C1 Cave In

"They're going to get married!"

I averted my gaze from the article I was reading. I let out a long sigh and bit my mouth. It's as if something is blocking my front and preventing me from breathing for a little while, and the knot in my throat hurts. Tears began to obscure my vision, and I couldn't stop them from falling on both of my cheeks.

It hurts. So much. My heart feels like it's being squeezed over and over.

I breathed hard, trying to settle myself entirely, but it didn't work. It's not working. Nothing's working because I'm still hurting.

'Gosh, Oleya Beautrin!'

I really should pull myself together! I'm not like this! I have no reason to cry.

I tried cheering myself up, thinking about some happy thoughts, but my cries only got louder. How can I think about happy thoughts when he's my happiness? Whenever I think about happy thoughts, I always find myself hurting too.

I'm hurt because I know... I know that I will just be a memory. It will never happen again. I will never be with him again. I will never be happy. And what hurts more is that I am no longer the person who makes him happy because someone else is doing it. Someone else is making him happy than I ever did before.

And knowing that he'll soon be married to her, to my twin sister, which breaks my heart even more.

I still love him. Maybe I'm crazy because I chose to still love the person who repeatedly trampled on me. The person who keeps breaking my heart. My supposed-to-be future husband turned out to be an ex.

Claus Ezekiel Monteserio. We were happy, and then one day, I just chose to ruin up and mess up everything that we had. That's something I regret up to this day. I saved my career, but then, I lost him in exchange.

I have repeatedly regretted what I did. I approached him several times to apologize. I knelt down several times just so he would forgive me. I put myself down several times but his heart remained strong and cold enough not to forgive me.

Until one day, I found out that he was courting my twin sister, who's minutes older than me. It hurts me, of course. I love him. I was confident that he loved me too. I thought his love for me was just overshadowed by his anger. I was confident that he loved me enough. But I guess I was just too assuming, huh? I thought he was only for me, but he fell in love with my sister. He fell in love with someone else while I was still stuck here in the dim, waiting for him to come and save me from drowning. I was waiting. I waited for too long, but I guess I have to save myself again.

He fell for someone else while I was still waiting for his forgiveness. How unlucky. Everything about me is bad news.

~

When I arrived at my condo unit, I immediately laid down on the mattress. I didn't change myself. I just lay down straight away because I feel like my whole being is very tired right now. I am mentally and physically tired.

Hopefully, I'll move on, hmm. Maybe Claus won't forgive me now. It will take more time I guess? I hope I can use what I found out today as motivation to finally accept and move on from him because that's really the destination of everyone who's broken. To live on and move forward.

I sighed before closing my eyes. And maybe I was so tired that day because of crying that I dozed off quickly.

I had just woken up when I heard a loud move coming from outside of my room.

I quickly got up and looked around. Everything's dim. I'm alone here in my unit, so I don't understand why I heard that weird sound from outside my room. Or am I just hallucinating?

I bit my lower mouth when my stomach grumbled. I closed my eyes tightly and shook my head. I'm hungry, that's why I'm hallucinating things, huh? Tch.

I decided to take a quick shower before getting dressed and leaving the room. I turned all the lights on, and immediately, my eyes went to the living room. I couldn't stop the loud scream that came out of my mouth when I saw a guy who was half lying on the sofa and half... not?

"C-Claus?" I whispered. It was faint, but I felt like he heard it because he quickly opened his eyes and immediately looked at me.

Waves of electricity and butterflies in my stomach struck me when I met his familiar ash-like eyes.

I blinked a few times when the smile crawled to his mouth. It's like everything that we had came back because of what he did. Yes. His simple smile makes the memories of us together resurface.

He slowly stood up and walked towards me. I didn't move from where I was standing, waiting for him to get to me. My front pounded hard as if I had run a marathon. It seems like it will come out of my front because of too much force of beating.

I could barely breathe when he finally came in front of me. I almost closed my eyes to savor the moment of him being this close to me. And his perfume... no, that's not familiar to me. He changed his perfume? My heart hurt. Darn. I should've known.

"D-darn." He laughed softly. He looks drunk. No. He is drunk. He is drunk, and he really came here?

"Beatriz? Baby?"

My shoulders fell when I heard it. I felt like a withered leaf when I heard what he said. He called me Beatriz. He mistook me for my twin sister. He thought I was the girl he loved?

I nodded bitterly. I should really stop-

But my eyes immediately widened and almost watered because of what he did next.

"Love... I missed you..." he whispered while pecking at me in my mouth passionately. I remained standing like a statue, and my eyes were as wide as saucers as I watched the good-looking face of the guy I loved so much with now eyes closed while pecking at the lady he hated so much.

I couldn't move. Part of me wanted to push him away, but one side of me wanted him to continue what he was doing.

"Darn. I missed you so much..." he whispered again as his peck continued to intoxicate me.

W-why is he doing this? Does he miss Beatriz? Didn't they see each other? And he thought that I was his fiancé, huh? He doesn't really know me.

And then everything hit me. I tried to push him because my tears were about to fall, and that's what I don't want him to see. To see me weak and pitiful.

"Darn it. Peck back! Please... Just this once."

There. Just his simple request, I cave in. I know it's wrong. I know what I did was so humiliating. But what can I do? I miss him too. I miss him too, even though I know I'm not the person he misses. Because it was my twin sister, it was Trixi Beatriz that he missed—his fiancé.

Once. Just this evening. I'll let myself have him for the last time. Maybe that's possible, right? Because I had him first? I was the first. I was the first love of this guy. This evening... I will cave in. I will give myself one last time. Because tomorrow, tomorrow he will return to his true love.

And we all know that it's not going to be me. Ever again.