C1 Selfihness

In 2010, in March.

In Jember courtroom.

The judge knocked on the hammer, and Rayhan was sentenced to one-and-a-half years in prison for being one of the perpetrators of illegal logging in Jember's Meru Betiri National Park (TNMB), although not commercially.

Because the case is relatively light, with the wood that Rayhan took when caught by the Special Forestry Police (Polsushut) only a few, the adult man was sentenced to prison in Jember prison.

At the time of the reconstruction of the scene during the crime scene, Rayhan was declared not to be part of the illegal logging by the troubled parties that the Special Forestry Police had been looking for so far.

That penalty is arguably not severe at all compared to others, which average more than 5 years in prison and a fine of several million or billions.

During the trial, Rayhan was not once seen raising his head. He is not brave and too embarrassed to look towards Lyana at this time.

In his mind Rayhan was filled with endless remorse and distress.

For the mistakes he made by being forced to do so, Rayhan never thought at all, that in the end he would be caught too.

When he was cornered on the need to feed his family, he recklessly followed his neighbors to steal wood for which he then sold.

In one year Rayhan joined his neighbor, took sonokeling wood and teak wood in the forest, Rayhan earned a hefty wage compared to serabutan work as a handyman for many years.

Let's just say it was seven times during the year Rayhan went into the woods. And usually he only goes down the mountain with 2 or 3 heavy logs on his pelvis above the shoulders.

Together with his neighbors, the wood will be sold directly to the only building shop in the village.

During this time they also cut down not wildly, only a few wood as needed.

But other greedy humans are blinded by the abundance of money, and make trouble for others by illegal logging, until they pull the feet of small people like him, pulled into a mud pit together when what they get is far from the difference.

It's useless this time, the rice has become porridge.

Even if Rayhan dodges the accusations accusing him of being one of those illegal loggers, it won't exonerate him on the fact that he also took part, taking wood on land that was already government property.

Rayhan sighs in frustration and his lethargic face is ten years old.

In the middle of the chair inside the courtroom, Lyana sat upright with a cold face.

The beautiful woman constantly looks up at Rayhan with a jumbled stare.

Hers heart was filled with anger, resentment and despair. Her hands clenched tightly above the knee. And she left the room immediately after the judge knocked on the hammer, signaling the trial was over.

Lyana was waiting for Rayhan, at the end of the hallway at a different exit, Rayhan was hand-cuffed and led away by police walking past him.

"Wait a minute..." It was Rayhan who begged the police next to him to be allowed to speak briefly to his wife.

Lyana doesn't move where she stands. She waited for the man who became her husband to approach.

For some reason that came to the surface, Lyana stared coldly at her husband's pathetic-looking shoulder. It will always be that way, this man - who never goes into her eyes - will act hypocritically as if he were a victim, when in fact a selfish criminal, confines herself in a cage of obedience and the submissiveness of a wife.

Rayhan gulped hard. His head kept bowing because he was so embarrassed. In front of his wife, that man did not dare to act in any way. Although he seemed weak, his determination to maintain something he thought was valuable could be said to have been included in a blinding obsession.

The man said with a trembling voice and head constantly ducking, "Lya ... I-I'm sorry. Because of me, you will have to bear a heavy burden in the future. I-I just wanted to say ... please take care of our children. Um ... Please ... Wait ..." The man's voice vibrates and faltered, ".... Wait for me to come back." His said was weakly filled with doubt.

Let's just say he's a selfish, cowardly man. Because that's what he's been like all this time. He understood what Lyana had been wanting all along, but he selfishly never gave it to his wife.

Freedom. Free from the snare of poverty, and free from living with losers like him.

His wife desperately wanted to be free and enjoy life with herself, Rayhan knew that from a long time ago, but because of his huge love for her, he wouldn't give it away.

Rayhan selfishly prefers to bear the hatred that Lyana directed at him than he should see the wife he likes go with another man.

Lyana raises her hand, and a loud slap is found by Rayhan later.

Plakk!

The man's face was immediately thrown to the side, his cheeks felt hot and sore but Rayhan received it without much complaint. However he deserves it.

Although they are now an interesting spectacle, both Lyana and Rayhan choose to ignore and focus more on their never-ending problems. Apparently, it never ends in a long time.

"You still won't let me go?" Lyana coldly and angrily told Rayhan. She thinks it's time, time for her to be free to do whatever she wants.

But again, fate treated her so badly that it kept making her unable to escape from this cruel man in front of him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I can't let you go," Rayhan said one last time. The man's head ducked low, as if he did not have the courage to look at the wife he had been married to for a long time, but never loved himself.

Lyana left with an angry hardened face from the courthouse. And Rayhan stared at the departure of the woman he loved with a face full of regret.

The one-sided love left a sore cut in their hearts.

Rayhan closes his eyes to cover up the pain that re-emerges to the surface. He tried, at least, to get rid of Lyana's gaze like a hopeless person just now.

You're selfish.

You've been very selfish for a long time, Rayhan.

Lyana's words continued to ring in the adult man's ears, pain and guilt suffing his heart until he wished that his heart was better off dead alone.

A tear fell from the adult man's cheek, with his back looking weak and thin, Rayhan was taken away by police to the custody room.

On the nights Rayhan felt while he was in prison. The feeling that makes it claustrophobic will continue to accompany his loneliness. Will continue to be on every journey of his life.