C8 A slap

Now what !! I asked myslef after passing two story buildings , I have been walking on my way home , I have even started to feel guilty, I wish I couldn't have gotten out today , I wish I went out with a driver , I would have been home by now .

I think , I would have avoided all this , I murmured but at the same time why should I be dependant? I am a complete human right? And I can do this on my own !! After all a little walk doesn't hurt . Does it ?

Exactly!! Conquer your fears , i heard the voice in my head saying to me .

I felt so sick , I don't even understand myslef , I don't understand why this voice exists inside my head , and why now !! Why now?

Why not years ago ,

I will never be able to accept that I have a second living voice inside my head , talking and replying to me like I am something like... I don't know !!

A computer?

Silly me !! I mumbled and giggled a little. It was really late but I was grateful seeing that there were alot of people still walking here and there . In a far I saw the mansion .

I was home , I squealed with excitement, our neighbourhood was extremely quite but the good thing is that people were there walking here and there , others were walking their dogs, some were jogging !

It's around 8pm , I can't belive my self. I don't know how my parents are going to react . Are they worried about me ? Is mom worried too ? Is she crying wanting me back home ? I really want to know .

I just want to know how it feel when your mom gets worried sick and she shows it with her facial expression, I am not trying to be ungrateful but I just ... I yearn for her careness, i want to be close to her just like how I am close to dad .

But she closes her boundaries with me , and I don't know why ,

She loves me , I know that ! But .. but her love is different I believe, but I also have a dad who cares and shows me all what I wanted to have and see in him, love and affection and his care .

" I am his princess and nothing can change that !"

I ringed the bell after I reached home , the watchman came and opened the door after looking at me ,

Oh my god! People are going nuts looking for you madam , The drivers have been sent out to go look for you , " Come in, come in , go before your dad snaps to everyone of us !!"

He is worried sick , he says to me ! What about mom ? Is .. she worried too !!? Is she worried about me ? I whispred to him .

He stayed slient and nudged me to get inside , I walked slowly to the house and opened the front door , the lights were dim.

I averted my gaze on the floor , I wasn't prepared to meet my dad's angry face. Oh my goodness ! Thank god my dear , you are home!! I heard my dad's worried face .

He came to me and hugged me tightly and kissed my forehead, he took his phone and called some one , I didn't want to know who he was calling .

Oh my god !! Princess , you have got me worried , he was frustrated, I couid see that, I am sorry dad !! I am sorry I made you worried

Tears streamed down my face as I felt how stupid I was and how desperate I was to feel my mom's affection.

I feel so stupid!! I tell him truthfully, please don't say that darling , I am glad that you are okay and .. and that you are getting better .

I know you have been trying to prove to us that you.. you can protect yourself alone , by standing on your own grounds!! He kissed my cheek and ruffled my hair .

I am proud of you darling," he whispered and embraced my body . "

Thank you dad for understanding.

In que , I felt my body being turned and a tight echoing slap was heard on the house as it landed on my cheek .

How dare you !! You stupid frog how dare you leave the house and make my husband worried !!?

Casandra !! Dad yelled and pulled me off from my mom's wrath , don't you ever dare lay your hands on our daughter!! Ever !!

It's like I was numb, I felt numb all of a sudden. I am sorry!! I tell her with tears .

You better be , you can't change, you will always be the way you are Amelia , stop trying and giving us a heart attack,

You know the condition which you are in but you still can't accept who you are !! She spat .

Stop it cassandra !! Just stop it!! How dare you talk to her like that ? Huh ! Can't you see that she has been affected by all what's happening?

Do you think she likes being what you are referring her to be ? She wants to be normal !! She wants to get normal like other adults . Please stop throwing your lewd comments to her , this isn't her fault!!

Can't you have any compassion , for goodness sake she is your daughter !! My dad yelled . It's okay dad , I tell him .

M..mom is right !! I shouldn't make any of you worried . No darling, please don't listen to her, you can and you will fight this. He says and embraced me after I broke down crying .

Get your face out of my sight, you disgust me sometimes cassandra !! Dad spat , I could feel my whole body shivering and trembling .

" listen to me princess , your mom loves you , she just doesn't know how to show her affection like how I do ." Please understand her , she has been worried but she will understand you if not now then later , I am sure she will .

I know dad , I know !! I replied to him .

I walked to my room after some few minutes and went directly to my bathroom. " I hate this feeling of being insecure and vulnerable at the same time. "

It feels like my heart wants to be torn into pieces , or am I being selfish asking for my mom's attention. ?

Her attention clearly is really rare to me or almost she had never given me her attention , all she cares is her reputation and how I should behave around people .

Stop it !! You are going to make me burst with all of your thoughts inside this thick head of yours, I heard the voice inside my head telling me making me go stiff like always !!

I closed my eyes and soon I stripped and walked to the bathtub, shit !! I cursed after seeing my periods . How didn't I know about this , I mumbled and entered inside the bathtub.

I took my time, scrubbing my skin and after some good minutes of playing with the bubbles and humming some soft tunes, I went out and rinsed my body.

I feel so relaxed, I went out and went directly to my closet, took my pajams and took my pad , I felt so clean and fresh .

I went to the kitchen and took some milk from the fridge and some " dattes!!" I devoured them after all I was really hungry .

My thoughts shifted on what happned today at the police station, Marcus !! I murmured his name and felt blushing , my cheeks reddened , he was handsome . I shaked my head shooing away the stupid thoughts .

Soon I went back to my room for a good night sleep . I wish to wake up and find all my problems solved before the sun shines , i mumbled before closing my eyes .

"That's a very hard wish and request to make , " I am not sure if it's the voice in my head or my subconscious replying to me .