C93 Chapter 92

At first because I was not used to it, it was very difficult. It hurts a lot but over time, I got used to the pain. It became numb with the passing of time and the passing of days, it has become a part of everyday if you live the pain of yesterday.

It was really good and I met Amara plus Terrance. Even though Terrance and I are not that close, when I needed people to lean on and help me, they never left me in the air, especially when Mama could talk with Mr. Steinfield. I smiled bitterly remembering our last conversation, three years ago.

"Son please just a moment... listen to us first." Mama told me and then she hugged me tightly so I wouldn't leave.

"Mom, I told you I was just here to say goodbye." And then I tried to get out of his embrace but it was so tight that I couldn't escape.

"Son, please listen to your Papa and me first." The anger that I was suppressing earlier, it was like lightning that suddenly rushed through my entire system. And this time I couldn't really stop myself, I violently turned to him because he wanted to break free from my embrace. He even stepped back and I thought he was going to fall completely from where he was standing, it's good that Mr. is just behind him. Steinfield to support him.

"Angeline." Mr. calmly scolded me. Steinfield. I glared at him and then sighed.

"You yourself choose what will be the end of everything Ma, I really need you now but it seems you need someone else." I said coldly to Mama.

"Son, understand... I love Raoul." Mom answered me. The next few breaths became fast because of what Mama said. The word frustration is not enough to describe whatever I feel right now.

"MA! Do you hear what you're saying?!" I asked him angrily. I feel so much pain, I haven't even been able to move on from the loss of my baby, even though it's been a few months.

"Did you get amnesia? Did I feed you that so you could forget what happened? Do I really need to remind you? Or maybe that man charmed you!"

"Angelina, son! Listen to your Papa and me first." Mama insisted.

"Mom! Stop! Just f ucking stop! Can you hear yourself? He's not Papa! Papa's been gone for a long time! Stop this nonsense, Ma! And can you not sympathize with Papa, he has been silent for a long time in heaven!"

"Angeline, child, forgive me, I lied to you." Mom answered me.

"W-what the hell..." Part of me doesn't want to believe but I don't know... what kind of marriage in my heart has suddenly formed. Do you know that feeling of being so excited because if it's true finally... I'll have a Papa too, I can feel what it feels like to have a Father but of course that's just up to my imagination.

Papa's face has been erased from my memories, so whenever I imagine that Mama and I would have a whole family, Papa's face is always blank.

Mama came to me again, this time she held both hands and then she begged to look directly into my eyes.

"Forgive me son, if I lied. If only... if only you would give us your Papa..." And then he turned to Mr. Steinfield nodded to him. "...a chance to shine." With so much that has happened and is happening, I feel like I will never be able to absorb whatever they tell me.

"Mom! His son is my wife! Have you forgotten about Trigger?" Trigger shook his head one after the other while also crying non-stop.

"That's right..." His answer was weak. "You remember it, so why? What is it? What does it mean? I've only been missing from home for a few days." Sad to say to him. Mama gently squeezed my hand and then smiled sadly at me.

"I-I know and if only you knew I'm so sorry that I told you the truth just now. If only then, maybe it wouldn't have come to this... I was scared. I was scared of the end of all of this, so I just kept it a secret, but if I only knew that this was the end of everything. No. I wouldn't have kept it a secret."

"Believe it or not, Raoul is really your Papa." Are you saying we're brothers... Trigger and I are brothers?" No! It's not possible! I don't want it! I don't want Trigger to be my brother! Not in this life time or next life time! No! It's never possible! One after another Mama shook her head which confused my mind.

"Son, if only you would really come inside and let us relax with your dad." Mom still requests me. Now I'm the next one to shake my head. No! I don't want it! Whatever they say, I don't want to hear it! I don't want to know! I will never accept that!

"Not now, Ma. I feel like I'm going to go crazy with what I'm going to find out. I don't want to. I don't want to know, not now." And then I let go of Mama's grip and completely left the Steinfields' house. It's good that Amara has time to join me here and wait until I finish.

My tears fell one after the other as I walked farther and farther away from the mansion, where was one of the few people I had and loved so much. Mom Did I really lose Baby as well as Mama? Is this really how I was with my past life and this is how fate is punishing me now?

"Angeline..." Amara said to me worriedly. I shook my head one after the other and then sadly smiled at him and then I hugged him tightly. I thought that when I was hugged and felt that there was still someone there for me somehow I would feel comfort. But why is that? Do I hurt more?

"You need closure to move forward Angeline. We can't help you if you can't even help yourself." That was the only advice Terrance gave me when we once met at Amara's condo, but believe it or not, what he said had such an impact on me that it was as if he gave me an idea in a dark and confused mind

"Mom! That's not possible, he's Trigger's dad!