C13 Then reject it

"We connected." Walter leans against the wall and arches his eyebrows. "You found your mate? Congratulations." I head to the kitchen and open the freezer. I find a package of peas, pull them out and wrap it in a cloth before carefully placing it on my swollen wrist. "Don't get too excited." "Don't you want it? "he asks, following me into the store. When I turn around, he's leaning against the counter behind him. "I don't want anyone." "Why?" It's a long story to tell and not a memory I want to relive. "I'm not entirely sure that's any of your business." His shoulders twitch. "It's not, but I was curious. But it makes sense that you'd turn it down. You don't like being told what to do." He says that last part with a mischievous twinkle in his eye that tells me he doesn't think this is a bad thing. "I don't think my whole life should be decided by some magic trick that says I'm yours." "You don't believe in mating bonds, considering all the mated couples around you?" I turn a little so I can look at him, trying to determine if he's mocking me, but he's being sincere. "I didn't say I don't believe it. Obviously, mating bonds work for most of our species.""I sense a but." I shake my head. "There is no but." I let out a sigh. I don't know why I'm telling him this. Maybe it's because Walter isn't paired and therefore isn't biased. Maybe it's because he and I aren't close enough for his judgment to bother me. Maybe it's because he's here. "I'm afraid to trust him." "I can see it, but why?" I consider this question and come to an answer rather quickly. "He's a vargr wolf and could hurt me without mussing his hair." There must be something in the way I say it, because Walter nods. "You've been hurt before. I don't want to talk about my past, but right now the idea of venting to someone who won't judge me is appealing. "You could say that." That's a huge understatement. I had been destroyed by the people I trusted and who were supposed to love me. It turned out that blood was no thicker than water. Pack bonds meant nothing. I was a dangerous enemy, someone feared, even if I did nothing to create that distrust. The moment my first moon ceremony failed and I realized my wolf was not only dormant but weak, I knew my life as I knew it was over. My pack did what all packs do when they find tau in their midst: they tried to kill me. "What happened?" I try to keep my emotions in check. The last thing I want is for Luke to pick up on how I feel through our bond as I take this trip down memory lane. "My pack... They... They did things when they found out who I was and.... " I take a breath, trying to stop the horrible memories from flowing through me. "They tortured me for days. People I'd known all my life took turns cutting me and beating me. My own...my own family hurt me to keep their place in the pack." Although this kind of violence against tau happens all the time, it feels good to tell someone about the horror I endured. "I'm sorry that happened to you, " he says. "It shouldn't have happened. Witch hunts to destroy hybrids are horrible, but you're worried about mating because you think Luke will do the same? Because he's a vargr, so he faces similar hatred. Our kind aren't exactly welcome at the table either." He's right. They aren't. Vargr are also an anomaly and many wolves are just as afraid of them as they are of the tau. "I think trusting people hurts you." "Then reject it." I grip the counter behind me until my fingers ache. "That's not an option, Walter . If we don't nurture our mating bond, we'll both face a future of intense pain and suffering." That's the cruelest twist when it comes to bonding. Sure, you can reject the mate that the magic we channel chose for you, but it will kill you sooner or later. It's a choice, but a shackle for both parties. "As opposed to a present filled with intense pain and suffering?" It's a good argument, but it still doesn't solve the problem. "Luke hasn't done anything to me and he didn't ask for this either. I know I have to let him in, but I don't know if I can." Walter snorts and the sadness in his expression squeezes my heart. "We really have lost the genetic lottery, haven't we? Doomed to spend our whole lives alone without finding our mate or tormented when we do find one because he or she may not be the right person for us." My fingers run along the back of my neck, where I can still feel Luke's touch . Is he the one for me? My stomach churns at the thought of him, even as I churn at the thought of being tied to him. "I know I have to accept it." "You don't have to do anything, Alison . Don't let anyone tell you otherwise." "But we'll both burn out." He steps away from the counter and stands in front of me. "Yes, but at least that will be your choice. You need to get it checked out " he says, pointing to my wrist." I'll go wake Halley up." He walks out of the kitchen and I stare at him. I didn't expect him to be in my corner. Most wolves are pretty focused on the mating bond once it's established, but Luke is not to blame in this case. I guess this was the last place he expected to find his mate as well. He was very concerned about my injury and hadn't faked it. He can lie with his expressions or with his words, but he can't hide his thoughts from me. And he's not trying to. I can feel his frustration, a hint of sadness and concern for me. I have to allow the bond between us to grow. I'm not going to let him suffer for something he can't choose, but I won't go near him. That's a boundary I will never cross. I'm sorry, I say through the bond, tossing an olive branch. When I receive no response, I feel not anger or rejection, but regret. It's a cruel twist of fate that the universe has left Luke with a broken, reluctant partner he can't fix. LUKE I'm finding it harder and harder to stay away from Alison, to give her the space she demands. I watch her whenever I can. For the past few days, I've watched her keeping my distance, but I want to be there for her, especially since I've noticed she doesn't have much sense of self-preservation, a worrisome trait, considering we're at war. I never cared about protecting anyone before, but she has me on edge every moment she spends without me by her side. As I enter the main room, as usual, Alison's scent wafts into my nose and I quickly look around the room, searching for her. I expect to see her sitting at one of the tables with her coven, or even with the men in her group, but she is with Carrie , Dech and some of the others, including Archie and Jared , at the other end of the room. She's wearing dark combat pants and a high-necked, long-sleeved shirt that fits every inch of her body enticingly. I'm not sure if she knows how tempting she is and I know I shouldn't look, but my gaze is drawn to the soft curves of her breasts. Fuck me. My cock twitches in my pants, until I realize she has knives strapped to her body. It takes me a moment to comprehend what is happening. The bags, the guns, the fact that everyone is dressed in black-Carrie is getting ready to send a group and Alison will go with them. No more of my corpse. Fear explodes inside me and transforms into anger. My nostrils dilate as I curse her in my mind. My little companion is capable, but putting herself in danger on purpose scares the hell out of me. She won't be careful and no one else will protect her the way I would.