C11 Why?

“ Are you tired? “ He asked and stretched his hands while turning his neck. “ No.. It’s just that… “ I looked at the window again and glance at him for awhile.

“ Its already late. What time will you leave? “ I suddenly regretted what I said to him when he stared at me angrily. His eyebrows are in one line and his lips is a little bit displeased.

“ You’ll gonna kick your own husband in our own house? “ He sarcastically said and groaned. I didn’t say anything, instead, I sit back in the floor and reached the remote control.

“ So you’re playing dumb here… “ He mumbled and take away the remote. I fixed my gaze at him and didn’t move. “ Answer me woman! “ He said then locked his eyes at me.

I can see nameless emotions running in his dark tantalizing eyes. I slowly witnessed how his lips curved a smile and smirked. “ Maybe you’re uncomfortable when I’m around? “

“ I’m not! “ I automatically replied after what he said. I’am not and he better put that in his gorgeous mind. Tsk! But-----, Is my mouth speaking the truth? Or I was just telling what my mind says but not what my heart wants to convey?

“ Really huh? “ I was alert when he moved his head on my direction that causes my heart to beat rapidly.

“ D-don’t come near… “ I stuttered. I moved my body to my left side but was stopped by his left arm. I was about to escape using the other side but was locked once again. Now I’m being prisoned in his body.

“ What will you do this time? You’ll gonna tease me again? “ I tried to be brave and meet his gaze. He locked me using his both arms, and was trapped at the middle of his legs.

“ I just noticed that you’re slowly gaining some nerve to talk back at me. Is it because of your stupid fake boyfriend? “ I felt my hands are producing sweats.

“ It’s none of your business anyway! “ I talked back without thinking about being tortured by him again. I was immune and it’s not new to me anymore. At least I can talk for myself.

“ Hmm? None of my business? “ He murmured. I froze and was afraid to move an inch when he moved his head even closer.

“ You smell so nice honey… “ He whispered while his nose is now exploring my neck. I got goosebumps whenever his breath touches my skin.

“ Your scent is so unique… “ He continued then my body stiffens when he slowly closed his arms on me. “ I wanna burry my face on your neck… “ He said then sniff my hair.

My thoughts are still processing and I don’t know how to handle this situation. My mind is now blank and all I could hear are his words and the beat of my heart. Thumping loudly and was getting messy inside of my chest.

“ D-don’t… “ I tried not to stutter but I failed. Instead of stopping, he caress my hair and put the messy one’s at the back of my ear. “ Why? “ He asked.

“ Why are you so weak when it comes to temptation? “ I looked at him in disbelief. How come he’s asking me this type of question when he’s the one who’s cheating me all these years?

“ You’re the one who’s weak and arrogant. “ I stated it right into his face. I thought he’s gonna slap me or beat me, but instead, I saw him smiling. But this smile is more like a forced one.

“ You know nothing Demonise. Don’t blame me when you’re not even in my shoe. “ He said then slowly released me in his own built prison. “ You better sleep now, I’ll continue with my work. “ He added.

It was said formally as if our topic was just nothing to him. Am I really that unimportant in his eyes? Is waiting for his love a waist? And lastly, do I need to stay by his side forever, when I knew that there’s someone better in his heart?

I stand up and move backwards. I stared at him who’s now focusing on the screen of his laptop. “ Then why?! “ I almost shouted trying to hold my anger at him. His attention is now all mine.

“ Why do you make me feel that you have feelings for me? Why are you confusing my heart? Why are acting as if you care? When in fact, you’re not? “ Saying these questions that was hidden in my mind years ago, I can’t avoid my tears to flow.

“ Sometimes you’re good to me, sometimes you’re sweet and touchy. Sometimes you’re kinda jealous and will brag me about someone. And lastly,------ “ I locked my gaze at him and said.

“ Majority of this last few years was like hell. You’ll come here twice a week but then you will ruin my purity and innocence. Why are you so heartless?! “ I took a deep breath while saying those questions.

Finally after three years of being treated like a pet, I had now the eagerness to speak up for my chaotic deliberations. I wiped my tears and stared at him once again. I see no expression at all. He’s face was all blank. I can’t even read his mind.

“ Are you done? “ I cast my glance to him because of incredulity. I cannot believe that for all the questions that I had asked, he will just gonna tell me if I’m done blubbering.

“ If you’re done, then you can go upstairs and sleep. “ He simply said as if I’m just a piece of crap in his life. Well, he’s a fvcking bullshit!

“ You’re really a demon Fergus. Someday, my heart will be tired of loving you! “ I seriously said to him and I watched how he lifted his head to stare at me.

His eyes were so sharp that I wanna run to hide, but this time, I want him to now that I’m not that weak anymore. I meet his gaze and looked at him with full of confidence.

“ And when that time comes, I’ll never stay with you again. And I’ll never come back if you suddenly realized that you love me too! “ I turned around and walk up the stairs.

I waited for his voice to call me but I failed. He didn’t respond and didn’t even dare to stop and comfort me. I was in a mess right now. My heart is bleeding badly and my mind is in chaos.

If I had known that this will happen in the future, I wished I never said yes to this marriage. This arranged and painful marriage. If only I could turn back time, I would’ve married someone. Someone who loves me more than I love him.

“ But even if it hurts, my heart still loves him… “ As I reached my room, the pain in my heart doubled. I locked the door and cry silently. I don’t understand my fate. It’s so unfair!

I walked near the bed and laid myself there. I wanted to sleep in order to forget everything just for a moment. But as I was about to close my eyes, a sudden flash of memories rewinds in my mind.

I seek for my phone in the small cabinet near my bed. I picked it up and turned it on. I caress the screen on my phone as if it was him. My husband!

“ Why are you hurting me like this? “ I stared at my current wallpaper. It’s him! Fergus! He’s wearing his college uniform with a genuine smile on his face.

“ Though you’re very bad to me, I hated myself because my heart can’t stop loving you. “ I stated and hugged my phone. Just this once, I want to imagine that he’s with me.

Just this once, I want to spoiled myself in my dreams. Dreaming of him who loves me. Imagining that he cares and cherish me.

But the painful part is that, tomorrow, I’m gonna wake up knowing that it’s just all a dream. And the reality is just so unfair and cruel.

*****

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