C41 Chapter 40

"Angeline, are you okay? Why are you crying?" He asked me worriedly. I couldn't answer because nothing else wanted to come out of my mouth but sobbing. So I just came closer to him and then I hugged him very tightly. He immediately hugged me back and then comforted me.

"I-I love Trigger. So much... I love Tri...gger." I kept saying to Amara while I was hugging her, while she was caressing my back. When I was a little pampered, she took me to her car and Then I told him about Trigger and Ciffer, then I asked for his help.

"Please listen to me, I want to lose my love for Trigger. H-we can't... I also don't want him and Ciffer to break up because of me." Fortunately, she agreed, that's why we went to Mama to the hospital, she was even wondering why I rushed to her in a long gown and then started crying.

Fortunately, I forced Mama to go with Amara in the end. Fortunately, Mama's hospital bill is fully paid, so she can leave the hospital at any time, but the Doctor also advised us that she still needs to be observed, but I want to stay away. Stay away from Trigger and Cipher. Leave their lives for good.

And even though I didn't have a plan for Mama and I, I didn't even know where we were going that night, Amara offered to take us to her Mama's home town but before that she told us that, a poor Bario where we are going.

Mom also bombarded me with questions during our trip. I'm not in the mood to talk. I just want to keep quiet and let the pain I feel consume me but I know if I need to explain to Mama, because she keeps saying that we should go back to our rented house but I don't agree.

What if we go back and Ciffer visits me? Maybe I won't be able to control myself and I will forget everything we owe him, forget that we consider him almost a brother and fight with him. That's the last thing you want if it ever happens. I love Ciffer as my real brother and I just want it to stay that way even though he is one of the reasons why I am hurting now.

And then what if Trigger shows up outside our door? When it came to him, the speed was too fast to give up. Maybe he just told me to go home to his house, I would agree without a second thought. I will forget Mama and especially Ciffer, as well as the pain I feel now because of them and Ciffer.

And for sure, I will never be able to stop myself and I will beg for him. He only loves me. Just forget about Ciffer. Just me. I wish it was me. But it looks like I was wrong in what I thought could happen. We have been living here in Bario for six months and every day I wait to see Trigger at our front door to pick me up back to his house. Because I hope that somehow he cares about me?

I also dreamed that when I saw him in front of our door, that means, he chose me and his marriage with Ciffer didn't go through because mission accomplished if you get his love for Ciffer but like I said I'm just a name. Mom and I don't have a TV here to watch showbiz news, I don't want to open my Facebook because I don't have internet either! But I'm sure even though I don't have news about Ciffer and Trigger for sure the marriage of those two has gone on!

Maybe it's time for me to share news about Ciffer being pregnant with her and Tirgger's first child. Sigh. Actually, it's better that Trigger didn't look for me, the baby in my womb, he's the Daddy. I can only mess with Ciffer's married life on occasion and I don't want that to happen. Yes, Cipher and Trigger hurt me, but that's no reason for me to take revenge on them. I'm not that kind of person.

I just hope that my baby and Trigger will understand when he grows up and looks for his Daddy in me, my current situation. I was lost in a long and deep thought when I heard Aling Miranda's shrill voice saying that we are here at the market.

"Come on, Angeline. There must be a lot of people today because it's Saturday." I nodded and then I followed Aling Miranda.

***

It ended almost seven hours helping Aling Miranda in selling at five o'clock in the afternoon. He gave me my share for helping him today and then I thanked him and said goodbye.

"Looks like your belly has grown even bigger than the last time we met, Angeline!" Potpot told me. Aling Miranda's nephew who is also a fisherman but every afternoon is a tricycle driver.

He is also the one who serves Aling Miranda and I every afternoon when we go home from Bario, but this time I will go home first to Aling Miranda because he will be with his friends at the market to celebrate his birthday. I rubbed my stomach while I smiled and then I turned to look at Potpot.

"Yes, my baby is growing fast." I answered Potpot with a smile. He turned around on my motorcycle to ride while I was about to get into the side-car of the tricycle when I turned my back again.

It's like Potpot is looking at me, or is it just me? It's not the first time I've felt someone looking at me, but when I look for a look, I can't find it. At first I just shrugged my shoulders because maybe I was just imagining it, but I often felt that he was looking at me. That's creepy!