C9 Fears and Mistakes

Lily

It was as though time had ground to a halt. I found myself trapped in a nightmarish reality that I couldn't escape.

Panic surged within me, twisting my gut into knots as I struggled to comprehend it.

My hands shook uncontrollably as I tried to process what had just happened.

My mind coursed through in denial. Maybe the test was wrong? Maybe there was a mistake somewhere?

But deep down, I knew the truth. The symptoms… I couldn't ignore them any longer.

The dam of emotions that I'd been holding back burst. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I bit down hard on my trembling lip, desperately trying to stifle the sobs threatening to escape.

‘I was pregnant.’ The thought echoed in my mind.

How could I have been so careless? I'd barely remembered anything else of that night, not even whether he'd used protection. Like a fool, I had forgotten about it.

I had dreams. Heading into this city for college and then for work. I had left my home so I could be successful, so I could take care of my family. How would I do that now?

My thoughts turned to my mother, who raised me on her own. How would she react to this news? She had been through so much already, and the idea of burdening her with this added weight filled my heart with guilt and dread. Would she be disappointed? Angry? Worried?

What about Malina?

What was I supposed to do now?

The uncertainty gnawed at me with every question, pushing me to the brink.

The bathroom tiles felt icy beneath me, but the turmoil within was far colder. I was trapped in a whirlwind of emotions, unable to escape the gravity of the situation.

Shutting my eyes, I let it all out in silent sobs, my throat aching with every noise.

In one night, my entire life's trajectory had changed altogether. What could I do?

As the tears streamed down my face and I choked back my sobs, I knew that there was no turning back.

This was my reality now—a reality that I had to face, no matter how unprepared or terrified I felt.

The future seemed shrouded in darkness, and I had no answers, no clear path forward.

I curled in on myself, sobbing with each thought that flew through my mind. The cold air drew me in with every sob. Slowly, I found myself slipping, but felt too tired to stop it. Somewhere between crying, I drifted off.

My eyes cracked open to meet the bathroom wall, my lips dry and eyes hurting. For a moment confusion hit me as to why I was there.

Then I looked down at the pregnancy test I held and everything came crashing down again.

The worries resurfaced, vivid and unforgiving. I blinked to the same harsh reality, and my heart weighed heavy in my chest.

It wasn't a dream. I was pregnant.

My body aches as I stood up from the bathroom floor. I vaguely realised how unhygienic and uncomfortable it was, but I didn't care.

Looking in the mirror, I faced the mess I was in. My hair was in disarray, my eyes swollen from crying and my skin was flushed with marks where I had slept.

My hand trailed down to my belly, still flat underneath my top. A life was there now.

My mind raced with all the options. I couldn't deny it or wish the child away? What was I supposed to do next?

A sharp sound startled me. I relaxed once I recognized it. It was my alarm.

‘Oh.’ I sighed, despair washing over me at the reminder that I still had to go to work today.

Like a thunderbolt, another thought struck.

Alexander.

Alexander Sinclair. My boss. My one night stand.

And the father of the baby I was carrying.

He was harsh and distant and I barely even knew him. He didn't even remember me.

‘Should I tell him?’ I swallowed thickly at the thought.

If he didn't even remember me, what were the chances that he would believe it?

I heard of cases like that, even portrayed in books and TV. How women trap or attempt to trap rich men by claiming pregnancy for their child. They were always portrayed as gold diggers, desperate for money or wealth or prestige.

Was that how he was going to see me? I thought in cold sweat. If I told anyone else, even Malina, would she believe me?

And what about my job then?

The ringing alarm brought me back to reality. There was no longer time to think about it. I had to go to work.

My mind was a whirlwind of doubts and fears as I went about my morning routine.

As I stepped out of my apartment, the world continued with its usual hustle and bustle, oblivious to the turmoil within me. I was the only thing that changed.

My footsteps felt heavy as I made my way to work, the path I had treaded countless times before now seeming foreign and uncertain.

The office greeted me with its usual routine, but my mind was anything but focused. I could barely focus on any task I did, floating through it. It was only in bouts of realisation that I noticed my errors. From printing the wrong documents to recording the wrong schedule. Thankfully I fixed them once I'd realised which took even longer.

‘Come on, Lily.’ I scolded myself. A mix of frustration and self bIame was welling up inside me. With every mistake I made, my anxiety grew along with anger aimed towards myself.

Yet, no matter how hard I tried concentrating, I couldn't escape the relentless doubts that consumed me.

The minutes dragged on, and my anxiety grew with each passing moment. It felt like I was struggling on pins and needles with every task.

My thoughts screeched to a halt as I read the memo on my laptop, my heart sinking like a stone.

‘Meeting at 1:30 today.’ The message stated all the other details, but I was too engrossed in the news.

A meeting? I didn't know there was supposed to be a meeting today.

And Alexander was going to be there.

Panic coursed through me as I spotted the timeline. The message was sent last night. I hadn't even checked my emails.

I looked at the time. It was 1:19. I had only ten minutes to arrange everything.

My hands trembled as I gathered my things, my mind racing with a mix of anxiety and dread. I couldn't afford to mess this up, not with my job hanging in the balance.

I rushed, taking out the necessary documents to print all the extra copies. Adrenaline pushed me forward.

By the time I reached there was nobody else in sight. I quickly arranged them all in place before taking my seat, out of sight of the other people, where I would write the memo. breathing slowly to ease the burn in my lungs.

In less than a minute, other people arrived, taking their seats with curt greetings.

Relief flooded me as I relaxed. Perhaps luck was in my side.

Alexander's arrival made me look away, The familiar reminder of my predicament ringing freshly.

“Let's get down to business.” his voice rang.

Like a switch, low murmurs of assent came as they began, followed by the sound of the documents flipping.

I prepared to record the meeting, keeping my ear out when suddenly, everything fell silent.

It was too silent. I looked at the members to find their brows furrowed as they saw the document. What was confusing about that?

I still had a copy on the table near me. Taking it out, I flipped it.

‘What on earth could be wrong?’ I thought, before I spotted it.

I mixed in the wrong documents.

I looked up to find several gazes on me, heat growing in my cheeks in dread and pure humiliation. I looked towards Alexander, who sat impassively, not even staring at me.

Whether or not he did, the truth still rang clear.

I'd messed up, and in doing so embarrassed myself in front of important people.

“Let's continue." He said, waving it away. Like a switch, everyone else followed along with his order, looking away. The tension soon eased, but my mistake didn't fade in my mind.

As the meeting progressed, the mistake looked over me. I misspelt words, mixed up names, and struggled to keep up with the discussion.

By the time the meeting concluded, my nerves were frazzled, and every part of me ached, both physically and mentally. I was hanging on by a thread.

A knot remained in my throat. I avoided people's glances as they passed me. I collected my notes, my hands trembling from the accumulated stress.

“Miss Grace.” my head darted up in surprise meeting icy blue eyes.

I was left stricken against his chiselled features, his eyes holding me captive.

My belly churned, reminding me of the secret I held.

But returning to reality, I saw that his eyes or expression weren't happy at all. A surge of fear welled up in me.

“See me in my office.”