C19 I can handle myself

The room remained heavy with the weight of the doctor’s explanation. Zack stood stiffly to the side, his jaw clenched as if the doctor’s words had struck a nerve. Rae shifted uncomfortably, her gaze darting between the doctor and me.

A panic attack. It felt like such a small word for something that had made me completely unable to move and left me vulnerable and exposed. Nausea, the racing heart, the paralyzing emotions that turned my limba into useless, dead, and frozen things. My chest still ached, and thoughts of Alex’s cruel words replayed continuously in my mind.

“You’ll need to take it easy, Mrs. Holmes,” the doctor continued, his tone calm but firm. “Stress is a major trigger, and given what you’ve just experienced, I’d strongly recommend avoiding any further confrontations or emotionally beating situations for the time being. Your body needs time to recover, both physically and emotionally, and if at all, you find yourself in such situations, before the words get to you, practice heavy breaths, have a glass of warm water at your side all the time, and most importantly, just remember to breathe," the doctor explained and I watched the two people in the room take mental notes of the doctor's words.

I nodded silently, the words sinking in like lead. Avoid stress. As if that was even possible in my life.

The doctor gave a few more instructions to the nurses before turning back to me. “We’ll keep you under observation for the next 48 hours. If there are no further pains and recurrence of the attack, we’ll consider discharging you," he said and I heaved a sigh of relief.

"But you must follow up with a therapist or counselor, panic attacks often have underlying causes that need to be addressed, or it might escape to something big and serious," he explained and I smiled wryly, uncomfortable that the people in the room were listening in on it.

“I’ll make sure she gets the help she needs,” Zack interjected.

"The Holmes always have a therapist available," Zack said. "I don't think that'll be a good idea, Mr. Holmes, having an in-house therapist might not help, because with therapy, she needs to be free with her therapist and that might not necessarily work with your men," the doctor cut in.

"Try other therapists from outside, so that you know your sessions are kept private," The doctor said before leaving with the nurses, the room falling silent once again. Rae busied herself with tidying up, her usual chatter absent as she avoided looking directly at me.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” Zack said, stepping closer to the bed. His eyes searched mine, his expression unreadable. “If I’d known Alex was going to pull something like that—”

“Don’t,” I interrupted, shaking my head. “None of this is your fault, Zack.”

"I think we'll need to make sure something like this doesn't happen, he's my brother but he also needs to be taught a good lesson," Zack said, his tone laced with an underlying secret between us.

"That'd make things more complicated Zack, you don't have to get involved in this, it's just between him and me," I said.

"You're the one who shouldn't do anything, act oblivious about it and I'll take care of it," Zack said, cutting in on my words.

I wanted to argue, to tell him he wasn’t responsible for putting Alex back on track, but I only managed a muffled murmur.

“Rae,” I said, clearing my throat and forcing my voice to steady, “you mentioned my father earlier. Has he really been coming every day?”

“Yes, Mrs Holmes,” Rae replied, “He’s been worried sick about you,"

"And judging by the time, he should be here anytime soon..." She barely completed it when a knock resounded on the door.

"I'll go check who it is," She said, quickening her steps to the door.

"It's your father, Mrs Holmes, should I let him in?" She asked and I nodded wordlessly, I didn't have the heart to ignore him after hearing that he'd been coming every day.

"Thank goodness you're awake Sofia," my father said, walking as fast as he could toward me.

"How are you, are you okay? You seem stressed, has the doctor come to check up on you?" He asked, his face torn with fury.

My eyes brimmed with tears of his concern for me, he didn't try to hide it and I was glad he didn't.

"You —you shouldn't have gotten me married to that monster father," I mumbled, picking up my fingers, as I tried to hold back my tears.

"I know—and I'm sorry, I made a huge mistake with that, and I'm trying everything I can to make it right, I'm going to find out who was behind the drugs and I promise I'll make it right," He said, gingerly holding his hands out to hold mine.

“It’s fine,” I said, sniffing back my tears. I wanted to say more, to tell him how broken I felt, how much his decision to tie me to Alex had fractured me. But the words lodged in my throat, and all I could do was hold his gaze, silently pleading for a solution.

“It's not fine, Sofia,” my father said, his voice shaking with guilt. “I know I’ve failed you, but I swear, I will make this right. You deserve so much better than this.”

"Thank you, but I think you all need to rest too, Rae," I called.

"Yes Mrs. Holmes," "You should go back home, take a good nap, and then you can come back, I wouldn't want you to collapse as well," she shook her head in refusal, shifting closer to the bed.

"I'm fine Mrs Holmes, I can stay until you're discharged," she argued.

I swiped my tongue over my dry lips, holding my hands out to stop her.