C11 You know why

"Give him a chance to show you who he is before you write him off completely." I don't need him to show me. "Besides," says Rose , "if he's already protecting you, he probably won't chicken out." She's right, and that scares me. I jump to my feet, Halley and Rose mimic my movement. "I'm not going to run," I assure them. "I just...need a moment." Without waiting for their responses, I climb coI run up the stairs to my bedroom, closing the door behind me before sinking into it. This is bullshit. I don't appreciate being attacked, little buddy. His voice fills my head and I startle at the intrusion. I'm used to the silence of my mind, even though I'm half wolf. She's rarely around, but now I have full consciousness swirling around in my brain. It will be hard to avoid Luke when he can read every single thing I'm feeling. I don't appreciate anything you did, I reply. I can feel your irritation through our bond. I understand you need space and I'm willing to give it to you for a short time, but Alison , I'm not going to deny our bond forever. I want you by my side. You are mine to take care of and protect. The way he growls that last line sends a shiver down my spine. So few people in my life have ever wanted to protect me that even the mere notion of it is foreign. Why? I sense his confusion before I ask, Why, what? Why do you want to take care of me? I don't want to ask and I'm terrified of her answer, but I still do. Most people in my past wanted to control or use me. Others just felt the need to hurt me. You know why. Because you think you own me now? I ask this question with more than a hint of sarcasm. I do. My heart sinks at his words. This isn't because he loves me or cares about me. Luke is just like anyone else I've dealt with over the years. And that's the problem, Luke . As soon as I say this, I drop my walls around my mind, protecting myself from him, and all I feel is relief at the silence that greets me. ALISON I wake up in the dark, sweat running down the back of my neck and the scream suspended on the tip of my tongue. Swallowing it back down, my throat aching like I've chewed glass, I try to breathe through the encroaching panic. I am safe. I am safe. Am I, though? I try to approach my she-wolf, craving her presence, but there is nothing there. I'm alone, as usual. Why does that hurt so much more than usual? Alison, are you okay? I turn over in bed, my heart bouncing in my chest. I forget Karson and his new residence inside my brain. Luke . Even his name is sexy. Alison, I know you can hear me. Are you hurt? Do you need me? I felt your fear through our bond. Why does it have to sound so concerned and why does it make me feel good that it does? It's just the bond that makes it so. It's not real. He doesn't give a shit about me, beyond his need to control me and keep me as a pet. I rub my temple that suddenly hurts. My life is complicated enough without this. We're in the middle of a fucking war and every day is a fight for survival. I don't need this on top of all that. Are you going to keep giving me the silent treatment? Oh yeah, there's that irritation bleeding through your concern for me. I ignore it too as I push the sheets aside and sit on the edge of the mattress in the dark. Putting him out of my mind would be the best option, but mating bonds are not like herd bonds. There's no way to silence them. As much as it pains me to admit it, there is also a part of me that is comforted by his presence. I've been alone for a long time. Alison , I'm two seconds away from walking into your building. The last thing I want is for you to be in my room or in my personal space. The last time he touched me, I felt like a bitch in heat. I can't take that chance again.

Calm down. I just had a horrible dream and it woke me up. You don't have to worry about me. I'm not your problem, Luke His snort through the link tells me what I can do with that statement. You're my only problem, he mumbles. Thank you, I say. Go back to sleep. I shut him out as much as I can while nibbling on my lower lip. Things are out of my control and I don't like that feeling. When I turn on the lamp on the bedside table, the room fills with light and chases away the shadows. For a moment, I feel better, but it's fleeting. As much as I want to hide, sooner or later I will have to deal with Luke, no matter what. Knowing I'll never be able to sleep again, I change into my sports clothes, pull my hair back into a ponytail and head downstairs. The building is quiet, which isn't surprising considering how early it is, and when I step outside, the sunrise greets me. I put on my headphones and put on my playlist as I walk to the outskirts of the complex, shaking my arms to relax my muscles. Running is not my favorite exercise, but I need to clear my mind. I stash my phone in the pocket of my yoga pants and run slowly, warming up my body as I cross the lawn at a steady pace. The bass booms in my ears as I find my rhythm. Left foot, right foot, left... I lose myself in the momentum, swinging my arms as I push forward. The sky is clearing, but there are still shadows around the edge of the enclosure, where the floods don't quite reach. As I run, my thoughts empty of everything. I lose myself in my breathing and the burning in my legs. The music echoes in my ears, drowning out any sound, including my labored breathing. I'm about to take my second lap around the compound when I smell it. I run faster, as if I can outrun him if he really decides to chase me. I barely make it twenty steps when I hit uneven ground. My foot twists and bone creaks as I lose my balance. A choked scream escapes my mouth as I fall heavily, reaching out my hands instinctively to cushion my body. As soon as my palms touch the grass beneath me, a shock of pain burns my wrist, radiates to my fingers and up to my elbow. Holy shit! The pain makes me see stars. It hurts so much it makes my head spin. Then he's there, crouched in front of me, his huge body filling my vision. Despite trying to ignore the link, I feel his panic surge between us. "You run from me like you're afraid I'll throw you to the ground and take you "he murmurs, his gaze fixed on my wrist, which I hold against my chest. "Don't you?" pain makes my words strained. His face contracts into an angry mask. "No. I'm not a fucking animal, Alison ." A horrible regret washes over me as I realize he's hurt beneath the anger. It's written in the stiffness of his body, but I can also feel it through our bond. Damn it. I try to bury my own feelings, my fear and reluctance. He grabs my wrist, stops before he touches me and lifts his head as if asking my permission. I toss him an olive branch and offer him my hand. Despite his size, his fingers are gentle as they brush my skin and, to my horror, his touch sends paroxysmal surges of need through me. This is not the time to be aroused and I hold my breath, overwhelmed by his presence. His scent fills my nose, his awareness is in my head and I can't seem to fill my lungs as he examines my wound. "Do you run a lot in the middle of the night?" I don't know how he makes that sound like an accusation. "It's not the middle of the night. It's almost morning." His fingers press a tender spot and I feel a twinge of pain in my wrist. I hiss and pull away a little, but he's still holding me. "I'm sorry," he murmurs, and his touch becomes softer as he resumes his examination." It's not safe." It takes me a second to realize he's talking about running. "Really, it's not safe to run inside this fortress? I mean, it's not like we're surrounded by chain-link fences and guarded by patrols, right?" He raises his head and frowns at my sarcasm, but I sense his amusement through our bond. I can't take my eyes off the thick line of his jaw either, is it that chiseled? "Are you always such a bitch?" That quenches my interest in him. "Only with you," I reply curtly. It doesn't. I wear my pointed words like armor when I'm with everyone. He stares at me like he's trying to understand me.