C1 Dysphoria and Divorce
Excruciating pain! That's what Elaine felt. She was infertile; unable to bear a child, and was on the verge of losing her marriage.
It's hard to mourn the loss of something that you've never had but happens once every month. It's hard to not blame yourself and feel like you've failed. It's hard to run away from; the disappointment, the tears, and the jealousy. It's hard to put on a mask and pretend you're okay when deep down inside, you're drowning and you can't come out. Sometimes, you feel useless and want to call it quits. You wake up and start a new day with questions, wondering when to give it all up, and pray to God to save you from drowning in your tears.
Every day as the evening sets, the ache in her heart builds. She hugs her tear-stained pillow and screams without a sound.
She is asked if she is fine and she replies, "Oh yes, I'm fine. I'm good." But when you look into her eyes, you see struggles, pains, and agony.
She forces a smile amidst it all and says, "I'll be fine. This is only a phase, and I'll get by somehow." But then, she begins to doubt her words; she loses her hope and dreams.
Five years hadn't healed her wounds or helped quieted her fears. So, every night, she lies on her bed lonely as she shed those silent tears.
Elaine had been married to her sweetheart five years ago and still had no child. They dated for two years before getting married, making a total of seven years being together but all that while, she was unable to get pregnant.
Her husband, Jason Reed, is a wealthy and well respected man. He had promised Elaine that he wouldn't love her less if she couldn't bear him a child. He loved her and that was all that mattered.
Or at least, that's what she believed.
There she was, sitting down dejectedly in front of the gynecologist who looked empathically at her. She was her doctor for five years and she understood exactly how Elaine felt when she got the same result over and over again. She felt sadder about the news she was about to break to her.
"Jason brought a woman here for a pregnancy checkup." She broke out and sad Elaine turned sharply to her.
"What are you talking about? My Jason would never do that." She said reassuringly. The doctor sighed heavily.
"Sadly, he did."
Feeling insulted, Elaine grabbed her bag and left the office.
'How dare that lady try to accuse my Jason?' She seethed as she was rushing out of the hallway.
Amid her rush, she bumped into Claire, her ex-friend.
Claire seemed elated to see her former friend.
"Hello, Elaine. How are you? Hope you're pregnant." She was being sarcastic as a smirk formed on her small lips.
"I don't have time for your silly drama." Elaine tried to move but Claire didn't let her.
"Before you leave, I must let you know that I'm carrying a child," She spoke proudly and that was when Elaine noticed her little baby bump.
"And guess who this lovely child belongs to?" She rubbed her tummy with pride and looked at Elaine with disdain.
"How am I supposed to know that? One of your f**kmates?" Elaine scoffed. She was even disgusted by the thought of that.
"Of course, but guess who this mate is? Your husband!" Claire exclaimed and laughed.
Elaine found her statement funny and chuckled a little.
"My husband? Are you trying to be funny right now? I have way other better things to do right now and you're in my way, now, piss off."
She wanted to leave but Claire waved a file in her face.
"You don't believe me? Take a look at it. It's a paternity test. That's the only evidence you need, you infertile bitch." She cursed and kept the file in Elaine's hand.
Her hands were shaking after reading the report. Jason had brought Claire to the hospital? So, the story was true? She was devastated. It should have been anyone but her former friend. Anyone at all.
Claire snatched the papers from her hand.
"Happy now? Of course, you are. Your husband is finally going to be a father after so many years and his first child is coming from me, and not you. Run along now."
She tried to leave but Elaine dragged her back.
"Hey!" Claire snapped.
"Don't play games with me, Claire. What's the meaning of this? You're now lying just to get him?" Her voice cracked and tears threatened to fall out of her eyes. She didn't want to believe the story was true.
"Mind how you touch me. I'm the only child of my mother. Unlike you who is not even sure if her mother knows her father. You're all a family of sluts and infertile bitches!" Claire spat and before Elaine could think, her hand moved and landed on Claire's pretty face. It came as a shock to Claire; she wasn't expecting it and somehow, found herself on the floor.
The pains she felt were nothing compared to the eye-turning slap she had just received. Instead of a retaliating slap, Elaine saw crimson blood rush slowly out of her gown.
Her eyes widened in shock. Did a single slap cause that?
Claire wailed in pain and the nurses nearby rushed to her aid. Elaine was too shocked to leave the hospital so she stayed back, waiting to confirm that Claire was fine.
After several minutes of waiting, she saw an angry-looking woman charging toward her.
She recognized her to be Claire's mother.
Her hand came in contact with her face immediately, halting Elaine from finishing her sentence.
"You are so dead meat if what I heard is true." She pointed angrily at her before walking inside her daughter's ward.
Elaine sat down tiredly.
'Why is the universe always against me?' She thought and just when she thought things couldn't get any worse, she saw her husband entering the hospital with his lawyer. When he got closer, she stood up with a small smile but he walked past her as though she was invisible.
'Did he just walk past me?' That was reality dawned on her. She connected the dots and everything was true. And looking at the bump, he had been cheating on her for a while.
"Oh my God!" She gasped and looked at the lawyer who stood outside the ward.
"He promised me he would love me no matter what." She told herself. "Then, where is that attitude coming from?"
She wanted to cry and scream but the tears weren't coming forth and she seemed to have lost her voice.
Her husband whom she did everything to please, who promised to be with her forever and not judge her for being infertile, was now the one snubbing her.
Her entire life was a mess.
Jason came out of the ward with his hands in his pocket. He looked like he was about to kill someone and that person was his wife.
When Elaine sighted him, she stood up.
"What's going on? Hope she's fine." She asked frantically.
"You care? You actually care but you hit her and now the child is gone? You're a joke, Elaine. A big joke. Till now, I'm still wondering why I married you." He spoke with hate in his eyes.
She couldn't believe her ears. Was he really saying that to her? His wife whom he promised to love and to cherish, for better or worst?
She grabbed the top button of her cloth as she looked away from him in confusion.
Jason looked at his lawyer and his lawyer nodded. He handed some papers over to the confused Elaine.
"What's this?" She asked.
"Take a look." The lawyer said. Jason sneered and adjusted his standing position.
"Hans, what is this?" She asked, almost trembling.
"Open the papers, miss." The lawyer spoke more aggressively this time. She flinched and began bringing out the papers.
Her eyes dilated in shock as she read the heading.