C12 You're shaking

"I'm not the enemy, Alison," he says. "Aren't I? You want something I can't give you." Her eyes narrow slightly, perhaps with confusion and a little frustration. "And what exactly do you think I want?" I swallow the lump blocking my throat and threatening to choke me. "You want a partner and I can't be one." "Why not?" For a hundred reasons, none of which I want to go into. The hand that touches my wrist is not Luke's . It happens in a split second. I'm back there, held down, pain racking my body as they . "Alison !" The desperate bark of his voice brings me back to the present. Her fingers spread over my cheeks, her head tilts down so she can focus on my eyes. My chest heaves as my lungs stutter before working again. "I'm sorry." "You're shaking," he observes. I am. My body trembles. Why am I still so affected by my past? I hate it, and I hate the way Luke looks at me with such sweetness in his eyes. I can't stand it. I don't deserve it.I scramble away from him, releasing myself from his grip. There's a glimmer of what could be hurt from him before he puts his mask of indifference back on. Clearly, he too wears his own past as armor. "I have to... " I interrupt myself, my frazzled brain unable to come up with a reason why I have to leave. I stand up with one hand and suddenly feel vulnerable. Luke follows me, brushing his hands off me in his combat pants. He's wearing them well, the thickness of his thighs filling the material in a way that makes my mouth water. Stop it, I chastise myself. I can't have these feelings and thoughts about Luke . "Alison " When he approaches me, I pull away, pressing my throbbing wrist against my chest." Are you afraid of me?" I can see the horror on his face as he realizes this. I don't want to hurt him, but the truth is, I would be afraid of anyone standing in front of me right now. He is not my old pack. He would never torture me like he tortures me, but my body remembers him and protects me the only way it can: by avoiding him. "I'm not sure yet." The tone of vulnerability in my voice seems to calm him. His expression softens a little. "Let me show you who I am." Yes... My traitorous she-wolf shows up long enough to demand this of me, but I ignore her. She doesn't drive this car. She has no say. I back up a couple more steps, needing more distance between us, but he follows me, and before I can run, he grabs the back of my neck. I resist his grip, but his grip is firm, and the only way to free me would involve hurting us both. He must sense where my thoughts have gone, or maybe I've communicated it through our bond, but his grip tightens. "Don't even think about hitting me with your magic again, little tau.

"Do you really expect me not to protect myself?" I challenge him. "You don't need to protect yourself from me." His words ring true, but I've learned that what comes out of people's mouths is not always what they intend. "I'll be the judge of that." Despite that, I don't move from his grip, and I don't try to break free either. My pulse throbs wildly in my throat, and I wish my body wouldn't react to him. Unable to restrain myself, I lean into him as his thumb strokes the back of my neck back and forth. It's so comforting that my eyes begin to feel heavy. I forget the pain in my wrist as my head tilts to my chest, feeling every inch of my boneless body. "You fight me with words, but your body doesn't agree with your mouth," he says. I don't move as he continues to rub circles with his whole hand on the back of my neck. "I'm not yours to order me around," I whisper with a groan. He laughs and I don't blame him because right now I'm like a docile cat. "I know you're afraid. Even though I can't feel it through the bond, I can see it in your face every time I get close to you. I'm not going to ask you to talk about what has you like this, but if you choose to tell me, I will listen." Oh my goodness. I didn't expect him to be understanding or even kind to me. Emotion brings a lump to my throat. "You say those things now, but I've heard them hundreds of times from others. In the end, I'm always the one who suffers." His eyes sparkle before narrowing. "Someone hurt you. I don't know if my memories go through our bond or if he's just really good at reading me. " Of course they did. I've been haunted and tormented from the moment my pack discovered I was a hybrid." He grits his teeth. "If you tell me who they are, I'll make them die a hundred deaths. " "Clench your fingers for a moment before you continue stroking." "I don't need you to fight my battles." "No " he agrees, you don't. You think I don't know how strong and capable you are? Even now, you're fighting something that can't be denied. I see you, Alison . You could take on an entire army and defeat it all by yourself, but you have to understand that from this moment on I will be behind you, ready to be with you if you need me. Every inch of my body suddenly feels alert and awake in a way I've never been before. What do I say to that? When I was younger, I was always terrified of being alone. I dreamed of having a partner by my side who cared for me, who loved me even though everyone around me thought I was an abomination. Luke is standing in front of me offering me this, and yet I am paralyzed with fear to take that step. "I need to check my wrist "I whisper, my throat suddenly strangled. "We have a healer who can help." I shake my head. "I'll ask Halley . She's part of my coven. I... trust her." The intensity of her gaze makes me squirm. It's so easy to get lost in her eyes, and if I let myself, I'll drown in their depths. Still, I can't look away. I am the hungry animal, lured by the temptation of food, only to discover the cage slamming shut around me as I eat it. Luke is tempting, but this is also a trap. "Please, Luke... " I'm not sure if he knows what I'm asking, but he releases my collar, allowing me to step back and create space between us. "I don't like this game we're playing " he says. I don't either, but I don't know what else to do. I'm not ready to open up to him yet." Are you rejecting me?" Those words tear at my heart. I don't like the idea of him suffering if I suffer. He had no choice, though he doesn't seem unhappy about it. "I just need some time," I reply. "I want to give you that, but I'm afraid that if I do, you'll pull away from me even more." He is right to be afraid. "I'm sorry." Luke's eyes shift to my neck, to the place where the partners mark each other. My healthy hand squeezes it, as if I can hide it from him. "Please don't follow me." I back up several steps, putting distance between us before I dare to turn around. It's a stupid illusion of safety because Luke is a vargr and, if he wanted to, he could finish me off in an instant. He doesn't move, but I feel his gaze pierce me as I walk away. I don't run home, but I don't stand idly by either. When I reach the building, the sun is barely peeking over the horizon, bathing the landscape in a delicate shade of soft yellow. As soon as I enter, I lock the door and lean against it. I feel a tightness in my chest as I try to control my breathing-how am I going to survive with him in my space all the time? Even going for a run puts him in my way. Why should we avoid him? My traitorous she-wolf chooses this moment to appear, urging me to go back to him. I ignore her. It's only the mating bond that makes me feel this way. My biology is fighting against my head and I won't allow it. I don't want a mate. Luke will turn on me, just like everyone else. But his awareness in my mind makes my skin heat up and my pussy throb. How am I going to fight my wolf and my body? "Alison?" Shit! I turn around with my heart racing. "Why are you spying on me?" I whisper to Walter . He arches an eyebrow. "I...uh...live here." "Then why are you awake? It's early." "I might as well ask you the same thing " he says, pointing in my direction with his chin." What happened to your wrist?" I look down. I didn't realize he was pressing my arm against my chest, but I'm not surprised he asked that question. There is definitely swelling and small spots are appearing on the skin. I'm going to get a lot of bruising if Halle doesn't heal me. "I fell while running." She analyzes it for a moment before answering, "Were you running or were you being chased?" I roll my eyes and walk into the kitchen, head to the coffee pot and say, "I said I was running away, didn't I?" "I can smell a man on you." Sometimes, I forget that I'm surrounded by people with extraordinary talents. "It's a headache and the reason I fell." Suddenly, there is a change in the air. I feel the tension as if it were something palpable and throbbing. "Did this fucker hurt you?" The anger in his voice surprises me. I didn't know the men in our little group gave a shit, but Walter seems angry at the idea that Luke might have gotten his hands on me. It's enough to make me look at him. "Luke didn't do this. I'm not lying when I say I fell, Walter . I mean, technically, it was his fault because he scared the hell out of me, but he didn't touch me." Walter's shoulders relax and he goes back to eating. "What happened?" I consider lying, but he'll find out soon enough.