C39 The things we do

WARNING! TRIGGERING MATURE CONTENT!

Nikolai's POV

My head swirled with thoughts of today's events as I staggered through my bedroom door. Alcohol did nothing to lighten the load on my chest nor the rage I was feeling. I buried my head in my hands as I sat at the edge of my bed. Why had I let him escape? Why did I do something so stupid?

"Why did I..." I swallowed