C5 May I See

I don’t know how many more times I’ve rolled my eyes at this place from where I’m sitting now, only the few rattles of dishes and whatever else I can hear from the silence of the two of us.

Our eyesight was right again and I seemed to be burned so I averted my gaze again. How many times did i do that? I've lost my count. About thirty minutes maybe we sat here at one of the coffee shop tables just a few corners from where we came from earlier.

I thought it was in his prison that I would be directed but I was relieved because he took me here. I also don't know why he brought me here but I don't care what it is anymore, the important thing is that I still have time to feel sorry for him because I don't know what I will do if it happens again in Solidad. . I haven't even apologized for the accident, now I'm going to give them another embarrassment.

"Who are you?" I was shocked when he suddenly spoke. "H-ha?"

The crack of my voice was so clear. So when he smirked when he heard that, I couldn't think.

"Forgive me. I'm not going there again. Trust me, just don't put me in jail. I'll be upset when the Solids find out that--"

I begged him and I couldn't continue because it looked like I could no longer control the words in my mouth because Solidads are private people and I can't just tell them to others. I haven't thought about it all, as long as it's important to me that it doesn't get to the Solids. He stared at me with a bored look when a slight smile crept on his face and he started to laugh.

I couldn't help but frown at what he did because it seemed like a while ago I almost froze in fear of him, now he is here and laughing. He slightly touched the bridge of his nose and licked his lips then looked at me blankly.

"Why should I forgive you, then?"

He seemed even more challenging to tell me. I just bowed down and seemed to be giving up on what I wanted to happen. If only I knew something like this would happen I should't have gone there. I just let out a sigh and when I felt the heat in my eyes I immediately turned my head so he wouldn’t see it. I hate myself. I feel so drained after everything that happened since last night and here I am, tried to convince someone but gave up. I did go there yes, but if I only knew that there were buildings that were being built there I wouldn't go.

I was just trying to ... rest. I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes even though I knew he saw me, I still tried to pretend that nothing had happened. If this is what I have to suffer for that mistake then I don't have a choice but to take it.

"O-okay." I wanted to add more words but I couldn't stop the sighing I was feeling, a mixture of tiredness, pain, worry, and sadness. I swallowed one after another, nervous because I didn't know what to do next.

We're both silent for how many seconds and I can feel how sweet he looks at me. I couldn’t help but look at him because I was bent over, afraid to see what he really felt. Silence was almost eating me up when he suddenlypicked up his phone.

"Coffee shop, 7 blocks."

He said to what he called and reluctantly put the phone back on the table which broke our silence. Maybe that's the authorities he called. I just closed my eyes tightly and surrendered to everything. So this is where I'll end huh? Prison?

"You're a Solidad? You don't look like one."

I raised my head at what he said. I slightly felt a sting when he said those words. Who would have thought that I was one of the Solidads, here I am, a scoundrel who associates with them.

"No. I'm not Solidad. T-that's just where I'm staying."

I tried to crept a smile but failed. If before I wasn't sure how I felt, now it's just self -shame. You are pathetic Cyreese. I stared at his eyes with a dim sight of it. He looks so blank at me now and I'm still staring at him. Maybe it's disgusting to look at someone like me. I only lost sight of him when a man approached him, wearing a black suit and looked so shut. I just looked up and looked at the height of it, I looked back and forth at the two of them.

"We'll take you home." Lourd said coldly and stood up to leave.

I didn't have time to speak because he had already left and the man who came followed him. I can't think straight and with a blank mind, I stood up and followed them.

When I came out, a black and elegant car was in front of me while the man before was holding the open door and inside was the man I had just talked to. I stopped because I had no plans to deliver any more, did I think I would continue to the prison? I can't think straight.

He looked at me darkly, "Get in."

With a thousand questions on my mind, I just went in and tried to ignore the nervousness I was feeling. I don't have time to ask questions, the important thing is that I don't stay in prison. I just looked out the window and waited to arrive at the Solidads' house.

I slammed the book I was reading because no matter what I did I couldn’t understand it. My mind and my eyes aren't cooperating well. I'm so out of focused and I hate it. That guy won't leave my mind alone. After he took me his driver I still wanted to say thank you but it seems like he just didn't care who ordered his driver to leave. I don't know if I should be offended about his attitude or I should be just thankful because I'm here and not in prison. I could do nothing but get up from my bed and go out of the room to find something to do.

It was almost 8:30 in the evening and the heavy rain outside was present like last night. I couldn't do anything because there were no Solidads and no one was ordering me, all the housework had already been done by other housemates. The thought of me staying here for a week because of my injury bothers me. Now that I haven't had a whole day here at home I can't do anything else so I can stay here for a week. I'm used to being alone but I don't want to see myself out of myself after a week of being so bored.

It's been a week and I'm slowly losing sight of what happened in my mind. I have finished the book I am reading. Plants don’t want to listen to me anymore. Naikot kor that whole house.

Basically, I was bored the day before. I walked down the hallway outside the room I came from. The Solidads' house has three floors. There are only three rooms on the second floor, the guest room, my room, and Solidad's office where they always spent their time. I couldn’t help but stare at that door and fall into deep thought.

"You're a Solidad? You don't look like one."

Those words echoes in my mind.

There's this kind of people in this world. Those who were blessed enough to have everything yet still lacks in the sensitivity of taking everything for granted. And those people who are not privilege but rich in happiness, inner peace and not in material goods.

The Solidad's always spent their time on their own but at least once in a while they manage to meet each other. They are happy, I guess. But where am I? Where am I? I don’t know where my place is. I'm not a Solidad but I have all of this. I met the gap between me and that door and I was a bit unsure while holding the knob of it. Without Solidads, I won't last long.

I still convinced myself. I slowly opened it and the classic distinctive atmosphere welcomed me. Like the overall design of the Solidads house also most of its design and furniture are made of wood and obviously never missed to wipe. it look so classic and got a personality in it. Here the Solidads spend their time just for the comfort of their lives. I went in completely and just left the door open because I really had no intention of staying long. The large photo of the Solidad family grabs the attention of this room. The papers and furniture on the wide table were neatly arranged. There are so many books here that you can't see any traces of dirt or dust. This is not the first time I have been able to enter this room because the Solidads once ordered me when they were here but that is rare because often only the real housemates in this room can enter apart from them. T

hey didn't forbid me or tell me but I also didn't tend to ask questions and insist so after I looked around the whole room I turned around to leave. I was stunned when I turned my back on a figure of a familiar man I saw again at the door. I immediately touched my chest because I felt like I was about to collapse into panic and shock.

"W-what are you doing here?"

I even asked him. I don't know how many days since I last saw him. I almost forgot what had happened, including how I would treat his wound ... or his stares at me. So I was definitely shocked to see him here again! He just raised the papers he was holding and shifted his gaze behind me to where the table in this room was.

My eyes can't focus on him because I was too scared to look at him. I wanted to ask a lot but I wasn't in the place to do that so I just swallowed and slowly walked to the door to hopefully leave.

I just gave him a raw smile hoping he would feel what I wanted to say because he was blocking the same door jamb. I can't blame him. His frame was to wide to give some space forme.

"Are you taking your meds regularly?"

He asked.

"Hmm?" I still wonder, "Uhm, yes."

I thought after that he would let me pass but,

"Eat downstairs."

"H-ha? Yes."

I can't look straight because of the small distance between the two of us. Why is he here and at this time? Has he been here before and I just didn’t know because I just locked myself in the room? By the looks of him, he doesn't look like he just passed by.

"I'm staying here because of a project if that's what you wanna know."

I just smiled sweetly at him and didn't realize that was what I wanted to ask before. I just nodded and signaled to leave and secretly thanked him because he got it. He just sneezed and stepped aside a little so I could pass. I hurried down the corridor of the second floor to the stairs because the wind was not blowing well there. I calmed myself.

Because maybe he is one of the co -workers of Solidad, maybe he has jobs here in Samar. But this is probably the first time I've had Solidads left here for a while? Solidads are gone and I'm worried because there's a new person here at home, I don't know him and we haven't even talked to Solidads. It doesn't matter and they are not obliged to tell me everything. I must learn to not stick my nose on others' business.

From the time I ate until I did the chores I was no longer very mentally fit and forced to entertain myself. So I just took my sketch book that Oli gave me last year for my birthday. He found out that I love to draw so this is what he gave me.

Because I also have nothing to entertain, if I get tired and bored of reading I just take it and here I draw. I chose to stay in the pool area to get some inspiration. This is how I work almost every day.

Then with a few house chores I would go around almost every corner of this house. But more often if not on the beach I am here because I can still see the vast sea and the fresh air here. I sat down a few steps of the stairs that are here.

The breeze was cold because of the recent rain and I ignored it. The breath taking view that I always used to see never fails to amaze me. In the morning you can see the colorful surroundings because of the trees and the blue sea but now only the star is with me.

I seem to have forgotten my purpose here because I just hugged my sketchbook and stared at the stars.

"Good."

I breathed while looking at the sky with millions of lights. It look so pretty, so pretty that it will make you sad. I can’t help but be sentimental because of the beauty it gives me. Before, I used to stare at those and it's different. Everything was just so different.

I bet it's more beautiful way back then. For sure, staring at those with a smile and on my face and not carrying any worry and pain will be much different. What a shame, because I only have them. I held back the tears that welled up in my eyes and just opened my handcuffs and continued for almost a week of finishing. I also drew a lot but it took me the longest time because lately I've been immersing myself in studying.t doing my school projects.

Drawing some structural design. Yes, chasing after this dream was so suffocating. It used to be so easy to say and find a reason for this dream. There's always this reason and inspiration that comes with it. But now I'm lost, it's hard for everyone to continue if you have no reason to continue. You don’t even know why and for what. It was so suffocating that I have no choice but to breath because that's what it is.

That's my only choice.

"Is that what you're takin 'up?"

I don't have to look back because he's the only one who can own that voice. I shook my head smiled while shading some part of my work.

"Hopefully, after my last year."

I looked at him for a while because he was already sitting beside me. I could not escape the moment of meeting his thick eyebrows.

"But, I'm not sure yet because I don't want to rely on Solidads."

I proceeded. It's true. I was planning to work after I graduate because I am already very grateful to Solidad and I don't want to rely on them for the next steps I need to take. If I want to be an Architect, I should chase it on my own. Without the help of anybody. I can feel him looking intently at me. And I don't even know why I'm suddenly talking to him. Is it an effect of the drugs I take or the stars? I was stunned and stopped what I was doing.

I, again looked up to the sky secretly blaming them for the cause of my sentiments. I turned my gaze back to him and smiled sweetly at him. He look so serious that I can't even read him. I can't fathom the look on his face.

"But you have a potential. It's a shame if it'll just go to waste."

He said while looking at me.

"May I see."

He took the sketchbook I was holding, I can feel the gap of breath suddenly and uncontrollably shy. He is an engineer and it is unlikely that he has handled so many projects and he may think my work is just rubbish. He is now slowly staring at what I have drawn. It was a house near the beach just like what I use to dream years ago for my family.

I remember very well how I promised my father that I would fulfill his dream of building that house on the exact site of our hut. I was so positive of it, before.

He was looking at it intently and I can't help but to notice the perfection of him. I realized that his thick eyebrows naturally turns flat when he concentrates. He read his lower lip and tilted his head. I was afraid of his possible criticism a while ago but now all of a sudden it all fade away.

"Is this your own work?" He asked. I nodded slowly at his question. He shook his head and said,

"You can't just let this go into waste."

His eyes widened as he turned to me again and returned what he had taken. I could do nothing but return him with a smile, like, smile seems to solve everything.

"If you have your concerns about this I can always give my thoughts. Since I'll be staying in here for a while. Hmm?"

He gently said. It seemed to pinch my heart because of what he said. He seems to be saying that he will teach me the profession I want. I couldn’t help but smile at the little pleasure I felt. Not sure if his offer or his stay what makes me really happy. For the first time since everybody left I felt this feeling of not being alone.