C15 Hurt

"Go ahead, just cry. It will lessen the pain," Macy said while driving. I wiped away the tears that wanted to fall.

It really hurts deep inside me. I wanted to cry to reduce the weight I felt on my chest but also didn’t want to shed any tears. I asked her to drop me off at the mall a few meters away from our house.

"Be careful. If you need someone to talk to, I am just here," she said before stopping the car. I just nodded at her and thanked her.

Kian called my number several times a while ago so I blocked his number. Even on my social media accounts. I don't want to talk to him. As much as possible I also don't want to see his face. But we go to the same school. We go home to the same house. I don't know what to do now.

I walked around the mall until late at night. I don't feel hungry. Nothing comes into my mind. I don’t know what to do and still thought of what had happened.

As far as I know, he lied and deceived me. I really want to reprove him. But I don't want to utter hurtful words that I might regret later.

It was almost ten o'clock in the evening so I decided to take a taxi to go home— to my house. I did not look at the other house. But I'm sure the light is still off there. Looks like he didn't come home yet. What is his plan now? Does he really stand up to whatever he and Jewel had in between them?

"Moo."

I was surprised when Kian suddenly called me. He was sitting outside the door of my parents' house. He seems to expect me to come home here. I didn't speak to him and didn't even look at him. I took the key from my bag while ignoring Kian.

I pushed him because he tries to reach my hands. Forced me to hug him. I don't want to shout. I don't want to utter hurtful words.

Even when I’m hurting I try to stay calm. But that doesn't mean I'm okay with what he did. That we are just fine. We are not okay the moment he lied to me.

"Please, let me explain," he begged. Not now that I am really mad, hurt, and disappointed. I shooked my head and after I opened the door of our house I immediately went in and closed it.

I can hear Kian's plea but I tried to ignore it. I went up to my room. I slid through the door while suppressing my tears. I heard Kian begging outside to talk to me. I feel my chest get heavier and heavier. I calmed myself before I lay down and chose to sleep with the pain and heaviness I felt.

I woke up around six in the morning because my stomach hurt. I remember, I didn't eat last night. I got up and went straight to the bathroom to take a shower. I will eat at the fast food outside the village before I go straight to school. I still feel heavy in my chest.

The pain I felt increased even more. I didn't feel like coming to school but I didn't want to waste what I had worked for for a few years just because of what Kian did. I don't want the money my parents paid for the expensive tuition fee at the university I'm attending to be in vain.

When I opened the door, Kian's face is what I see. He was carrying a food container that I’m sure contained the food he cooked.

"G-Good morning, Moo," he said stammering. He couldn’t look into my eyes and he was also undecided whether to smile or not.

I did not speak. I immediately closed the door of the house.

"I-I cooked a breakfast for you. Are you going now? Have a breakfast first," he said. I remembered the effort I made for the surprise dinner last night, so here's my annoyance again. I looked at him sharply which made him dumbfounded.

"Moo, eat first. I woke up early so I could cook for you—"

"So, should I be thanking you for what you did?" I asked sarcastically.

"Moo..."

"Let me go first, Kian. I'm pissed. I'm so mad at you. So you'd better stay away from me first. Don't show yourself to me now." I could see the fear in his eyes so I averted my gaze.

"I'm sorry, Moo. Please, let me explain."

"If I didn't find out, would you tell me? If I didn't know the truth..." I took a deep breath and looked up as I felt tears forming in my eyes. I didn't continue what I should say.

I immediately turned my back on him, before I could utter bad and hurtful words to him.

I forced to eat a lot to gain strength. When I arrived at the university I passed on Jewel on the benches.

"I didn't see you came in together," she said with a smirk on her lips. This woman has a very thick face.

"So, does it mean you two were separated already?"

I smiled.

"You wish."

That's all I said. Did she think that she can make us separate that easily? While I was in class, my phone vibrated. The text message was from an unregistered number.

"Moo, let's have lunch together later. I'm sorry. Please, let me explain. Let's talk. Don't be like this."

I rolled my eyes. It's either he's using his friend's number or he bought another number. I blocked the number he used just now.

Kian came to see me after my morning class. I ignored him. He also didn't try to approach me or to kiss and hug me like he always does.

He said he ordered food and we would just eat on the bench under the tree. Maybe he thought I didn’t want to eat with his friends and to avoid Jewel who is always on his side. I don't want to make a scene and I don't want Jewel to know that my husband and I are in a fight because of what happened. So even though it's against my will and even though I am very angry with Kian, I went with him and we ate lunch together. He didn't try to say any word.

He knew that I don't want to create any scene here. Because I don’t want other people's attention on us. After we ate, he walked me to my classroom.

In the afternoon, we didn't go home together because my class ended earlier. I went home to my parents' house.

At eight o'clock in the evening, Kian knocked on the door of my house. I didn't open it even though he called my name several times.

"Remember, I love you so much. It's just you," he said.

It made me cry even harder. Why is it so hard to believe what he told? If he loves me why he was tempted that easily? Why did he lie? Why did he cheat on me?

It's been over a month since I returned to my parents' house. Going to school alone. Have lunch with Kian. Sometimes I don't eat lunch and I just hang out in the library to avoid him. He cooks dinner but I don’t eat it.

He leaves flowers, chocolates, and gifts outside the door of my house but I just leave them outside the house. I noticed that he avoided his friends at the university.

Even though I ignored him he tried to make it up to me. That's why when my parents came home for our upcoming graduation, I have no choice but to go home to Kian's house.

I don't want my parents to find out what happened to us because I don't want them to feel bad about it. Kian is still my husband.

Yes, I'm angry but not in my vocabulary to divorce him because I can see that he's making an effort. That he loves me so much.

My parents and I ate dinner. I am quiet the whole time. While my parents were talking about the business and Kian also answered them. Kian was into business. And my parents are happy for him because of that.

"After graduation, will we expect a grandchild?" Mom asked.

I laughed awkwardly. Kian looked at me smiling.

"I plan to marry Beth in church before we'll have a baby," Kian replied to my parents. Mom's smile widened. Touched with Kian's words. I could see the joy in her eyes.

"You really love our daughter," Mom said.

"Very much," Kian replied. I felt my eyes get wet because of his answer, so I lowered my head.

After dinner, my parents went home to the other house. It got awkward when it was just the two of us. He scratched his head awkwardly.

"Just sleep in our r-room. I will sleep in the other room," he said.

I nodded. He thought I was going to contradict what he said. I didn't want him to be next to the bed. Before I went upstairs he held my hand.

"Let's talk first, please," he begged. I sighed and sat down on the couch. He sat down next to me. A few minutes passed but he still did not speak.

"Did something happen between you and that girl?" I asked.

He shooked his head. "Nothing, Moo."

I nodded. Somehow I felt relieved. He sighed.

"On Raul's birthday— "

I didn't want him to tell me how he and Jewel kissed so I cut him off.

"When you said you were finishing a project. Were you telling the truth then?" I asked.

He nodded.

"Then how come you came home late and you still smell of alcohol?"

"Jewel send me an image of us kissing. She threatened me that she would show it to you."

"So you chose to go with her instead of going home to your wife who prepared a surprise dinner for you on your monthsary?" I asked him bitterly.

He looks dumbfounded. He closed his eyes and shooked his head softly. Maybe he realized how stupid he was.

"You're afraid of her blackmail rather than come home to me and tell me the truth. You chose to cover up what happened rather than tell your wife about it?" I kept asking.

"I didn't go to her. I just went with Raul to drink."

"You chose your friends. What's the difference?" I nodded as I wiped the tears that streamed down my cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Moo. I'm scared. I don't want to hurt you. But I hope you don't think I betrayed you. I love you. Very much."

I did not answer. I kept staring at my feet even though my vision was blurred because of my tears.

"Do you still love me? Please, tell me if you still love me?" he begged. His voice broke. I stood up and walked.

"Even if you hurt me, I still love you. But that doesn't mean you can cheat on me and lie. Goodnight." I silently went upstairs. I slept with somewhat reduced weight on my chest that I had been carrying for a month.

"Beth!"

I continued walking even though I heard Kian's friends calling my name. What do they need from me? They accelerated their pace so that they caught up with me and blocked my path. I looked at them lazily.

"I'm sorry for what happened. We want you to know that we didn't push Kian to betray you because he didn't betray you."

"Yeah, we're idiots because we lied without saying where we were really going. We just really wanted him to be able to have fun with us."

"We like you for Kian. I know he loves you dearly."

I looked at them one by one.

"How much did Kian pay you?" I asked. They scratched their necks shyly.

"What's with the pay? We took the initiative to come forward to explain and apologize to you," Raul replied defensively.

"Our graduation is tomorrow. We don't want to end up with resentment. I'm sorry."

I nodded.

"Okay," I lazily replied. They were already smiling.

"And because of that," Raul said before pulling the white handkerchief from his bag. I winced.

"What is that?" I asked when he approached me.

“We have a surprise for you,” they said.

"Hey! I don't!" I backed away.

"Hey! What's that?" Macy and her friends asked. They immediately approached us.

"This is a surprise for Beth. If you want to know then come with us."

"If this is bullshit, I don't want to!" I said. Raul scratched his head. They look disappointed.

"I already told Kian that she doesn't trust us," someone whispered.

"What's that?" I asked.

Yeah, where is Kian?

"Kian asked our help for the surprise he made for you."

I looked at them seriously. I snorted and thought slightly.

"If it's bullshit, I will not forgive you for life," I threatened.

They nodded. Macy and I got in Raul's car. The others accompanied Macy's friends in their car. I can't see because my eyes are blindfolded.

It took us less than an hour before the car stopped. I can hear the water flowing. It was impossible that we were at the sea so I was sure we were at a resort.

I felt nervous. I feel like I'm going to pee and get poop. It's like some things digging into my stomach.

"What now?" I'm asked.

We stopped walking. I could hear the voices of other men, whispering.

"Where is he?" Macy's friend asked.

I can't wait anymore so I removed the blindfold from my eyes. It was as if something warm touch my heart when I saw everything. There are flowers, lanterns, and, LED lights all around. I smiled. I look around.

Until I see the man who did it all. He exits the door of the cottage a few inches away at the table that was set. And behind him was the familiar face of a woman, whose only garment on her body was a towel. She was shocked to see me. I turned my gaze back to Kian. He was wearing complete but I noticed he was adjusting the zipper of his denim pants.