C1

In 2002, I was admitted to the normal school. I was seventeen years old, an unknown age.

When other people were admitted into a good school and entered an institution of higher learning, I didn't have the slightest bit of envy in my eyes.

I lay in the broken rocking chair and listened to Ma's nagging. He took a deep breath of the inferior smoke.

Mom really can't bear to see me with a cigarette in my hand, looking like a ruffian. With a wave of my sharp palm, a palm print was left on my face. I threw down my cigarette, snorted, and went into my cabin.

Yes, I am. I used the knife to scratch my arm, and blood oozed out. Stretching out my tongue, I licked the wound. salty. There was a hint of pain. I let the blood drip onto my white shirt.

I am a rural person, living in the countryside for more than ten years, every day walking along the gravel road, smelling the smell of pig dung, duck dung, I no longer want to stay in this ruined place. I shouted hysterically from the house, "I don't want to go to school. I want to work outside and never return to this crappy place again."

The door slammed and my mother came in and hit me in the face with a stick. I didn't resist. Let the stick fall on me. At that moment, I forgot the pain.

I admit that I am rebellious. The moment the stick landed on my body, I thought of death once again.

Mom saw the blood on my arm and the blood on my shirt and she was so shocked she put down the stick and cried and turned away.

I laughed wantonly. I'm a bastard, I cursed myself. I slapped myself hard across the mouth.

At noon, my mother asked my sister to call me for lunch. I pretended to be asleep. My sister left the room, and I slipped out the door.

In the hot sun, I went to the home of the Qin Man. Qin Man was my classmate, a year younger than me.

I turned on her tape recorder, put in a tape, and listened to Ren Xianqi's Sad Pacific. " Is it really cruel to leave, or is it shameful to be gentle, or does it not matter to those who are alone … " I sang along, playing Soul Douluo.

Chiman handed me a bowl of rice. I said thank you. After eating it quickly, he handed the empty bowl to Qin Man and continued to play with my Soul Douluo.

He put the bowl down, snatched the controls from my hands, and threw them on the bed.

I glanced at her. Actually, I also know that Qin Man is very beautiful and has already matured quite a bit. I would stare at her breasts from time to time, and I liked her, but I refused to let her fall in love with me.

Would you go to a normal teacher? I said I was wasting my time with my mother and didn't want to go. Mann leaned over and sat on my lap. Immediately, I had a physical reaction. I wrapped my arms around her and pressed my hand against her dress to her chest. Qin Man didn't resist.

I liked the feeling of holding her still, even if it was any other girl.

After a long time, Qin Man said to me, "Go to the normal teacher, otherwise, you will regret it." Lin Sha also entered the normal teacher.

Chen Linsha, the girl I've been in love with for six years, the girl I've been in love with since I was 11. Stunned, I let go of him. I took a cigarette from my pocket, lit it, and took two deep puffs. If she did go, I said, I'd go too.

Qin Man didn't say anything. I knew what she was thinking. Knowing that she wanted me to stay with her, she chose to repeat her studies and wanted to enter a better school every year. She wanted me to repeat her studies with her. I threw away my cigarette and tugged at his hand. Qin Man's hands were white and delicate.

I know you will always choose Linda. I won't be a third party, but can you promise me one thing?

I looked at her pretty face and smiled and said, "Yes, but promise me one thing and I'll have to kiss you."

I didn't kiss her face. I kissed her on the lips. Qin Man's body trembled.

Say something. I asked him.

Then he said to me, "Whether we have a future or not, whether you choose to leave or not, can you be my boyfriend before you leave? If you leave, I won't be able to see you anymore... Promise me, will you? "

I got up from my chair, walked over to her, and sat down next to her. I put my arm around her slender shoulders and smiled mischievously. "I can, but it won't do me any good."

He got up and went to the door and closed it. When he returned to me, his face was red. Silence.

At this moment, I felt my own violent heartbeat. I suddenly started to wonder if something should happen to us. My cheeks started to heat up and my body started to heat up. Once again, I had an intense physiological reaction.

As if he were being butchered, he sat on my lap. It was pressing down on the hard part of me. I shifted. The first time, I was voluntarily kissed by a girl. Qin Man kissed him and closed his eyes. I enjoyed it, my heart pounding. My hand went inside her blouse and found her bra. Looking through, finally, for the first time, without any hindrances, he touched her small body.

Qin Man's body trembled. I pushed her down on the bed and quickly undressed her, going to see a girl for the first time in my life.

At the very least, you can touch it, but we can't do that.

I felt discouraged, but I was reluctant to let go of his body. He carefully touched every inch of her smooth skin, all the way to her private parts.

"Qin Man, open the door. I'm going in to get something." His mother's voice came from outside the door.

"Alright, wait a moment, I'm going to have my afternoon nap. Wait for me to wake up." Qin Man replied nervously while quickly putting on his clothes.

I whispered to him, "I'll come in the night." He kissed her on the cheek, opened the window, and flipped out.

When I got home, I told Mom I was going to school.

Mom said, you don't want to go up, not to go up, I don't force you.

Angry, I went into the house and took out the admission letter, walked up to my mother, and tore it into pieces.

Mom still slapped me. Still accepting, still smiling, I went to my room.

I'm going to school for my love, for Chen Linsha, whom I've loved for six years. Even if she never loved me, I have no regrets.

Now, my dream was truly shattered. From then on, they were even more unfamiliar with each other.

My sister came into the room, came over to me, and told me that Ma was crying again because of you, why is she always like this.

Like me, elder sister was accepted by a teacher. I said, I'm happy, I'm happy, and I'm going to tear up that pathetic, wretched notice to celebrate.

The sister cursed, "Incomprehensible." As she was leaving, she shut the door firmly behind her.

I sneered. He lit up another cigarette. Smoke filled the room.

Around 12 pm, I saw that my parents' room lights had been turned off, tiptoeing, I went out the door.

I slipped into her house and slipped through her half-open window into her room.

He wasn't asleep, probably waiting for me.

I took off my clothes and squeezed over to him. I saw that her naked body, under the moonlight, was crystal clear.

I began to kiss her, everywhere. I listened to her breathing, unable to control my own. Give me your body, will you?

You don't love me, do you? At this moment, there is no one else in my heart. I love you, and I want to be your man.

I tried to conquer him. He didn't dare to say anything for fear of waking her mother next door.

Very powerful. I have her. I kissed her cheek, and I kissed her tears.

I lit a cigarette and blew out the smoke. From now on, she said, I'm no longer a pure girl. You turned me into a woman.

I didn't say anything. After the desire I know, I love always the Lengsha. Although I have a Zinman in my heart. He bit my arm hard. She said to me, I'm going to give you a memory that you'll never forget for the rest of your life. I can wait for you for six years as well. Six years later, if you're not married and don't have a girlfriend, I'll marry you.

I nodded. He held out his little finger and pulled my hand.

Get up. I put on my clothes and went out the window again.

Qin Man, a silly girl. Was it worth it for a bastard who kept others in his heart? Six years. Six years later, who would know who would be who? Who wouldn't forget who.

I lay in bed, smoking one cigarette after another. He kept thinking about Linsha.

Linda, my Linda, whom I have loved for six years, if only I were with you tonight, if only I were kissing you and touching your body. I love you. The corners of my eyes were moist. I really don't know why I cried for Linda, for a girl who didn't love me. Was it worth it? I would rather torment myself and indulge my soul, but at least when there is a drop of blood in my body, this drop of blood will become my endless lovesick.

A sleepless night. He didn't know if it was because he possessed Qin Man's excitement, or because he thought of Lin Sha's disappointment. In short, he didn't sleep for the whole night.

The next day, around nine o'clock, I was still in bed. Dad came in and turned off my fan. I opened my eyes and sat up in bed.

Dad handed me a cigarette. I was surprised: this was the first time Dad had offered me a cigarette. I took it hesitantly. Dad gave me the ignition and I lit a cigarette, coughing the first time.

Your mother was upset all night. Are you sure you don't want to go to school?

I took a deep drag on my cigarette and nodded.

No matter what you want to do, I won't stop you. You're seventeen now, not young, and should be able to think for yourself.

Father is a rural primary school teacher. For a long time, I didn't like talking to him, and I didn't have any common language, because he was very strict, and I don't know how many marks he had left on my body.

Dad said that school would start the day after tomorrow, and your mother would send your sister to school.

I took another deep drag on my cigarette, threw it away, and shook my head vigorously.

Dad patted my shoulder. I watched my father walk out the door, watched his slightly aged back, and felt a pang of pain.