tums, a famous rock and roll by a modern Australian Christian singer and creator: "Feel." A large number of strings in the melody formed the accompaniment's melody theme. The overall effect was very outstanding, vividly bringing out the feelings of facing the mountain and facing the sea without any fear …

Though I didn't do anything. But it was an indisputable fact that Cannon had had second thoughts. From the point of view of marriage, she should see me as the third party to her happiness, the rival to her family. But she told me that I could fall in love with Vernon, her husband, regardless of her feelings.

"..."

I didn't say anything. I don't know how to deal with her magnanimity. I am in a contradiction.

… …

Only now did I understand that love doesn't make sense.

Love, will not just because you are a good person, will get the love you want.

In the same way, falling in love wouldn't result in you getting what you longed for just because your face was especially beautiful.

Love was only a unique feeling of mind and mind. Moreover, this feeling was unreasonable, rampant, illogical, and even irregular. When it unexpectedly landed between a couple, it was like a raging inferno. Whether it was right or wrong, they would be completely ignored by it …

She must have understood that. That was why she was calm. I thought.

"Please help me!" she said again.

She had shamelessly sought out her love rival for help. Had something big happened?

I still didn't speak. Give her a questioning look.

"He got into a serious traffic accident yesterday and is currently in the hospital to save her. While unconscious, he kept calling out your name …" She looked at me pitifully, almost begging …

"Please come to my house, you cannot be separated from Cannon! I need you too! "No," she said.

"You are a good girl, a sensible and good girl, I believe in you." "No," she said.