C28 Chapter 28

Outside the court, Zane hailed a cab and instructed the driver to take him to his house. On the way, he changed his mind and instructed the driver to take him to Amanda’s place.

When Zane arrived he paid the driver and stepped up to the house. He knocked on the door and waited.

Amanda opened the door and looked surprised.

“What are you doing here?”

“Can I come in?” Zane asked.

“Sorry, sure come in,” Amanda said and stepped back to let Zane enter. She closed the door behind him and showed him to the living room. Amanda offered him a seat but he was too tightly wound to sit down. Zane crossed to the sliding doors that led out to the back yard.

“Can I get you something to drink?”

“Whisky would be great,” Zane said turning to face Amanda.

She crossed to a cabinet against the wall and removed a glass and a bottle of Jack Daniels. She placed it on the coffee table.

“Help yourself,” she said. “I’ll get some ice.” She left the room briefly and Zane turned to look out at the garden again. It had changed so much since he had last seen it ten years before. Nevertheless, it was still impeccably maintained. He cringed as he thought of his excuse for a garden compared to the one he was looking at.

Then he asked himself how he could be concerned with such trivial things when he had so many more important things to do.

Amanda returned with an ice bucket and Zane poured himself a stiff drink.

“Why have you come?” Amanda asked.

Zane studied Amanda. “Don’t go. Please. Stay a while longer. Be with me. We can get through this together Amanda. I’ve pled guilty and I’m free. Everything will go away with time. It always does. Don’t walk away from me Amanda.”

Amanda crossed her arms as she studied Zane.

“I don’t have much of a choice Zane. My career is not here. As a model, I’m in the spotlight regularly. If you join me and the public realizes we’re together what are people going to say? What are agents going to say? You have no idea how fast I will contracts and jobs canceled just because I am associated with you.”

“Oh c’mon Amanda. That’s not true. You’re overthinking things…”

“Overthinking?” Amanda interrupted. “You pled guilty to being involved in something that resulted in the deaths of how many youths in drive-by shootings. Youths, Zane. Surely you understand how the world views violence against children. That will forever stick with you. You have been romantically linked to the woman responsible. They have pictures of you and her and what about all the drugs at your house, not to mention that you plea-bargained for your freedom. Can you stop for a minute and think about what it looks like to the parents of those kids? Did it cross your mind that when they hear you’ve been released they’ll be furious? They’ll be baying for your blood, Zane. They’ll want justice especially now that the justice system has released the man responsible for the deaths of their children. The justice system has failed them and showed them just how little value they place on the lives of those kids…”

“I didn’t plead guilty to killing those kids!” Zane defended. “I pled guilty to aiding and abetting a criminal and obstruction of justice.”

Do you think that’s what the media are going to focus on? They will spin their stories to say that you pled guilty. It’s enough. It’s all they want the world to know. It’s all the corrupt police officers wanted. No-ones going to give you a chance to explain what exactly you pled guilty to. The damage is done. If I was you, I’d be looking over my shoulder the rest of my life.”

“Well that’s my problem then isn’t it,” Zane said in frustration.

“You’re right about that. It is your problem and there’s no way in hell you’re making it mine!”

Zane looked at Amanda speechless. She was cold. She was different. Very different from the woman he had known a little over a day ago.

“Please, Amanda,” Zane said. “Just give it time. It all seems so bad right now. In time it will go away. Life goes on.”

“I don’t know, Zane,” Amanda replied. She looked like she wished there was an alternative. “I have to go back, and I can’t go back with you.”

“We can find a way…” Zane pleaded in a whisper.

Amanda shook her head as her eyes began to glisten with tears. “I don’t see it,” she whispered as she shook her head. “When we ended ten years ago, I felt as if my world had ended. I swore I’d never love anyone again the way I loved you. And I guess the fact that I’m still not married is testament to that. I’ve never thought about it but seeing you again, making love to you again, being with you again has brought everything back to me just like old times. It’s like we never ended.”

“So don’t end it,” Zane whispered.

Amanda shook her head again, “When we broke up, I hated my father so much. I didn’t speak to him for months but I finally forgave him. But maybe he was right. Maybe this what he saw when he stopped us from getting married. He knew things like this happen and he wanted to protect me from it. He did what he did because he loved me so much. And now I’m beginning to think he was right.”

Zane finished his drink and placed his glass on the table. He moved forward and stopped in front of Amanda making her have to look up at him.

“I always loved you, Amanda. I’ve never wanted anyone the way I wanted you. In my job, I’ve never screwed up until now. I know it was a mistake but I had nothing to do with those kids' deaths.”

“I know that Zane. You don’t need to convince me. Please understand why we can’t be together now. I know you do. You have to accept it. It’s hard for me to accept. Do you think I want to bow to the pressure of the public? Of course not. But sadly they have the power to direct the public’s sentiment. And they’ll take me down with you. It’s not fair to expect that Zane.”

Zane was silent. He looked around the room and finally his gaze returned to Amanda’s. He lifted his hands and gently took her face in his hands. She closed her eyes as he did so.

“I love you,” he whispered. Then he bent and kissed her softly before pulling her into an embrace with him. She hesitated only briefly and then wrapped her arms around him as he pulled her close.

Amanda felt Zane’s warmth and smelled his cologne as she held him tightly. Tears flowed from her eyes as she rested her head against his chest. She felt his gentle hands as they stroked her hair and longed for this moment never to end. She made no move to end the embrace and they stood locked together like that for a long time until finally, reluctantly, Zane released Amanda and gently pushed her away.

He looked into her eyes and she returned his gaze without a word. Then finally Zane spoke.

“Goodbye Amanda,” Zane said his voice little more than a whisper.

Zane stepped around Amanda who didn’t answer and crossed to the door. He opened the door and stepped out. He looked back at Amanda briefly before he closed the door behind him. Zane stepped off the porch and walked down the drive toward the main road as he called a cab. He did not look back.