C36

Cheng Cheng turned on his computer and typed in the word "gay" into the search. He then sat in front of the computer and read every word, afraid that he would miss a key word. His hand trembled a little as he clicked the mouse. Then he turned the page, his eyes on the computer screen, his ears listening to everything that was happening outside.

No, it must not be like this. I must be too young to know what I like, so I think I like my older brother. This wasn't like at all, it was just a type of reliance. Cheng Cheng shut off his laptop in a fluster and lied on the table, feeling extremely troubled.

"You're disgusting. You're gay. I left such a person at home. " Cheng Hanlong was carrying a big bag full of Cheng Cheng's stuff in the house. He threw it to Cheng Cheng and told him to leave quickly.

Cheng Cheng held Cheng Hanlong's leg, crying as he begged, "Brother, I'm not, I really am not. Don't kick me out."

Cheng Hanlong took his hand away in disgust and dragged him towards the door. Get out of here. I see you can't even eat. "Abnormal!" Cheng Hanlong dragged Cheng Cheng from the ground to the door and prepared to close it.

Cheng Cheng stuck to the door and stuck his body inside. Seeing that, Cheng Hanlong kicked Cheng Cheng out with an expression of disgust. Cheng Cheng used all his strength to press against the door, shouting non-stop, "Brother, don't be like this, I can't, I'll change …"

"I won't be able to do it again, ah …" Cheng Cheng woke up from his dream. Cheng Hanlong also woke up when he heard the sound. He sat up and turned on the lamp and saw that Cheng Cheng's forehead was covered in sweat.

Cheng Cheng rubbed his eyes. There really seemed to be water vapor in them. The dream was clearly answered in his mind. Cheng Cheng felt that he was breathing heavily.

Cheng Hanlong straightened his back and asked, "What happened? What are you dreaming about that scared you like this. "

Cheng Cheng still hadn't woken up from his shock, he grabbed Cheng Hanlong's hand and nervously asked, "Brother, no matter what kind of person I am, you won't let me leave right?"

"Why would I let you go if I had nothing better to do?" Who's going to cook for me? What are you thinking about all day? " Cheng Hanlong was a bit confused, so he used his hand to wipe the sweat off Cheng Hanlong's forehead.

"Yes." "I will make you delicious food everyday, but don't let me go just because of this. If I leave, you won't get used to eating from anyone." Cheng Cheng mumbled randomly.

Cheng Hanlong only thought that he was scared silly by his dream and was spreading hysteria there. He turned off the light and told Cheng Cheng to go back to sleep.

Cheng Cheng lay on the pillow and looked at Cheng Hanlong, who immediately fell asleep again. Under the moonlight, he looked really handsome. His breath felt intoxicating to Cheng Cheng. Since when did he start to feel uneasy even when he was sleeping next to his brother?

"Mm …" Cheng Hanlong turned around and faced Cheng Cheng with his face facing him. He then put his hand on Cheng Cheng's waist. "Cheng Cheng immediately drew back, afraid that he would react. He wondered how many nights it had been since he was hugged by Cheng Hanlong. Cheng Cheng was no longer as relieved as he was before.

This huge bed no longer looked as spacious as it did when he was young. Sometimes, Cheng Hanlong's hand would unconsciously touch somewhere on Cheng Cheng. If Cheng Cheng was sleeping, then it would be better. This would immediately cause Cheng Cheng to recall some things as if it was a conditioned reflex, then he would naturally feel ashamed and remorseful.

Since when did he become so evil?

Cheng Cheng read a story, a gay couple without the family and social identity has been repeatedly subjected to personal attacks, the originally unforgettable love becomes so fragile in the face of reality. In the end, the other party entered the marriage. The other party spent all day drinking and drinking, but they were all scorned by the world.

No one would tolerate such abnormal feelings, let alone a brother. He didn't think that two people would be challenged one day, because he knew his brother was so normal. As long as he could accept it, did not hate himself, and did not chase him away, then that would be the best result.

From the initial suspicion to the final confirmation, it took Cheng Cheng nearly two years. There was no way for him to communicate with anyone. He could only silently search for something, share stories of others, and then rejoice that he had not been discovered.

From the moment he learned of the term "homosexual", he understood and could no longer extricate himself from it. He bought a coded diary and wrote something to himself every day. Communicating with him would give him some comfort and encouragement. This could also be considered a spiritual entrustment!

April 28, 2005, Sunny mood: Sad

I felt really conflicted. I really wanted to get close to my brother and never be separated from him. But I was afraid I wouldn't be able to control myself. It's almost time for the high school exam, but I put my heart on this.

I didn't want to ask for anything, I just wanted me to live a quiet life like this. But I fear that one day this happiness will be disrupted by others. I just wanted to wash my brother's clothes and cook. I didn't want him to love me as much as I did.

I just hope that one day when he finds out, he can keep me. I just want to stay with him. Watching him get married and happy, I won't have any desire. I just want to watch, don't let me go...

Cheng Cheng closed his notebook and carefully locked it. He stuffed it into the bottom drawer. He stood up and walked to the window, quietly looking outside. The bench where she had slept at the bottom of the building as a child was still there, showing off its different sights like an antique. Every time Cheng Cheng looked at it, he would remind himself that if it wasn't for Cheng Hanlong's benevolence, he might still be sleeping there today.

Cheng Cheng's memories of his childhood were already somewhat vague. However, he clearly remembered everything that happened when he arrived at Cheng Hanlong's house. Perhaps the first time he saw Cheng Hanlong, he fell in love with that arrogant big brother of his. Otherwise, why would he follow him around like a ghost? All of this was destined, even if they had that kind of love, no one could blame them.

Cheng Hanlong has already started his junior year, and he has started to participate more in social practice than in the classroom. Actually, even if he didn't have any skill, Cheng Shi could still make him live a life that others could only dream of. But he is Cheng Hanlong, how can he easily step into the path of others?

For him, even if he was just an ordinary university student and everything was a zero, he was still willing to fight for it himself. In his opinion, the employees that he got were more valuable than the managers that his elders gave him.

Cheng Hanlong felt that one thing would make him very happy. One day, he would be able to take out the money for Cheng Cheng to read. That way, he would definitely be Cheng Cheng's idol. Sometimes, Cheng Hanlong felt really happy just thinking about it. Thinking about how he held his chin in his hands and admired his silly look, Cheng Hanlong often laughed unknowingly.

Cheng Hanlong's university classmates all knew that he had a good brother, and they all knew that Cheng Hanlong doted on his little brother. At that time, whenever a classmate asked about Cheng Hanlong's brother, Cheng Hanlong would reveal a rarely seen gentle expression and then say: "He is just a little fool."

Cheng Hanlong was on his birthday when he was in his second year of university. Many students snuck into his house to ambush him in order to give him a surprise. As a result, when Cheng Cheng opened the door, a bunch of girls started shouting. No one knew that Cheng Hanlong was hiding such a gorgeous brother. A large group of girls acted as if they had never seen a boy before, becoming more maternal in nature. Even their speech had unknowingly become gentler.

When Cheng Hanlong returned home, he found the house in a mess. A large circle of girls surrounded the Wu family members and the Li family members.

"Cheng Hanlong, how did your mom give birth?" I gave birth to two top-notch handsome men, but look at your little brother's soft and tender nature! I want to go up and take a bite or two. " Cheng Hanlong wanted to go up and explain that the two of them weren't real brothers, but after thinking for a while, he didn't say anything. Even if he used to be a beggar, he's now Cheng Hanlong's most important relative.

Cheng Hanlong smiled and told his classmates to let Cheng Cheng cook, and the girls immediately started chattering again.

"You actually let him cook for you? "You really can bear it."

"He can cook at such a young age, even I can't!"

Cheng Hanlong had gotten tired of hearing these words. He didn't know how many people had said them before. At first, he felt that them being harsh was an insult to him. After hearing it too much, he got used to it.

Du Gong had once said. Cheng Hanlong always acted like he wouldn't panic in front of outsiders, but ended up sending all of his emotions to the pitiful Cheng Cheng. However, Cheng Hanlong was the real Cheng Hanlong at home. All of his emotions were shown to him in front of Cheng Cheng without any reservation.

Cheng Hanlong felt that the only thing Du Gong had said with any skill in all these years was this sentence. That's right, who wouldn't express their truest feelings to the person closest to them?

He hoped that Cheng Cheng could understand. It wasn't that he didn't care about him, but that he didn't care about him, and would only express his feelings in the way that others usually did. If someone else's brother could hold his brother and he could only pull him when crossing the road, that would be the limit of Cheng Hanlong. Cheng Hanlong thought that he had changed a lot after so many years for Cheng Cheng.