C4 Nelos

Inside the infirmary, I pace as Shaye lays on one of the prison cots. My nails dig into my palms as I clench my fists tighter. The monster in me senses my distress and growls deep in my chest. I can’t let him out though. Not here... not now. The only reason I’m allowed in here is because the nurse is sweet on me.

My gaze darts back to Shaye who is pale as snow and not moving.

The arena. The fights to the bloody victory. I can’t believe the Warden put helpless Shaye in there. My Shaye.

I try to shove down my rage, but it’s building an inferno inside me. They will pay if she doesn’t recover from this. I will soak the walls of this prison in their blood.

Shaye coughs and I’m at her side, holding her hand. Slowly she opens her bright, blue eyes and I’m so happy that she’s awake and that I’m here for her that I nearly shout in joy and relief.

“Where— what happened?”

She’s still covered in blood except for her face that the nurse washed off when she arrived. I clench my fists instead of taking her in my arms like I want. I can’t trust myself with her— not while a monster claws at my insides —wanting to reach her. I swallow hard. “You’re okay, everything’s going to be okay.”

She squeezes her eyes shut and a tear rolls down her cheek. “No, I’m never going to be all right again. Not as long as I’m in this place.”

My throat constricts because what can I tell her? Lie and say she’ll eventually make her way out of this hellhole? That if she succeeds and survives in the arena enough times, she’ll be eligible to be auctioned off as some god’s toy? Fuck that.

I clear my throat and she glances over at me with desperation and hope brimming in her eyes that it cuts my heart.

“We’ll find a way to get you out of here, Shaye. I swear it.” I tell her what I want to believe, what I want her to believe, ignoring the worry churning in my gut that what’s coming for her scares me for her safety.

I make a pact with myself to do whatever I can to help her escape this impossible situation. Hell knows I’ve tried countless times myself only to end up thrown right back in here like a fucking rubber band is attached to me.

“I can’t get the image of Bono swollen and bloated, pinned to the arena out of my mind.”

“Bono,” I seethe. The motherfucker is dead for touching her and I will see to it that anyone else who tries will be too.

I make a pact with myself that I will do whatever I can to help her escape this impossible situation. Hell knows I’ve tried countless times, only to end up thrown right back in here like a fucking rubber band is attached to me.

“Bono was who they put you up against.” Damn bastard is a second-level fighter. Why the hell don’t they put her in with the third or fourth-class prisoners or one of the newbies like her?

Realization slams into me. I know why—because they want her dead— but they’re too fucking lazy to do it themselves and this is the easier cover-up.

I can’t hold back my rage and I have to get it out as the beast is beating at my chest. Adrenaline surges through me. My fingernails curl into claws. I punch the cement wall beside me and Shaye gasps.

“Damn it, Shaye, why didn’t you keep your fucking head down?”

This way, they get all the gods and goddesses’ bets and their appreciation of watching a public execution disguised as sport. Putting her in with Bono tells me the warden is going to keep sending her down there until he finishes her off. But at whose call? The warden doesn’t care if she lives or dies, so who’s been in his ear?

I was a prisoner like she was... like every lowlife in here. Even if I killed the warden, another would take his place. A never-ending shit-cycle.

I face her and her terrified wide-blue eyes make me feel like the horrible person I am. But it’s better if she’s scared of me. If she wants to keep her distance.

“What the hell happened between us?” She hiccups a small cry, wincing. Her lips are swollen and her cheeks are flushed. Even battered and bruised, she is exceptional.

What happened was my fault. If I hadn’t gotten mixed up with the wrong crowd when she’d left, I wouldn’t have been incarcerated. I’d have been with her... she’d never have been put in the position where she had to kill a god. Fuck! I hadn’t even known her power was that strong.

"You nearly died in the arena. You need to be trained and..."

My voice trails off as I remember her father force-feeding me an oath demanding my allegiance when he did not have the authority to do so and saying he could have had me killed at any time.

All if it weren’t for the love my human mother had to form me combined with the charms she used to sway him against making such a decision until we had escaped his wrath and moved far away from him.

A knock sounds on the door and I put my mask on of being a guard. Of doing my duty to make sure the prisoner, Shaye, doesn’t try and escape.

There hasn’t been a day... an hour that I haven’t thought of her since she came here.

I would do anything, especially if it meant keeping Shaye safe, and while I want to sit here and tell her how everything got fucked up for me, I’m not ready to spill my heart with the nurse in the room and while Shaye is still recovering. The focus is on making sure she heals first.

“Y-you tried to warn me... about the arena before... didn’t you?”

I nod. “I will murder that bastard for daring to lay a hand on you.”

“It’s over.” She sighs, her voice catching. “I-I think I killed him.”

Inside, I still. Part of me thought her kill of Anubis was a fluke. Some random, weird accident where she was in the wrong place at the right time and his magic backfired on him. But if what she says is true— well, she might be strong enough to destroy a full-blown god again. And here I underestimated her.

“Are you sure?” The words sounded hollow to my ears. Like I couldn’t even fake the belief that she is capable of such a thing.

“Last I saw him, he was embedded into a concrete wall.” She shakes her head, her hand trembling in mine. “Not the kind of thing someone walks away from.”

She could be mistaken. I tell myself. But if she’s right... shit... the gods and goddess will be calling for her blood now. Not that Bono was any hotshot god, but they’d believe the rumors of her killing a full-fledged god now that they’d seen her in action.

“What did you do in the arena to destroy him so easily?” I whisper.

“I don’t really know.” She hiccups a breath. “He was on top of me and I felt like he was crushing my skull. And my power just shot out of me joining in a thousand atoms around the stadium and shoving him off me.”

“But your power is water—” I stop. “Wait. Where did the water come from?”

She shrugs, paling. “Bono, the stadium drinks, the atmosphere. Everywhere around.”

“Fucking shit.” I shake my head. “From Bono’s own body? How?”

“I don’t know.” She bit her lip, then winced since it was still swollen and healing.

Whenever the nurse returned, I was going to make her do another healing spell on Shaye. She wasn’t recovering fast enough for me. I want her out of here and by my side, but I’m no fool. If my hunch is right and the gods come for her because of her ability, I can’t stop them. Fuck! “We’ll get you out of this joint somehow, Shaye. I promise.”

“I want to believe you, but—”

Before all this, she’d believe me without question. But that was in our previous life. We can’t start where we left off. I inhale a sharp breath. There isn’t even an us anymore. I don’t know what hurts more, the way she looks at me with disbelief, or that I had foolishly believed once we bonded again, things would go back to normal.

But that’s not going to happen, is it? I tense, my jawline clenching, and I want to roar my anger at what I’d lost and now even as it is within reach, she’s too far away.

She doesn’t speak as we gaze into each other’s eyes—at least not until she relaxes her shoulders and says, “Listen, what we had in the past is just that. I can’t just pick up where we were. So much has happened. We’ve both changed, and do I really know who you are? Do you really know me?”

“Let me show you who I am? Let us find our way back to what we had?” It hurt me so much to be away from her for so long and now I want it back again. She doesn’t say anything for a long moment and an invisible knife digs into my chest. The beast that is inside me growls and wants out, but he’s too dangerous. I can’t let him out around Shaye.

She stares at me blankly but doesn’t say a word. “That’s not how this works, Nelos. You hurt me so much and I spend a lot of time getting over you.”

I stiffen, a pang of pain striking me dead center in the chest. I’ve been pining over her this whole time, starved to find her again, battling with my own inner demons until I felt ready to go back to her. And she’s over me! What the fuck?

She sighs. “That came out wrong.”

When I was thrown into prison, I never thought I’d smell her aroma or lay eyes on her ever again much less get a chance to correct our wrongs. But I always held onto the thought that once we got together everything would slot back into place.

I’ve been a fucking fool for so long.

“No, you said exactly what you meant,” I answer bitterly.

“Nelos,” she says, but I shake my head.

I have lived my life by an empty slogan, but now I know that love and honor are not merely words.

“I will prove to you I have changed, and then when I claim you as mine, you will have no more doubts.”

“Nelos,” she says again, her voice a soft caress and I fear my emotions are too exposed. “I’m not asking you to prove anything.”

“Then what do you want from me?”

She shrugs, and her silence tells me more than words ever will. She doesn’t push me away but needs to sort out her thoughts. And well, I have my own shit to work out, especially the beast shoving against my insides, wanting to get closer to her.

How will she respond to finding out the truth about what I really am?

Walking away isn’t an option.

I've always wanted her. I've spent years trying to exorcise her from my heart and soul. But she's always been here, under the surface of my screwed-up life.

These feelings are not new, they have always been there, buried deep and waiting for a sign of hope.

She's an addiction I don’t want to stop.

Her silence cuts me like razor blades, and I wince from the pain welling up in my chest. I don't want to hurt her and even the beast inside growls his approval. She's ours to protect, and I’ll kill anyone who hurts her.