C18 Ryan

I went through every memory of Aria. Her smile, her laugh, her witty sense of humor. I even loved the way she panicked when she tried to lie. She always set her friends up for success; If you were friends with Aria, you walked through life feeling empowered and knowing exactly where to go if the world knocked you down. That was Aria, my best friend, the girl who stole my heart. The girl who made my heartbeat speed up when she walked into a room.

She was the girl who made me forget my thoughts when she walked away. She was the one who sashayed into my dreams and starred in every fantasy. Her soft skin, long coily hair that laid across the right side of her face, her petite, curvy body made me roar at night. Hours passed as I thought of her, the girl I love, the girl I was giving up. When I opened my eyes, I was lying in bed. I wasn’t sure how I got there last I remembered I was clutching onto my mother, but then, I didn’t care much. I drifted back to sleep. Much of the next day had already passed when Aria called, talking fast.

“I’m on my way over with a bunch of books I picked up from the library. I skimmed through most of them, and they are all a little different. You know how that goes, have ten people tell the same story, you will get ten different stories.” Was she breathing? “I figured we could compare them to the letters and photos and stuff in your father’s things. Gosh, you know I must love you if I am going up in that attic again. It’s creepy up there, and I am still holding you accountable if a mama squirrel attacks. Oh my gosh, I’m talking faster than an auctioneer. I’m sorry, I guess this all makes me a little anxious! But don’t worry, I’m not afraid. We will figure this all out together. I’m not abandoning you, Ryan, I lo-”

“Aria,” I paused, making sure she stopped talking. “hurry; we need to talk. In-person.”

Aria rushed into the house, dropping her bags at the threshold. “Ryan, I’m here. Where are you?” She raced through the house. Mys tone on the phone was calm but cold. Aria didn’t know what I needed to talk about, but I know she knew it wasn’t good news. Anxiety usually made her run away into the quiet shadows, masked with laughter.

This time anxiety and curiosity flashed into her, guiding her ever forward to me, her heart’s mate. She knew my secrets, every one of them, and she didn’t take that knowledge lightly. Aria held it with care and nurtured it; she nurtured me. Whatever dire information we uncovered, whatever emotions that information drew from me, she intended to pull me through it.

I met her in the kitchen’s archway leading to the hallway of my bedroom. “Ari-” She engulfed me in a kiss so full of emotions, I couldn’t make them all out. She squeezed her arms around my neck tighter, pulling me closer as if there were still space to close between us. Aria kissed my jawline, then again and again, drawing closer to my ear. I pulled in a breath and held it.

“Whatever it is, we will get through it. Together.” She grabbed me by the hand and led me to the room, locking the door behind us. “How much does your mother know?”

“Everything.” I hung my head, unable to meet her intense gaze. The kiss ignited a fire in me, but I knew I had to extinguish it and quickly. Aria’s safety was more important. If I looked into her sparkling, longing eyes, my desire would burst into flames that would have to burn out from satisfaction. “Aria, we-” I took a deep breath, “I-I need to keep the people I-.” Another deep breath. “Aria, I’m danger-”

“I trust you.” Her hand gently pressed against my chest, fanning the flames. I pushed her hand away and searched the ground, weary of her hurt haunting me.

“I don’t trust myself, not yet. Stay away from me until I’m in complete control when I turn.” I didn’t have to look at her to know how she felt. The jerking of the bed told me enough. When I sensed her pacing the floor, choosing her words, I stole a glance. I wanted, needed, one last look before I left her behind. I didn’t know how long it would take to gain control, but I knew I couldn’t be the reason she got hurt or worse. I survived my father’s attack and his death, but I didn’t think I could survive Aria’s. My palms were sweaty, so I tried to wipe them on my pants. I choked down the tears, trying to swell up.

“You don’t have to do this alone.” I quickly turned away before our eyes could meet. She froze, silently choking on air. She knew I was just trying to keep her safe but, not looking at her, I know that hurt. She sank to the floor, consumed by her vulnerability. Her heart was wide open, welcoming my overwhelming love, and I wanted her to leave.

She was my journal that was now full to the brim. Like all journals, she was being tossed into a box until I wanted to relive my distant memories. A tear dropped onto her hand; that was all she allowed to fall. Aria wasn’t one for vulnerabilities, and she cursed herself for crying on the floor. She wiped the dampness from her face and stood to her feet with confidence. “If you want to be done with me, just say that. Don’t sugarcoat and leave me clinging to you by a thread. I’m not an object you can take on and off the shelf at your whim. Either you want me, or you don’t! Which is it!”

She was throwing down the gauntlet. Either we went through this together, or there would be no together. Our hearts thumped in chorus to the same song, and our chests heaved and danced to it. Our eyes met, locked, and a thousand words exchanged in our gaze. I spent my entire life playing hero, protecting who I subconsciously sensed as weak. Aria was quickly shifting that view. She stared me down as she crept closer.

“Which is it MacGregor, do you want me or not?” It came out in a sultry whisper; an invitation wrapped up in unrecognizable confidence. Something inside her was changing, growing stronger, bolder. I could see that she had made up in her mind she wasn’t leaving me. My hero complex would not stop her. If I let it, the beast could kill me. If not physically, emotionally. I needed an anchor I could trust to stay firmly in the ground, immovable, unshakable. Strong. That was her; it had always been.

She was straddling me now, still staring into my dull green eyes. She leaned in as if to kiss me, smiled, and leaned in further toward my ear. Her lips grazed my skin, and I let out a shaky breath. “I have a secret of my own that may help you decide.” She nipped my ear and then walked out of the room. She smiled over her shoulder as she sashayed away, knowing I was watching her leave.

My heart was pumping like a war drum, summoning soldiers to the battlefield. I wanted to chase her, but my mind was still processing a secret of my own. Not to mention my second head was at attention, answering the call of my heart; blood flooding through me like hot lava in a volcano. My skin dampened with sweat, and I ached to feel her body on top of me again. Aria had always been sexy to me without all this confidence, but she was now blowing my mind. She had erased my fear-led thoughts of her safety and replaced them with thoughts of our skin sliding together, bodies moving in tandem, my lips exploring every inch of her body. I closed my eyes and jumped into the fantasy.

“Is it me you see when you close your eyes?”

I jumped, hands instinctively covering myself. I relaxed a little when I saw the book in her hand. She handed it to me, encouraging me to read it. “A Grimoire?” Aria didn’t answer; the confidence was fading. She sat next to me, slumping her shoulders. “Healing? Where did you get this?”

“It’s mine, well, my families.” She furrowed her eyebrows, tight, her frown deep, waiting for me to kick her out, I assume.