C6 Failure

"Tell me about the first man on this list," he said.

What if I don't wanna tell him anything about him? He doesn't even need to know him, and why does it matter to him?

I know that I express all of my feelings through my songs but I don't think it's okay to talk about my private life. The only thing that I let the public to know is my feelings and how I cope up with it. Not that I want them to know th whole story and who the people is and what he or she is to me.

This is the wrong thing about media. When you gave them a bit of something personal they bite in to it and make a story like they freaking know you from head to toe and the story that well. They publish lies without knowing the whole background that frustrates me but I'm used to it.

Now look at Braxton who wants me to share my private life.

"I don't wanna talk about it, Braxton."

His brows raised. There's nothing to be confused Braxton, and no need to raise your brow because it's making you look more handsome than you should be.

I'm not gonna lie.

He is handsome, that's all. It's actually irritating, how can someone be so gorgeous right?

And there's a person like me who is just normal. There's nothing wrong with being normal but it shows how different our worlds could be. It's actually a challenge when you are born looking normal because people will like you for your personality and goodness rather than your looks.

How I wish I have known that before…

"So how will you help me?" he asked.

I lean back the chair, defeated.

"How could this even help you? This is just a stupid list." I crumpled the paper even more in my hands so he won't get it anymore, proving to him that it is indeed nonsense.

His eyes remained on the paper, then he out it back on mine.

"For you, it's stupid but I'm curious about it. It seems interesting."

Slowly, I'm beggining to think that he only hired me so he can amuse himself with his brling life as a CEO. I mean I'm no CEO but I think that it can be boring as fuck. You just sit in your office all day. Sign and approved papers.

Attend meetings, decided what's the result and choose some great ideas then you fly with your jet to do all the same things again and again!

For sure the money is good as a CEO but the social life? Mental health? How can he handle all that? He must be so good at time management. I can't do it right like him. Maybe his father trained him early, unlike mine who doesn't really seem to care about my well being, maybe that why I ended up like this. But who is to blame but only myself? I have the choice to do things right that will lead me to greatness but even if I put a lot of effort it's still not working.

Maybe it's also timing but I doubt it. A man like Braxton doesn't need timing because he decides and that's it.

I squinted my eyes. "Does this amuse you?"

"Maybe. So tell me about it."

"This is personal Braxton. Shouldn't we talk about something else---" He cut me off.

"Exactly. This is about your personal life Ms. Vena. Not your professional work. I hired you for your personal expertise when it comes to flirting."

"It doesn't seem right to me until now," I said.

I only signed the contract with him because I was desperate to get away with the media. There are tons of them that day. I don't know what to do, and I don't have anyone.

It's terrifying.

"It doesn't need to sound right for you."

I sighed.

Alright.

"But are we really gonna talk about this in your office? Aren't you a businessman who is obviously busy?" I asked.

"Then make it quick." As if! Did he think that telling a story is easy without any background of the things that happened before that?

No!

Because you need to established everything so he would know the right points and get the idea that I want him to learn and apply with his life.

"Excuse me, I can't do this in five minutes alright? This ain't a pitch. You can't pressure me like that."

"We can go to the private room and I'll cancel my appointments for today," he said.

Did I hear him right? Does he have a private room? And he will cancel his appointments because of this?

Is he out of his mind?

Or he just really needs my help.

Is he that desperate for flirting advice?

"Just because of this? Aren't you going to make your company collapse? And a private room? What the heck are you using the private room for?"

"Don't be ridiculous. That's not how it works. It won't collapse if I'm gone for an hour."

"Is that why you fool around?" I asked.

"I'm not fooling around Ms. Vena, and if you can't do your job we would need to terminate your contract."

I glared at him.

I'm sure that he would use my contract all the time to make me obey him. Well what he wants me to do is not that hard I just need to find a way to not tell him almost everything.

"I can do my job Sir." I smiled fakely, I didn't even try to hide how fake it was to show him that I'm only doing it for convenience and not because I want to help him.

It's not like I don't want to help him but I'm still confused as to how his reason is true.

"Give me the list," he said.

I rolled my eyes and handed it to him.

"Actually he is not my ex."

His eyebrows raised.

"Who is this guy?"

"My crush."

"That's so high school," he said.

"Because it is highschool." Duh. Of course it is highschool. What is he expecting? That I had my first crush at this age?

Hello?

I've been condemned and judged because I have a lot of ex and some flings that people are talking about. Even a guy that is just close to me is labeled as my boyfriend even if I don't know him at all.

"So? What happened?" he asked.

"Well, he has a girlfriend so I didn't do anything. I like him but that's just it. I know my place and I would never act on my feelings with him because it's wrong. I like him but I would never go to that point of stealing someone that is not yours or wrecking someone else's relationship. Because I believe in karma," I said.

It is true.

Eugene was the handsome man in our school back then. He is popular and he plays sports just like any popular guy in highschool movies. Just like any other movies, he has a hot cheerleader girlfriend as well.

I'm just nobody and I knew it.

No one knows who I am. Besides, his girlfriend is a bitch. I don't wanna fight with her. She made the girls who try their chance with Eugene live in fear.

Call me a coward but I don't want to be like them. I'm okay watching him from afar because ei know that I wouldn't get any chance with him.

"That's it?"

"Yes." I nodded.

"Well that's a bummer. That's so quick. You didn't even try to tell him your feelings?"

"I didn't. See? It only proves that this lost is stupid." I try to convince him.

He shook his head and stood up. "No it's not."

I look up to him. He really won't give up.

"How?" I asked.

"You like him because?"

"Aren't you even listening to me Braxton?"

I don't know what's up with his questions but is he really listening? Or does he even have an idea why a girl likes someone?

"There's a reason why you like him. I want to be that guy."

What the hell?

Am I hearing this right?

He wants to be someone that I liked before?

Is he out of his mind or what?

I'm really confused. I think I should be the one in therapy.

In real therapy.

"You want to be the guy that I liked?" I was confused.

"No, I want to be the guy that girls like."

My forehead creased. "Are you kidding me? You already are!"

I scanned the room and tried to look for a mirror near him but there was none. So I stood up from my chair and faced him. Look him straight in the eye.

He is stunned because of what I did.

I licked my lips as I stared at him. His eyes looked back at mine. Suddenly I don't have the courage to utter a word.

"What?" he asked.

"Are you hungry?" Shit. Out of all the things I could ask, this is what I came up with?

His eyebrows furrowed. He moved away from me and so do I.

"I mean, you're probably hungry because you're thinking nonsense Braxton. You're already perfect, there's nothing to improve–" he cut me off.

"That's not a good mindset Ms. Vena. No wonder your works are mediocre." He crossed his arms.

"What?" Did he just say that my work is mediocre? Fuck this guy!

"You heard me. There is always room for improvement Ms. Vena. I might seem like a perfect man but here I am hearing you rant about the things that I asked you to do, that you will benefit from."

I gulped.

Well he is kind of right though.

"Okay, maybe my mindset is wrong."

He shrugged it off and move don to his next question.

"Alright, where is the guy now?"

My head tilted.

"I actually don't know." It's true. I don't know where he is now. He must be somewhere living his best life. In fact he might not even remember me at all. Of course who would remember a failing person?

I'm just nothing to anyone. I don't really make an impact or a mark that hey this is Artemesia, I'm good for something. Because I really don't. Even in my career.

I'm a failure.

I'm a failure everywhere, even if I keep on pushing and trying to do my best.

I also don't have luck with men.

Considering that I have a list of exes. I'm a flirt, whore and slut to everyone.

I sighed.

If this works out for Braxton maybe I'll just do this thing as a career.

I'm a flirt therapist. Is there such a thing like that?

If there's none then I would make one.

But how can they trust me if this will work out as what I told them if I don't even have a relationship with someone?

If all of my relationships fail?

Damn. I'm really a failure.

"Have you ever heard of him?" he asked.

I shook my head. "No."

After highschool I moved on with my boring life. That's when I started to find peace and serenity in writing poems that became songs. I learned a lot of instruments during the time when everyone is going out and having fun with their friends in summer or with their families. I was never really close to anyone when I was a teenager. Even to my own family but music is always there. Through every experience and emotions I'm going through.

"Did you search for him on any social media accounts?" he asked.

"I don't need to, Braxton. Enough about me, let's talk about the girl that you want to impress."

"Can I see her? Do you have a picture?"

"That's too personal Ms. Vena," he said.

"Yes, just like my relationships that we are talking about Braxton."

"Come on, so I can get a sense of what she likes in a guy. And as you have mentioned already. Do you have an Instagram? Twitter? Or anything?"

He fixed his collar. "No."

"You should create one."

"What for?" he asked.