C11 Truth

Lily

Reaching home, I took up Lisa's food, warming it to eat. Fortunately, just like before steak was amongst it, and I relished every bite.

From eating to rearranging my place slightly, I had done everything until there were no other options.

I stalled my decision for long enough.

My fingers twitched toward my phone on the bedside table.

My heart raced with trepidation, the weight of the decision to tell them hanging heavy in the air. I hesitated, my finger hovered just above the screen. I convinced myself that I would make the calls tonight, but now, at this moment, hesitation gripped me.

Perhaps I could do this another time, I wondered. Maybe they were asleep. Especially Malina, who was also busy with her own job.

All my thoughts fell flat. Excuses. That was all it was.

I couldn't delay this any longer.

Taking a deep breath, I finally dialled my mother's number first.

“Hey baby.” her voice was weary yet warm, filling me with nostalgia.

I hadn't spoken to my mother since I began working. Now hearing her voice, my confidence wavered.

“Hi mom." I gasped out, hesitation freezing me.

“How are you doing?" I asked, trying and failing to shake off my nerves.

“Same old over here.” she replied, chuckling.

“Congrats on your new job by the way. I didn't get the chance to talk to you before. I hope you're doing well, and Marina is fine too." She sounded so happy.

“Yes she is." I rushed out, the feeling growing bigger.

I could have diverted, but if I did, I was sure to lose any chance I had to tell her the truth.

‘You can do this Lily.’ I thought to myself, sucking in a breath.

"M-Mom, there's something I need to tell you," I began hesitantly.

“You sound so serious. What is it?” The concern laced in her voice made it even harder to think.

I took a deep breath, my heart racing.

"Mom, I'm... I'm pregnant."

‘There.’ I said it.

There was a moment of silence that seemed to stretch on forever. I had never joked or played any pranks on her, so I was sure she knew no doubt that I was serious.

"What?” she finally broke the silence, disbelief in her tone.

I nodded even though she couldn't see me. Swallowing the limp in my throat I affirmed it.

"Yes, Mom."

After a short silence, she spoke "How did this happen?"

It was just like her, getting straight to the point.

I gave her a brief summary, wavering as I got to the topic of the father.

“I don't know.” I settled for, swallowing against the venom of my lies.

She didn't budge nonetheless, "Lily, are you telling me everything? You know you can't hide anything from me."

“Yes mom. That's everything.” I repeated. I shut my eyes, silent apologies ringing in my head.

“Do you want to keep it?” her question was like a guillotine, the one thing i had tried avoiding.

My rational side would argue against doing so. After all, it would jeopardise my work and child

But…

“I don't know, but….I think so." I finally let out.

There was a heavy pause, and I could feel the weight of the silence with every second that passed.

"Lily,” I straightened once she spoke, bracing myself for the worst.

“I…I don't know what to say." She gasped, making me contrite.

“I would never have expected you to…."

‘Be so stupid? Careless?’ Tears welled up in my eyes. Even though her words weren't complete, the disappointment was all the same. The silent welts of shame coursed through me for disappointing her was nearly overwhelming.

It was even more jarring coming from her. My father had left not long after she gave birth to me, abandoning us out of the blue. Suddenly, she had been forced to take on the load of a parent.

Though she tried hiding the truth from me when I was younger, I pieced it all together till she finally confirmed it after I turned 18.

It was why I feared telling her. Knowing that I was in a similar if not worse predicament would make her disappointed.

But then, amidst the pain, she surprised me with her next words. "But, I'm glad you told me. And I know you must be going through a lot taking all this in."

I gasped, a rush of feelings coursing through me. It was one thing for another person to say it , but it was different when it came to her.

“No matter what decision you make, I'll support you the best I can over here. And just remember, you always have a home to return to.”

Her unexpected understanding and warmth brought a ray of hope into my heart. I was still processing my own feelings about this pregnancy, but knowing that my mother was there for me made a world of difference.

"Thank you, Mom." I replied, a small smile tugging at my lips.

We continued to talk, and as the conversation flowed, I began to feel a glimmer of acceptance and hope amidst the initial disappointment.

After talking to her for what felt like hours, relief washed over me.

I closed my eyes, attempting to sort through the jumble of emotions. Anxiety, fear, acceptance—it was all there, a swirling mix of feelings that threatened to engulf me.

I called Malina soon after, breaking the news to her with less worry than before. She was angry and in disbelief at first, but just like my mother, softened and promised support.

Unlike my mother however, she pieced together without an explanation.

“It was the mystery birthday man wasn't it? And you don't remember him at all?”

I bit my lip, guilt gnawing at me “No. I don't want to think about it now. There's no turning back the clock.”

I thought back to Alexander, stifling the hurt I felt regarding him.

“You're right,” Malina sighed, thankfully letting go of the topic

"Just promise me you'll take care of yourself."

"I will," I promised.

"Okay then," Malina said, her tone lightening. “You've got this, Lily."

As we said our goodbyes, I was far lighter than before.

A problem shared was half solved, and that rang true now more than ever. With the support of the two closest people to me, I felt invincible at this moment.

I rolled onto my side, my hand instinctively drifting to my belly, where the tiny life inside me was slowly growing.

For now, I would focus on taking care of myself. The decision of whether to tell Alexander could wait.

"I'll do my best." I murmured, my eyelids growing heavier. Hope and relief drew me to sleep.

The path ahead might be uncertain, but one thing was clear—I would do everything in my power to ensure our future.

…..

By the next day, I woke up relieved and lighter than ever. I navigated through work while carrying the secret of my pregnancy.

Morning sickness was a constant companion. Now aware of what It was, it wasn't hard to find remedies that helped ease the reflux.

Even then though, the queasiness would strike at the most inconvenient times, leaving me rushing into the restroom. The physical toll sapped my energy and my body worked tirelessly through the day.

Still I carried on. I couldn't afford for anyone to catch on; my job and livelihood depended on it after all.

But at times, in the privacy of my office, I placed my hand on my belly to remind myself of the new life I was growing inside.

Two days had passed since then, and everything was going just fine.

“Hello Miss Grace.” I almost jumped but quickly recovered, spinning around to meet a familiar face.

I was going to retrieve a set of documents that needed urgent signing from Alexander. For the first time since, I needed to face him once again.

It took a while for me to compose myself, ignoring the hollow ache that came every time I recalled his words. The reminder of his fatherhood made it even more daunting. In the end I focused on the life inside me.

For myself and for the child, I would face him.

I walked up to his office, but I didn't expect to find his door locked, nor did I expect to find Emily, the same woman I met in the beginning.

“Please ma'am, Lily is fine.” I smiled.

“Of course…” she nodded, her eyes trailing down. For a moment I could have sworn that she looked at my belly, but in a flash it was gone.

“You're looking for Alexander?” she asked, raising her eyebrow.

I blinked, put off by the informal calling before pushing it away.

“Yes." I said, holding the documents higher in emphasis.

In return she smiled slightly.

“I believe he's in Mr Collins' office. Just hold on. I'm sure he'll arrive soon.” she said, passing an assuring smile.

Silently I agreed with a nod. Once she was out of sight, I did as she said, standing by his door for his return.

Minutes passed by aggravatingly. The more I waited the more the ache in my back grew until I couldn't take it anymore.

If he was in Mr Collins office, then I would go there.

My body ached as I made my way there, recalling the path till I successfully reached the door.

The stack of documents I held felt heavier with every passing second. I strained against it, preparing to knock when a sound stopped me.

The muffled voices emanated against the door and I could vaguely hear them. It felt like they were having a heated conversation.

‘No.' I instantly berated myself. It wasn't like me to eavesdrop, no matter how curious I was. Hefting the documents up I turned away.

"Ab…Lillian-"

I stopped in my tracks immediately.

Did they just…call my name?