The Letters I wrote for you./C1 Not the beginning of everything
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The Letters I wrote for you./C1 Not the beginning of everything
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C1 Not the beginning of everything

I do not remember what day it was... but I would still call that day the very beginning of “US” you & I It Was not a very heart-warming addition to my life at first when I entered the class room walking downstairs… I was filled with sorrows and remorse… regrets were on my head like every other day’s objects, I looked at no faces when I walked in… except, yours… I did and I told myself…” isn’t that one hell of a pretty face huh?“sure, it was the only thing that wasn’t an eyesore to me... except for that... I took on everything like I’m at war with this world...

next day... I walked in the same way... and I saw you again... it was so pleasing… I told myself… “well I gotta get used of this pretty smile” it was actually the prettiest one of all… all that I’ve ever seen… I sat alone as usual…. walked out when the class got over saying nothing ofc *eye roll*

one day this pretty little one had me in a look and I was like damn I gotta talk to this girl..

and the urge rises everyday

there was this small coc group on whatsapp… we all were in it.. I tried finding her but I did not know her name nor it was on her whatsapp and also her dp wasn’t showing… I mean like whats up with tha.. why do girls do that..Jesus…

luckily this one day.. I finally got a head start at things we were all present on time (8:30) but our teacher was late... we were all waiting and texting on whatsapp group trying to find out why was he taking so long.. I saw her texting something on the group as well.. I noted the time.. it was 8:45 so that I can reach her later huh… pretty clever right.. but it was getting late so I decided to call and ask him why wasn’t he there yet.. on the second call I asked him if I can get the keys to the coc and he agreed on that.. I got the keys from an old guy who always stood there at the chai stall… I opened the door as we all entered they thanked me and I was like- yeah.. later that day I spoke for the first time.. as she laughed for she heard me for the first time and said “are ye ladkaboltabhi h”..damn.. I swear I can look at her smiling all day was beautiful.. like always.. later when the class got over I returned home.. first thing I did wasn’t breakfast but I unlocked my phone and I opened whatsapp.. as I planned i looked for the time instead of the number.. the time I noted was 8:45……………. There were 2 different numbers.. yeah this happened.. the clever lil one felt low af.. but I was not ready to give her up..!!! I picked a number and I dropped a message on whatsapp….. it wasn’t her…….. instead it was kajal and for I did not know what that pretty lil one’s goddamn name was I asked kajal for a picture of her’s.. I realized that it was not her and my life sucksss!! I sorta gave up..but.. life finds a way they say.. I texted the other number..“ hi this is Akash, the guy in red, yeah.., I was just saving everyone’s contact numbers and also I needed some help with the notes for imjoinnin in a bit late” this was all.. after like an hour.. I checked and the texts had double blue tick on em… damn.. the day couldn’t get any worse right… I got a text sometime later from the same number.. it said “hi, yeah I recognized you” I had my questions for I still did not know what her name was.. so I asked for it..“who are you?” the way she defined herself with each and everything I started to feel like yeah itsher.. I was filled with enthusiasm since I finally found her.. it felt so good and relaxing.. but the name remains As I asked..whats your name “ Priya Shrivastava” she said. When we actually began to talk.. it felt like it was too easy and.. it felt really good like I never did before.. we could relate so much … we had so much in common I don’t know what to start with… we both were into youtube we liked the same youtubers as well anwarrudy Hannah and her fav lele.. we shared their vids with each eather and it went for like hours.. we actually got what we were trying to say which wasn’t the case with any other person we knew… we used to have so much fun back then.. the interests we shared.. her love for stationary.. our love for dogs… we were literally the copies of each other..ofcourse we had fun and we loved it.. but we coukd also relate with the issues we had.. the pain we went through.. a life changing tragedy.. a heart breaking separation the preasure we had on our head of the family… we could understand each other.. we did.. all the time.. days passed by as we talked all day long and did not really stop we actually couldn’t stay away from each other is what I could think of.. everything was so positive.. we sort of had this lil rivalry thing going on as well.. we scored like 14.5 outta 15… 15 outta 15 and somehow I don’t know but my teacher definitely was partial and did not really give me the marks I actually deserved.. screw that guy for real.. ahem I always scored more than her anyways ahem… I miss everything so much… our class usually ended @10 so we used to go outside and I used to wear this rumal and whenever our eyes met while me wearing it.. she used to laugh so much.. in fact there were times when she called me rumaal because of that..Jesus.. this girl she always had something on her mind to embarrass me with..heres an example.. so I had this pink scootypeptbackthen... and it was old and worn out so we used to call her tooty.. well Priya always used to run and catch my scooty parked next street road and laugh bcuz it was oink and she started calling me pinky! I mean damn this girl -_- never leaves an opportunity to make me feel embarrassed...later on she introduced me with her friends it felt great.. the special one amongst them was Anjali…hamarikanta bai hehe... she was like a sister to me... a great personality... pretty dirty minded though but it was all so positive... we had so much fun…. cannot miss them enough..

Everything… we ever had, was so fun and beautiful and priceless.. we were not ready to trade this with anything….

Priya… was the only source of happiness I had.. my days started with her and nights were brightened by her glowing skin… I knew how important she already was for me then.. I remember how a lil smile on her face made all my tensions go away.. times we laughed together.. the times we cried.. we were always supporting each other’s back.. she made me feel what no girl could ever do.. it was pretty clear to me that something is happening to me… back then when it was easy for me to let go of her..changed.. I could not agree to leave her.. whenever she asked me not to walk with.. it made me mad and I have always been so visible when sure even she could see that.. each and every denials she made.. started making me mad.. I could not understand the reason behind is what I remember the problem was… my mind denied to my heart began to ache.. something was wrong for sure… later on.. I realized what was going on with me…. I realised that im in love with her… more like.. I fell.. it was pretty confusing.. I could not sense what was the right thing to do ... but I could not hide it from her… so I told her that I have started to feel for her and its pretty strong and it is making me a lil sad and tensed… she did tell me that she liked me but cannot really do this love thing so early.. for her.. we were pretty young to fall in love.. I always denied this saying of her.. we continued to talk in the same way but.. there was this heaviness in the air.. I became more aware of how i really feel for her and.. I used to tell her that everyday for how much I loved her… it was indeed a little heart aching when I did not know what was on her mind for me.. she did tell me that she liked me and I did not really needed that to keep doing what I was doing.. it did not stop me.. from loving her… I could never really resist myself.. you know… I just wanted to give her everything that I was capable of.. and I did not wished for anything return.. love my man.. is quite deep and complex and even I don’t understand it completely.. what I know is that it isn’t a trade… you don’t need love to love someone.. you need to love them because you do and if u don’t maybe you should back off.. making yourself clear for what you have for your better half if kindaimportant.. since there are two hearts involved.. I knew… that I love her.. I cried and I told that to myself several times and.. I still say it under my breathe.. I did not really wanted her to tell me how she felt everyday.. I just wanted to let her know that she is loved and that she is not alone.. and as long as imhere.. whenever we talked on phone call I always told her that I want to build a home with you filled with pupps and kittens.. we really talked over it for hours and I could just picture her behind her phone when she said nothing and listened to what I had to say.. and then she speaks and her usual words were” tum pagal ho Akash Suman” I don’t know why I still smile when I hear her say that.. just melts my heart.. and all I ever replied was.. “sirftumhareliye miss Priyamvada Shrivastava” such talks… I loved you miss PriyamvadaShrivastava..😊 my lil world… I just love you..

I remember the day when I hugged her for the first time.. it was valentine’s week and hug day.. I remember that I hugged her from behind.. I could still feel her hair on my face..hehe.. it was more like a surprise to her.. so she ran away ;-p… everytime I held her hand.. it felt like I should be mofe gentle and firm at the same time I could just hold her for forever if I could…

we had a song.. it was our song “king again” I still think of her whenever that song comes up randomly on my player.. and I swear when shewas gone I never cried but smiled instead when this song was on.. I can just remember how it all was without her..i was the king of none..but.. now that she’s here..iam.. king again 😊 ,do you remember how much we loved this song mps?

I do not really remember where it all began to fall apart but I swear…I did not blame her alone for what happened…. Maybe I got a bit greedy for herlove.. I wished for it.. I wanted her to make me feel like im loved which I really needed for the situation I was in… I remember.. it was not only me.. something that I failed to understand at that time.. we both were facing some problems which non of us could really see.. only she knew what she was going through.. and I know what I went through.. maybe I should’ve asked her if she was fine instead of asking if she loved me… what I know now is that when youre in love with someone then it doesn’t that you will fully understand that person.. you love with what you have.. not by becoming someone or something… yes.. it did hurt me when she kept everything to herself…I wanted her to let go of her fears and tell me what she really had for me.. but there was more to it then what I could really sorry im really sorry that I could not help you back then mps… I could not help her..

What I thought back then was that maybe she needs her space and maybe I should back off a lilbit.. which I thought would’ve helped her.. I tried and I could not really do that… I was hurt and she knew why.. but she was hurt too.. and I know why... but at the end of the day it felt like all the plans that I had to make her feel better failed.. we both were frustrated we both were hurt and neglected to understand each other completely..

And then, it happened.

6th of December in the morning we had a lil argument which turned into a big one… what I remember is me writing things down to her and after like a long session of me raging out on her.. she said “byee..” yes, a “bye” that too with dots.. it was pretty clear to me that she is done with me but I was not ready to accept all that.. she blocked me on whatsapp.. on Instagram.. and also my number.. I could just picture her crying and tears falling down her face.. how far might i have pushed this little girl.. that she had to do something like that… I tried contacting her from diff numbers and she blockedemtoo.. next day I texted her from my different whatsapp number and she blocked that too.. it was indeed frustrating.. and believe me im not even including how much I cried for I just know that she cried more than me…. I blamed myself for everything..i lost my love my lilstar.. my dog lover.. my lilworld.. my Priya.. my vaani.. my girl with the most beautiful smile.. I lost my only source of happiness… yeah I did..

Days passed by and I was facing my biggest depression.. I stopped eating.. started running away from friends and groups.. I stayed alone and I stayed away from the people who were trying to make me feel like everything is ok.. they did not know anything.. only I was the on who saw her waiting for her bus at the bus stand.. I was the one who cried every time I had to stalk her.. every time I saw her going somewhere.... all I did was crying mostly..I used to listen to our call recordings…Her voice…

I thought maybe I should get off the bus and talk to her…but what I knew is that I was not the only one who was going through this separation.. it was her as well.. so I tried to let her be.. on her own.. and not create a scene….however…. the situation for me got worse..i had to leave my college.. mom and dad made sure that It happens.. I gave up on so many things.. I did nothing but stay in my room..for all day long.. sometimes I cried… what else could I have done anyways.. I had lost who I was… I denied support.. I rejected love.. I wanted to be alone.. somewhere I knew that she will return… but not any sooner… I pushed away everyone..i destroyed my body.. for I did not eat for days.. I deserved all this.. not for loving but hurting someone who is already hurt.. months passed by and.. I was filled with anger.. somehow I handled myself when I thought that it is now the time to get up.. mom had decided that I will persuebped in lnipe.. I had already given up on everything that I had….so I started preparing for the trials…

12th June 2019

I got a text on Instagram from Priya… It was her birthday on 11th.. she was in Canada which I already knew for anju called up and told that to me..I wanted to wish her myself but with the thought that she is now happy with her life and I should leave her be I held back…I then wished her belated happy birthday.. and we.. both apologized for not understanding each other when we should have…. We started talking as all I could really think of is if I should be happy or.. I don’t know what.. for it was all so awkward at first.. Priya had her questions… she asked “are you sure with what I feel for her” it felt like an insult at first but I also thought that I failed to make her realize what I had for her.. we talked things out but I.. did not really felt like things were ok both with me and her… we were hiding a lot… I was for sure hiding all the frustration I carried for half a year.. but I knew I love her… but after some days I sorta broke out.. we stopped talking again.. it was all the same for me even after she was there.. I was mad at her that’s for sure…

I failed my entrance exam for LNIPE for I was not in my prime condition and had my leg twisted already..

I joined jiwaji university with (hons) as my course..i decided what i actually want In my life.. I started working out.. I joined renaissance for GRE.. opened classes for students till 5th standard and went to the college everyday.. I tried and made friends.. I made really good friends seriously..hariom prerna priyanshi arhan pratham.. they are so sweet and supportive..things started to work.. I started helping people out.. but I kept my problems away from them since I did not really wanted to cause any trouble to them and really did not wanted to bother them… they came to me themselves whenever I sat alone.. I missed you so much when I sat alone. You leoellienani…. I came to a realisation that Priya has unblocked me on whatsapp for I could see her WhatsAppstories... I thought that I should reach her..but.. I thought that id be interrupting her well organized and happy life so I held myself back again… but you see…. Life finds a way 😊

1st December 2019

My birthday... 11:59 pm.. when It almost got over... I got a text on whatsapp.. it was Priya and her filled with humour cliché text… she wished me happy birthday...and.. I don’t know why I just needed her back and I needed her that time too I always needed her... I did not hold myself back this time... I thought that I will start talking and Ill be the same way I was before again but... before all this… she turned out to be the more enthusiastic one..just like how it was when we first started talking..damn.. we both realized that its actually hard and sort of incomplete to live without each other… she apologised and I did not want her to do that.. we talked...nd I realized how much I really missed this lil dog lover... she made me realize that she missed me a lot as well...but... I guess I made her realize something much more than that… maybe she doesn’t have to be afraid of this thing… I told you, it will eventually catch you my queen... this is my win huh B-) more like this is our win love. She is mine 😊yes, she said it herself... tell that to me again and every day please tell me that you’re mine let me know that I want to know that I wanna hear you say it…you won’t believe how much this means to me Priya.. well... she returned to me... and this time... I know I will never let her go... I will always stay with her no matter how much it hurts me... I will never hurt her instead I will make her feel better for I know she will do the same for me anytime… won’t you? I’m glad I am seriously I mean... she realized something... and this realization isn’t normal this requires belief and trust and so much more...i will always respect it and everything that she feels and ill protect this trust that she carries... now that she has returned, I feel fine… i'm happy I'm at my prime and I she has already started making me feel everything that I used to when it was all fine…. It’s like nothing happened... I started writing this 2 days ago but did most of the work today… I’m typing all of this while you are on phone... so this is quite relieving to me… but I can’t really think now Jesus you are so loud :-I … well all I had to say is already been Said… all that I have in mind now is that…. I'm glad that you are here so be here and be with me.. be mine.. I want this story to contuinue.. and a perfect end to this so i'm not gonna give this story an ending…. You will do that for me now so here you go

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